I have always loved Brigit’s Erotic Journal Challenge and am happy to see it back. What I really like about it this time round are the daily questions. With 2021 having been the year it was and all health issues still being ongoing, our sex life is close to non-existent.
I have always been a sexual being, and want to use the daily prompts to reflect. Maybe my reflections won’t all be on my sex life or even erotic stuff, but this gets me into thinking mood, and might help me to work through some difficult stuff.
In the Netherlands, our week starts on Monday, which is why this post also includes Sunday the ninth. All future posts will run from Monday to Sunday, and be posted on a Tuesday.
So here goes for the first week of January!
If you want to join in, find the prompts here.
Day 1: What feels good?
On this day we visited a cousin of mine, and what was great about this day is to be out of the house, to take a road trip and just be. That feels good: to get out of the house. The four walls around us have become the place where illness dwells. I think this is the reason this lockdown has hit me so hard. I enjoyed our Tuesday and Saturday outings to the bistro, and now all we have is home. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with Master T always. I just need to interact with others too.
Thankfully, I have my daily walks and the audio books to accompany me!
Day 2: Reflect on the current state of your sex life and/or relationship
Our relationship is good. I have said many times on this blog that we have a solid base, and with all that we have gone through in 2021, and are still dealing with, our base hasn’t weakened. Even though our sex life is as good as non-existent. After Master T’s stroke in March 2021, it took eight months before he touched me sexually again. The only time after that was in the last week of 2021.
We both are suffering with our mental health, and to chances of having our desires aligned is the same as winning the lottery.
I am not concerned about this, as our desire for each other hasn’t waned. We both just need to heal first.
Day 3: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step — Lao-tzu
I interpreted this quote literally. Last year, I had a couple of weeks where I suffered from severe back pain due to stress. Many nights I cried myself to sleep. Several physiotherapy treatments lessened the pain, and halfway through October, I decided to go out on daily walks. Those first two or three weeks I could walk half a kilometer and then had to sit down for a couple of minutes. I now walk three kilometers every day without sitting down, and have only missed three days due to a cold from when I started. Currently, I am on a 70 day streak, today being day 70!
Day 4: What we are not changing, we are choosing — David Richo
If want something to change, we have to do something about it, otherwise we choose to leave things as it is. Not taking action means nothing will change. I believe everything in life is a choice, even getting up in the morning. Whatever choices we make, determines what will happen next.
There are a couple of practical things that need to change here, of which cleaning the house is currently weighing down heavily on me. I need help cleaning, and the only way to get one is to tell Master T that it will happen. I know he’s not keen on this, but at this moment I desperately need the help. If I don’t set the step, things will not change.
Day 5: If your sex/love life had a theme song, what would it be?
Oh gosh, I started laughing when the first song that came to mind was: Sound of Silence.
I guess with no sex, that’s a perfectly fitting theme song!
Day 6: Choose three words to describe the sex/love life that you want.
Familiarity: I love that Master T and I both know what the other likes and wants, and this adds to the desire for each other. But not only in the sex, also in our daily and love life. We know each other through and through.
Frequent: Yes, I do long for us to have a more frequent sex life again.
Intimate: Despite knowing each other so well, the fact that we don’t have much sex at this moment means the intimate moments are very little too. We do kiss, we do hug, but sometimes the connection we had seems far away. It seems we both withdraw in more ways than one when we are not well.
Day 7: Reflect on your ‘mistakes’
A loaded question for where I currently am mentally. I have never taken the lead in sex, and being submissive and leaving the control in his hands made that even easier. But maybe in the past years — ever since he started having problems with his leg in September 2016 — it was a mistake not to speak up about my own desires?
Day 8: Take some time to reflect on your week. What felt good? What went well? What needs work?
My walks felt good. Laughing with Master T about silly things felt good. Sharing moments of intense sadness with him felt good, especially since he understood where it came from.
The one thing that needs work is me discussing with him that I need help in the household. Why can I never find the words to make it clear? No, that’s not true. I have the words. I just can’t get them past my lips without feeling intensely guilty asking something for myself.
Day 9: Plan ahead for the coming week. What’s one thing you’d like to challenge yourself to do?
The main thing is finally talking to Master T about the household. That’s the main challenge for this week!
© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay