My libido… it’s still eluding me

An image of two ladybugs, one on the back of the other, to go with my post about an eluding libido.

I have written about my libido several times before, about it eluding me, but also about it just being dead. Gone. Nowhere to be found. Those posts can be found here:

Today I am writing about my libido again, and how it’s still eluding me.

Maybe because of menopause, maybe stress, or maybe a combination of both.

Eluding libido and stress

Stress is a sex killer. This is common knowledge. Sex changes so many things in your body. It can cause back ache (the kind I am currently suffering from), can give you an ulcer, cause problems with your heart or your intestines, and so much more. Living with stress, and trying to cope with it… well, who would then even want to think about sex?

Isn’t it strange how life works, right? We lose our libido because of stress, but at the same time sex is a good stress reliever. I’m sure Mother Nature is watching us from somewhere, chuckling secretly behind her hand.

My stress levels have been building for months. Ever since November 2020, my life has been upside down, and there are so many stress factors to deal with. I guess I can take it back to March 2020, when our country went into lockdown on the day we had to return home from England, but my stress marker has been placed at November 2020. Before that, despite the world changing around us, and a totally different work life because we all worked from home, I felt no stress at all.

But ever since November 2020, my libido started decreasing…

Eluding libido and menopause

Just like stress, menopause is a bitch. It sneaks up on you, starting with those oh-so-irritating hot flashes, and then gradually taking hold of your body, and sometimes even your mind. I am sure that for the bigger part my eluding libido can be contributed to menopause, and not to stress. The latter is only secondary.

Menopause has made me gain weight — in combination with cravings and eating because of stress — and has diminished my most intimate part’s ability to get wet with the slightest excitement. All of those things can be overcome, but taking away my sex drive… changing me into this person who doesn’t even think about sex, while it was the first thing on my mind for many years… that is something I can’t accept.

And then again… I can.

It’s not only me

You see, having my libido eluding me, has been a blessing in disguise. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you will know that Master T has been having health issues since September 2016. We were at a point where we thought we had left everything behind us (, and then only a few months ago, the a new curveball was thrown our way.

Master T used to have quite a good libido, until September 2016. Living with pain for 24/7 is not conducive to anyone’s libido. He tried. He really tried, but sex was just not a priority. Exhausted because of the pain, all he wanted to do was get through the day, and sleep.

That’s where we are again now. Not because of the pain, but because of the cancer. And, the end is not in sight yet.

So, it’s not only me suffering from a libido eluding me, Master T has the same, be it for different reasons. Hence the reason I say my own eluding libido is a blessing in disguise. I don’t see myself as the kind of person to resent my life partner for not wanting to have sex, but at least with the circumstances as they are, that’s not the kind of inequality we have to battle with.

Masturbation and libido

My libido is low, but I still masturbate.


There was a time when I had to have at least one orgasm daily. Then it changed to three times a week, twice, once… and then continued to diminish to once every other week. I have come to the point where it’s down to once every other month, if even it’s as frequent as that.

And you know what?

I don’t care.

I seriously don’t care how many orgasms I’ve had in the past months. Those are just not important enough anymore. Yes, I love my orgasms. Really love them. Love to indulge. Love the release. But, I don’t miss them when I don’t have them.

I believe this too will pass. That Master T and I will both come to a point where we find a new rhythm of sex. Maybe we will be the couple that average once a month. Maybe less, maybe more. Who cares. We know we love each other, we are still each other’s best friends, know we can lean on each other. So who cares about sex? About libido? Or to be more precise: who cares about an eluding libido?

Not us. Because, really, as long as we’re together, we have everything we need!

It’s as simple as that.

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay

The Menopause Diaries

3 thoughts on “My libido… it’s still eluding me

  1. I so get where you are coming from with this…I got my libido back through exercise…and of course exercise is the last thing you want to do when you are tired, but that is the most important time.

  2. Esto es toda una declaración de amor hacia MasterT.
    Espero sinceramente, todo lo mejor para ustedes.

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