Ambition and expectation

An image of the moon and a ladder leading to it, to go with my post about ambition and expectation.

We can each define ambition and progress for ourselves. The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests.

~ Sheryl Sandberg

I’m filled with ambition

I have always been an ambitious person, coming up with projects and wanting to turn them into a success. But, my ambition doesn’t only stretch to my own projects.

When I decide to join someone else’s projects, I work hard to support those too. Here I think of memes. Being a meme owner myself — Wicked Wednesday and The Menopause Diaries — I know how much work goes into running a it. That’s why I do my best to support others too, but not to the point anymore where I push myself to write for each and every meme out there. No inspiration? Then there’s no post or I combine one post for different memes.

Another place where my ambition shines through is in my paid job. I always do my work to the best of my ability, and have done that from the very day I started working back in 1985 (gosh, I’m old). I became a manager by accident, as it has never been my ambition, and remained it for about 12 years. That stopped in 2018, due to my mental health, and now my only ambition at work is to succeed in what I do.

Longest running project

During my lifetime I have started and ended many projects. None of them were stopped because I failed at them, but simply because I have reached my goals and moved on to the next thing.

Here I think of the time I wanted to learn how to design my own clothes, and draw the patterns using my own measurements. I did that through a homeschooling course, and stopped when I reached my ultimate goal: designing and drawing the pattern of my first wedding dress.

My then-mother-in-law made the dress, which inspired my next project: making my own clothes. I guess this was  a combination of two projects, which stopped when I moved to a new town, a new job.

There were many others, until in January 2010 I this blog became the newest project, a place to share my erotic stories. I never expected it to become what it has. Going for almost twelve years now, this definitely is my longest running project, and I am in no way close to stopping, or thinking of starting anything new.

I had ambitious plans

When I started Rebel’s Notes, my only goal was to publish my stories. It slowly grew into more, where I started sharing personal stories about our sex life, and interactions with others. And then it evolved even more, where I shared personal experiences and thoughts that had nothing to do with sex at all.

From the third or fourth year of this space, until about the seventh or eighth, I dreamed about making a living from writing. I wanted to grow this space to a go-to place for advertisers; wanted to have my stories published in anthologies, and be paid big bucks for it; wanted a publisher to publish book, and of course get rich because of it.

My dreams were big; the shattering of my illusions even bigger.

Abandoned ambition

I’m repeating the quote above, because it fits so perfectly with what I want to share next:

We can each define ambition and progress for ourselves. The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests.

In those first seven or eight years of the blog, I had big dreams. About four years ago, I wanted to write a post about not focusing on earning money anymore, but keeping this blog as a hobby.
(Disclaimer: I know, with the amount of work I put in here, the number of hours I write, this can hardly still be  called a ‘hobby’.)

I want to be painfully honest here: those dreams about making money with this website and my writing only started because of seeing others doing it; advocating it; preaching it; promoting it as the only true way.

About four years ago, the thought crossed my mind: making the effort to earn money through my blog, to make a living from it, turns it into work.

I asked myself: do I want it to become work?

The answer was almost instantaneous: no!

I returned to myself

Turning my writing into work would kill my creativity. Just like anyone else, I love making a penny here or there. I just never want that to be my ultimate goal. No, my ultimate goal is to create; to write. That’s what makes me happy.

It’s only now I’m finally ready to admit this to the world, even though it’s been years since I had this revelation. You see, all those years before, I had been following the expectations set by stereotypes. Admitting I wanted something else than them… I couldn’t do it, because I feared the backlash.

Thing is, back then, I had totally forgotten about my personal passion; forgot to define my own ambition.

Simply said, I forgot to be true to myself.

It was in April 2020 that I broke away. Yes, something happened. Something I don’t care to talk about, because I refuse giving ‘them’ a podium for their hate campaign.

But, it’s the best thing that could’ve happened.

I broke away.

I reevaluated.

A lot of introspection took place. I redefined my ambitions.  Returned to my personal passion,  talents and interests. I returned to myself, and slowly Rebel’s Notes —which I rebranded from sex to lifestyle blog — became my place again.

They say ‘never say never’, but this I dare to say: I will never follow the crowd again, but always do things my way!

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay


Wicked Wednesday

13 thoughts on “Ambition and expectation

  1. So perfectly put and beautifully stated Marie … and I know I have mentioned it before, but your blog here was one of the first, if not the very first, I discovered in my search for erotic writing. And Wicked Wednesday certainly inspired and motivated me to begin my own online journey. I have followed and read you ever since and remain as much in awe of your passion and personal conviction in your words as when I first discovered you all those years ago. So I remain eternally grateful for your passion and commitment to do things “your way” !!!
    Xxx – K

    1. K, you say the most beautiful things. Thank you so much, and I will just continue doing things “my way” for as long as it brings me joy 🙂 xox

  2. I’ve never really understood what makes some people monetarily successful at it. Many aren’t as talented or creative. I think there is a dumb luck factor of of being early or somehow favored by an algorithm where they build up some critical mass following that becomes self sustaining despite there being superior writers or entertainers

    1. I think you are right about the dumb luck, because indeed, some of those who make a living from it, are not the best I have ever read. I don’t understand it either, but one thing I do understand: I never want this to feel like work 🙂

  3. You are certainly an achiever Marie,,, and I would think in some ways employers dream – I like what u have written about your writing – that makes sense – I feel the joy u get from your writing from each piece i read
    May xx

  4. There is a Frank Sinatra song titled ‘My Way’ and it has been the song of my life for many years. If usually, dear Marie, you have the virtue of being very honest with everything she writes, here I believe that she has surpassed herself. My sincere congratulations!

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