I never write ‘dear diary’

An image of a fountain pen writing words on a piece of paper, to go with my post about keeping a 'dear diary'.

Dear diary… back in August 2016, I wrote that those are words I will never write. Not in a book that serves as a diary, that is. I am just not the diary-keeping-type.

Or maybe I am?

Maybe this is my diary?

Where this blog started out as a place to share my sexy stories — first fiction, then real life — over the past years I have also written about feelings. About tears, and stress, and worries.

From memory, I think my first post where I really opened up about hardships, was the one written in a hotel in Camden. Master T was already asleep on the bed, while I sat at the desk, hammering away on my laptop,mtears streaming down my face.

I wrote many more personal posts after that, posts that had nothing to do with sex at all. I wrote about my mental health, about the hardships with my son, and about Master T’s health. Only recently I opened up a bit more about what we are currently dealing with.

I guess by the time I decided to ‘rebrand’ this space from sex to lifestyle blog, it changed to a kind of diary too.

Memories of past years

If you are on Facebook, you’ll know about the memories you see of past years. Some people are irritated by it — like Master T — but I love them.

The same with storing photos on Google or in OneDrive. Those have the same kind of sharing as Facebook does, showing pictures made on the same day in the past years. I love looking back on those, and being reminded of good times.

On the day mom passed away in 2017, I made quite a number of photos of her, also in her coffin. After her funeral I took a lot of photos of her grave. Of the flowers. Of the big tree next to the grave. And months later, of her grave stone. There was a time when seeing those photos made me cry, but now sometimes they make me smile when happier memories slip into my mind.

Where this blog can serve as a diary of sorts, so can the memories shared by Facebook and those apps on my phone.

Traditional diary

Where I’m not one to keep a traditional diary, writing about things that occupy my mind definitely is. Sometimes I turn things over and over in my mind before I’m able to write about it, but it seems to make it to my blog in some way. At times only a mention, and other times a full post.

When the hardships of the past months — my son’s mental, and Master T’s physical health — started taking its toll on me, I started another blog. I wrote a couple of posts there, some filled with anger, some with sadness, and yet others with information. I needed that space, but I don’t anymore, because I came to the point where I found my voice back, and prefer to write over here, or on Medium.

I will never be a traditional-diary-person, and will never write those words ‘dear diary’ to start a piece, but I will probably always be a writer, and my feelings will always spill over in my words.

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay

Wicked Wednesday

10 thoughts on “I never write ‘dear diary’

  1. I feel similarly to you, Marie, about my blog…it has become a bit of a diary. I tend to share the good, the bad, and the ugly there. And I like being able to scroll through and see what I was thinking/doing a few years ago. Hugs, my friend <3

    1. I love that too. Sometimes I read posts of years back, and love to see how my thoughts changed on a subject, how I have grown, or how I still feel strongly about something.

  2. Yes a blog or writing area such as Medium is like a diary – and spilling feeling out – no matter how you do it is imo healthly.
    May xx

  3. I’m always in awe of your writings and the candour, personalness, sincerity and passion in your words. The way you open your soul and express your thoughts and feelings is inspiring, touching, emotional … and motivational in so many ways that you probably don’t intend or expect your readers to feel from your words.
    I’m sure your writings give you some inner strength and release to yourself as well … as I’m sure they do to others.
    Much love … and best wishes too … to you and all your nearest and dearest.
    Xxx – K

    1. Thank you for your lovely words, K. When I write, I just write to get the words out, and it gives me a sense of release indeed. Also, I am sure the writing helps me to work through difficult things, and in the end makes me stronger. Thank you for pointing that out. Sometimes I just need to hear it 🙂 xox

  4. I sounds as if writing has been pivotal for you at certain times, and you have benefited from having your blog.

    You know Marie….I was thinking about this subject of diaries. I think you may have noticed my own experience with keeping a diary became unhealthy, whereas writing on a public blog has been healthy for me. I think the difference is that others can rate, give feedback, offer an opinion or advice, or empathize and express their kind sentiments. For me, a diary lead me into a dungeon of isolation, whereas the blog is almost a living breathing thing. People can come back and say “it is ok, you are just a human being, and it is ok, and you can work through this.”

    1. I think you are onto something there, Jenna, that you and I (and some others too) are just not made for diaries because of the dark places it (might) take us, but that writing on our blogs keeps us in balance.

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