To say 2021 was a year with trials and tribulations is a complete understatement. It has been a hard year, which thankfully we ended with a bit of good news when my daughter fulfilled her biggest wish. It’s a year that left me with a lot of feelings — from utter happiness to dark sadness.
Emotions overwhelmed me on the first day of this year, as I looked back on 2021 and beyond. I have grief to work through. Where I am intensely happy for my daughter, and try to concentrate on the good, I can’t keep my thoughts from traveling to darker places. Can’t keep myself from asking hard questions, things like: was I not good enough?
I can’t go into those thoughts now. I want to, but I still need to find the words. That’s what I keep on telling myself, but maybe I should just sit down and write, even if it comes out a mess. Maybe I need to get the words out to be able to work through the grief.
Leaving 2021 behind
There was a prompt on a magazine on Medium, about what you leave behind in 2021. I wrote a post for that, which you can read here:
The Things I Leave Behind in 2021
Leaving things behind means you also take some with you
The thought struck me last night: my 2021 started in November 2020.
I was in a contemplative mood as I looked back on all that happened in the past year. It’s a lot.
There is so much I wanted to leave in 2021, but after only four days in 2022, I know that’s not possible. Things tend to cling and just come with you, whether or not you want it.
Plans for 2022
For 2021 I had a theme: self-care. Those thoughts were never conscious ones, but I turned out actually applying self-care last year. When things got too difficult, halfway through the year, I started seeing a life coach and cut back on my working hours. I am gradually increasing my hours again, but really pacing myself not to do it too quickly.
Just like the difficulties surrounding Master T and my son’s health, the theme of self-care will also carry over into 2022.
But, I am adding something else. Remember I told you I was starting on a bullet journal? Well, it’s already in full use, and my introductory page for this year shows my intention for 2022.
Not a theme.
Not a goal.
An intention. This intention came about after I heard something on the radio. Apparently there were tweets going around that you should look at the number 1 hit on the day you turned 18, and then that becomes your theme for 2022. I was intrigued, so I checked. On my 18th birthday, the number 1 hit in South Africa was One Night In Bangkok by Murray Head. I love the song, but it left me cold for a theme. It was the number 1 hit in the Netherlands in February 1985 that instantly had me nodding my head: Shout by Tears for Fears.
It won’t surprise you that my circumstances many times make me want to scream in frustration (I sometimes do, as well as cry).
Shout seems an appropriate intention, as I need to keep on being mindful of self-care, and sometimes I need to shout the reminder to the people close to me, but I mostly need to shout it at myself, as I tend to forget!
I have only one goal this year: to take every Sunday afternoon off. I sit at my computer… well, always. I work at this desk, then switch laptops and carry on with reading and writing and answering emails and that can sometimes go on until an hour before bedtime. I think I sit at my desk on average between 12-14 hours a day.
Indeed, not good!
When I started on my bullet journal, I decided to take it week by week. I don’t want to create the weeks for the entire year, but do it as I go along. This means I need an afternoon per week to create the next week, and since the week officially starts on Monday, it means Sundays will be my day off. It’s going to be a creative year with the bullet journal, deciding on monthly themes (my theme for January is snowmen!), and then sitting down to create different designs for the week itself. And sometimes, like last week and this week, I am at my daughters for all of Wednesday afternoon, and together we color and talk and drink coffee and just enjoy each other’s company and the creative vibes!
Other things I want to do this year, but have already been doing in the past months are:
- As inspiration strikes, write a new story;
- Edit older stories and repost them on my website;
- Add more stories to Medium and build a readership there;
- Continue with Wicked Wednesday;
- Take The Menopause Diaries in a new direction;
- Run Blogable (it’s now open to all) with May More, and hosting the Fiction Marathon again!
Happy New Year!
Let me take this opportunity to wish all of you a wonderful 2022, a year filled with love, laughter, peace and good health! Be good to each other!
© Rebel’s Notes