That’s All Folks!

In the past couple of months, I have mentioned several times that our D/s is at the lowest level ever. I might even have mentioned that it’s close to non-existent.

Last week, totally unexpectedly, it became the subject of a conversation between Master T and me.

Why unexpected?

Because in the past months, I barely ever mentioned the subject to him. He just doesn’t have the mental energy to discuss it. To discuss anything, really. I do broach some subjects with him — like I did when I decided it was time to hire help in the household — but I keep heavy subjects to the minimum because of his energy levels.

Our default and adopted personalities

Master T is naturally dominant, and I am naturally submissive. Those are part of our blueprints. He’s a natural leader; I’m a natural follower.

Nothing will ever change what we are at the core, but circumstances have forced us to take on different roles. Master T is incapable of leading at the moment. It came to an abrupt stop when he had the stroke almost a year ago.

Just like I instinctively took control when my mom fell ill five years ago, I did the same at twenty minutes past four on the afternoon of the fourteenth day of March in 2021.

In those terrifying seconds I realized he was having a stroke, the cloak of control enveloped my shoulders, and it has been there ever since.

It’s not only the past year

Honesty commands me to say that the decline in our D/s hasn’t only started a year ago. It gradually got less when pain became one of Master T’s daily companions in September 2016. Infections in the stump had him in pain 24/7.

The original problem finally disappeared somewhere in 2020, only to be replaced with infections on the side of the stump, and that is still ongoing.

Being in pain constantly is physically and mentally tiring, and a good way to kill all desires for any kind of intimacy or kink.

Add to that the side effects of the cancer treatment and the thyroid meds… well, you get it.

Our unexpected conversation

I said something to Master T about the decluttering journey I’m on, clearing out all things in the attic we haven’t touched for years. The energy in those boxes weighs heavily on me, and I am converting them to digital memories instead of physical ones.

I remember trying to explain to Master T (who is an absolute realist) the emotional weight those boxes have, and that I need to declutter and get back to minimalistic proportions in order to get room in my mind.

I believe it was then that he said: “I think you agree our D/s days lie behind us.”

I just looked at him, but not in shock.

More like… understanding?

I think it’s because I already knew. I just needed him to speak the words, and I believe my talking of decluttering and ‘cleaning my head’ gave him the opening. He also needed to get this out of his head. Maybe he wanted to manage my expectations? He knows I need conclusion; need to know where I stand.

Memories and photo albums

Our conversation continued in a relaxed manner. Had you told me years ago I would be this calm when we ended the D/s part of our relationship, I would’ve called you a liar.

But… it was time.

I had years to prepare myself for this moment.

Master T then made a valid point: over the years, we have taken thousands of photos, sorted into different digital photo albums, and many of those shared on this website.

“And,” he said, “we have our memories to look back on. Playdates with Master R and Dena, that massage you had, your fiftieth birthday, and so much more.”

And you know what? He’s right.

My tattoo

Of course, I still have the tattoo on my leg, with the BDSM symbol, and which is symbol of my love, commitment and submission to Master T.

I remember a conversation with Master T some years ago (this might have been when our D/s started declining) whee I was in tears and said I am afraid I might come to resent the tattoo and consequently him if ever we decide to end our D/s.

My mindset, however, now that we have put a stop to that part of our life, is different. I don’t resent my tattoo.

No, I treasure it.

It still is the symbol of my love, commitment and submission to Master T. He is the love of my life, my rock, my everything, and he always will be. Being sick and needing to lean on me hasn’t changed any of that.

In fact, I look at my tattoo and fond memories flood my mind of all those wonderful times we had.

That’s all folks!

My mind is at peace, my heart grateful for the exciting times we had. He’s not less dominant and I’m not less submissive because we are not in an official D/s anymore. Kinky sex has been part of our lives before our formal commitment, and might be part of our lives again when both of us are on one line again with our sex drives.

As for our D/s… that’s all folks!

This is the end.

Wicked Wednesday

23 thoughts on “That’s All Folks!

  1. Marie,

    As usual with your writing, I found myself there with you two during this conversation.
    I am much like you, in that if I know the situation I can deal with the situation although certainly some are harder than others. It’s the not knowing, that which circles inside our heads, over and over, it’s that which could literally drive me to the edge of crazy.
    I have been accused of being impatient, however, I can do the sitting and the waiting it’s these major areas that I believe people like you and I need to know in order to be that patient, that ran in circles. I’m sorry.

    I hope you understood some of what I was circling around.

    I believe that after things quieten a bit, you and Master T will find new doorways to cross the threshold of and I hope that you continue to weave your words and include us.

    ❤️🤍🧡

    1. I understand your circles as perfectly as you understood what I was trying to say. And yes, we will find new doorways, and I will keep on writing about it. Thank you for reading, Nonya xox

  2. Reading your post I was reminded of something I wrote several years ago. “The cherry tree doesn’t stop being a cherry tree because it doesn’t bear fruit this season. Next season, in the right conditions, it will bear fruit again. It is still a cherry tree.” You both are who you are, dominant/submissive, regardless the roles you now take. It is sad when things change but change is a fact of life, especially as we grow older and deal with different challenges. Your love for each other, your commitment to each other, that is the real relationship and the one that will endure.

    Much love to you and Master T.

    Stella
    Xxx

    1. Thank you for your kind comment, Stella. Your last sentence hit the nail on the head! xox

  3. This must be a tough thing to experience, but you’ve handled it with such grace and wisdom. Nothing can last forever, and processing the end of things is a vital part of life – something this illustrates beautifully.

  4. I felt sad to read this and then wondered why that was as you had presented everything in your usual positive way. I think sometimes we hold on to the idea of things even though the reality has changed. So much is perception and we have often talked about this. It sounds like this was the right time for you to have that conversation and I hope that Master T is right in that it helps to declutter things in your head. I could say that is still him leading and taking control but I know that there is much more to the D/s you had than the parts you have held on to. I am so pleased that you are able to see this as one of the chapters your shared but focus on the love, commitment and connection that you have as a couple. Those are the important things and putting each other first, which you still both do. Thank you for sharing this. Much love, my friend. xx

    1. I had no sad feelings when we had this conversation, and I think this is because deep down I had known and prepared that it would come to this. Our love for each other is strong, and from the moment we started with D/s, the one thing we said is that our marriage (our love for each other) always comes first. That is our base, and anything else is built on that. Taking D/s away doesn’t mean we don’t love each other anymore. Also, it’s better for me to KNOW than to wonder when we will be active D/s again. We have wonderful memories to look back on, and we will treasure those. Thank you for your comment, Missy, and love to you too! xox

  5. I am so glad you are peace with the decision (mutually stated, thankfully), but I send my love as I know even though we understand things change, it doesn’t mean we won’t miss what was.
    I do really think this shows your commitment to each other though. D/s may be behind you, but your relationship is not. Your love is still strong, and that’s all that matters.

    1. I know there will be times I miss what was, and maybe Master T will too, once he feels better. We never know what the future might bring, but I don’t think formal D/s will ever be part of it again. Kinky sex… who knows!
      But the one thing I know we both are sure of: our love is solid <3

  6. You have written this post with such grace, my friend. I admire you so much and I cried as I read this. I am glad you will have your memories and that you and Master T had these times together. You two are an inspiration <3 XOXO

  7. As with every post you write, the sincerity, sense of feeling and emotion is so strong and inspiring. Particularly as we all will know just how much your relationship means to each other.
    Perhaps and end to one chapter, but not the end of your love and devotion.
    Love and kisses to you both from here !!!
    Xxx – K

    1. Thank you for your kind comment, K. You are right, the end of a chapter, but not of our love and devotion 🙂 xox

  8. Wow. But, it probably provides a sense of closure to have heard him say it. Maybe it is even a bit freeing? Just to know. To be sure. And there is more to love and marriage. So, while it is sad to close a door, it doesn’t mean the whole house falls down. In fact there may be different rooms to explore.

    1. You are right, Brigit, it is a bit freeing, because now I KNOW. Our whole house hasn’t fallen down indeed, as our love is strong and solid. D/s was not our primary relationship. We will see where life takes us, and what other rooms we might come to explore.

    1. Thank you, PS, but don’t be sad. I know there will be times I will miss it, but we have lovely memories. And it’s better to KNOW than to wonder if it will ever happen again xox

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