A lifetime of epiphanies

A silhouetted image of a head, with a candle burning in front of it, to go with my post about epiphanies in my life.

Thinking about epiphanies, I’ve had quite a number in my life. Some of those happened in the past few weeks, during my sessions with a coach.

The thing is, many decisions in my life, I never saw as epiphanies. They were just decisions I made because circumstances called for it. But, as they say, wisdom comes with the years, and looking back on those decisions, they might just have been epiphanies.

Correcting one mistake with another

When I fell pregnant at the age of sixteen, the father of my daughter wanted to hold me to our plans. You see, when we had sex, I told him we would get married if I happen to be pregnant.

However, the moment the doctor told me the test was positive, I could think clearly again. It was at that moment I realized marrying him would be correcting one mistake with another. He was only 18, and I wanted to be sure we would stay together and not resent each other for our young lives changing so much because of having a child.

I told him he could be in our daughter’s life, but then he disappeared. Or at least, that was what I thought until about a year ago.

I shouldn’t have done this…

My first marriage ended because he physically abused my daughter, and threatened to do the same to our infant son.

My second marriage was six months old when one day I was cleaning the house, and I had an epiphany: I shouldn’t have married him.

The thought frightened me, as in that moment I knew I had made a huge mistake. Shame kept me in the marriage. It was only two years later that my mom broke through the wall I had built around us and realized I had been keeping up appearances for so long.

It took one more year before I left him, and the shame I felt for yet another failed relationship was confirmed by the reactions from some aunts and cousins.

I am who I am…

The Wicked Wednesday prompt about epiphanies is a repeat of a previous one. I looked back on the post I wrote in 2015.

My epiphany was that I did. I knew all the time. Even though I felt insecure and self-conscious when I looked at my peers, I knew myself better than I understood back then. I could just never bring it to words, because I never thought it necessary to explain myself to others. All I wanted was to be accepted for who I am, the way I accept others for who they are.

I have this saying: I am just me. I now understand that this is really true. I am who I am and I am quite content with that person, and because I am content with it, I can be who I really am.

I read that now, and where the things I said back then are still very much true, I realize now that the journey is still ongoing. Or has restarted… it just depends on how you look at it.

Bottom line still is: I am who I am.

Epiphanies because of coaching sessions

In July 2021, I started seeing a coach. The main reason for this was because of our personal circumstances, and to prevent me from heading for another burnout. Or at least try to.

The coaching sessions have been an eye opener. I have shed many tears, but it gave me so much insight in myself. I learned about the ‘helpers’ in my personality, preventing me from acting as the authentic me. I talked to my twin, and cried as I did and told her: I see you.

One of the epiphanies I had because of the sessions is about one’s inner child and being a kinder parent to that child. The coach planted the seed, and then reading an article a couple of days later brought me to the realization: the authentic me is my inner child, and those ‘helpers’ around her, the unkind parent.

There’s a lot more to be said about this, which you can read in the following posts on Medium:

Epiphanies, part of life

We all go through life learning lessons, also about ourselves. I’m sure I am not the only one coming to some realizations later in life, or who looks back on a youth which was happy, but has taught you to hide your true self.

I continue to learn and am sure I will until my last day on this planet.

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay

7 thoughts on “A lifetime of epiphanies

  1. “All I wanted was to be accepted for who I am, the way I accept others for who they are.” YES – If everyone did this – what a world we live in xx

  2. Your posts always make me stop and think … not just about your own life experiences, which always leave me in awe of your journey … but also they make me think of events and changes in my own journey too. And as you say, life is all about learning and adjusting and accepting. And hopefully making us all better people in the end.
    I am always so glad I have your “Notes” to read and help reset and re-adjust.
    Xxx – K

    1. Thank you so much for your kind comment, K. I just write from the heart, and my life had so many twists and turns, and I learned a lot of lessons along the way. I don’t think we ever stop learning, and yes, I hope it makes us better people in the end xox

  3. I like that he gets closer to his inner child Marie. She is so vital to a fulfilling life!

    And I also agree with you that we will be learning along the way, until our last day in this planetary school.

    I toast to it! 💖💋

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