What to Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Be Intimate?

Image of a man and a woman walking down the street and holding hands to go with a post about being intimate with each other.

It is painful when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate with you; after all, intimacy is vital for every relationship. Intimacy with your partner builds a special connection and keeps you both going for a long time. 

You will often be confused about what to do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate with you. Do you try and talk it out, avoid her, see a relationship therapist, or even break up immediately? These and more are the thoughts that would run through your mind when your partner has refused to have sex with you.

You don’t have to be so confused or scared anymore. This article will address your thoughts and show you what to do. You can learn from these tips, even if your partner is still sexually attracted to you. Below are some of the tips: 

Try a Sex Doll Torso

Whenever you attempt to be intimate with your partner, and you notice they don’t want to be intimate with you, the best thing to do is to let them be at that particular time. However, you shouldn’t be lonely while trying to protect your relationship. 

That’s why you should try using a sex doll torso. It’s a doll with a woman’s body which you can use to satisfy yourself at the moment. It’s helpful, and getting intimate with a torso gives the same feeling and sensation as your partner.

Discover Your Definition of Intimacy

When your partner doesn’t want to have sex, the first thing to do before you confront your partner about why they don’t want to have sex with you is to define what intimacy is to you. While doing that, you might develop new insights and discover that they should be left alone.

Furthermore, you should learn to figure it out independently and know more about what you want from your partner. Many people have lodged complaints about their partners saying, “I want to have sex, but my partner doesn’t,” and in the actual sense, they don’t have a personal definition of intimacy.

However, it’s not easy to define what intimacy means to you. To do that, you might have to document some things to help you understand better. How you feel when your partner doesn’t want to have sex and why you have sex can help you define intimacy.

Intimacy is peculiar to everyone, so you must find out what it means. It could mean frequent sex to you and mean cuddles without sex to your partner. 

Your partner’s needs and yours are essential in the relationship, so you must strike a balance between your definitions of intimacy to prevent trouble when she says she doesn’t want to have sex. 

Engage in Honest and Open Communication

Communication is key and priceless in any relationship. Talking to your partner when they do not seem to accept sexual intimacy will help to find their reasons. Calmly sit them down for a conversation and ask about their reasons. It may even turn out that you only misunderstand their body language. 

Ask if you think something is wrong with your sexual intimacy in the relationship. You should never go by assumptions or misconceptions if you genuinely value your partner. Note that while communicating, not only do you give voice to your worries, you also listen to their explanation. 

In honest and open communication, you do not mince words. You must be ready for the confrontation without accusing them or being offensive. Calmly talk about your worries and respect your partner’s reaction.

Be Genuinely Interested in Their Explanation

While trying to find out why your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you, it’s advisable to avoid jumping to conclusions. The best thing to do is to ask questions. Let them know you’re interested in them and sincerely want to know what’s happening with them.

As stated earlier, define your intimacy and don’t assume what intimacy is for your partner. It will save you much stress when your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you. You need to possess an attitude of genuine curiosity so that you can know what is wrong with your partner.

This is not to lure them into accepting to have sex with you. When your partner is not interested in sex, don’t try to bring it up or blackmail them. This can even cause more problems than you can imagine. All you need to do is make them feel comfortable with you and vulnerable enough to open up and tell you what’s happening with them. Through this, you can understand them better and how to handle their objections better next time it happens. 

Try to Touch Them Without Sexual Intentions

When your partner doesn’t want to sexually intimate with you, you should understand that they have their reasons, no matter how annoying it might seem to you. In every relationship, each partner is an independent human and can choose to do some things solo. 

In a healthy relationship, the partners must see themselves as partners instead of pests. Your partner doesn’t have to grant your wish every time. Whenever your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you, you can settle for touching without sexual intentions. E.g., cuddling, holding, etc. 

Don’t Try to Coerce Them into Having Sex

When your partner is not interested in sex, you should never try to convince them otherwise. In other words, trying to handle a situation with a partner that doesn’t want to have sex with you doesn’t mean you should coerce or blackmail them into having sex with them.

If you want to build intimacy, it should be more about mutual respect and pleasure and never be forced. It will surely backfire if you force someone who doesn’t want to be intimate with you.

Ask questions with the intent to understand and not jump to conclusions. You shouldn’t ask questions because you want to give them reasons to say yes. 

Don’t Ever Try to Play the Blame Game If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Have Sex

When complaints like “I want sex, but my partner doesn’t” are lodged, experts recommend that the best thing is not to play the blame game. Most times, it’s possible that you’re tempted to blame your partner when they don’t want to have sex with you, but it isn’t the right thing to do.

Numerous factors can cause a lack of interest in sexual intercourse, including stress, anxiety, poor sleep, consumption of too much alcohol, etc. Before you play the blame game, make sure you find out what’s wrong with your partner.

This is why it’s important to avoid being selfish by putting your partner’s needs before yours. You should know what’s going on with them. Questions like what’s stressing them, what project is taking their time and straining them, and whether they have experienced things like this are valid questions to ask before blaming your partner blindly.

Playing the blame game shifts the blame entirely to your partner, which isn’t healthy for your relationship.


Relationships are mentally and physically demanding. Pushing yourself into one might burn you out. You need to devote a lot of devotion to the affair, which might feel like a waste when your partner doesn’t want to get intimate. Consider the tips in this article. You will find a suitable solution.

However, you might hit a dead end in your quest to reawaken intimacy with your partner. In this case, you can see a doctor, consult a therapist, and break up. You can reach out to counselling organizations and get a private counsellor assigned to you. You might need your partner’s consent before sharing confidential information with your counsellor.

The professional will ask questions about sexual intimacy with your partner, mood and energy levels, and sexual dysfunctions. Be free and honest with your medical professional. It is ok to go through stress just to regain sexual intimacy with your partner.

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