Turn-ons and turn-offs

A drawing of two puppets and an on-off switch to go with my post about turn-ons and turn-offs.

I am joining in with others – Mrs Jones and Marriage Sex and More – to answer Brigit Delaney’s 30 Dirty Questions. As Brigit said:

These questions will all be about sex in some way and will be the sorts of questions that get a the core of a person’s desires, fears, and experiences. The sorts of questions that could really help you get to know another person.

~ Brigit Delaney

I think these questions serves not only to let you get to know the other person, but also to get you to think about your own preferences, desires, and dislikes.


Question 3: What are your sure-fire turn-ons (and/or turn-offs)?

When I saw this question, I actually drew a blank. My turn-ons and turn-offs? Oh gosh… this is like when someone asks me what I like to have done to me sexually. I never know what to say, and then, days later, I can finally formulate the words.

So yes, with this one I needed time to think about what exactly are my turn-ons and turn-offs.

Three turn-ons

Three things that turn me on, in no particular order, are:

  • Showing interest: When it’s new people we meet, and the intention is to get sexy with each other, one of my sure-fire turn-ons is when they show interest in me. Sexual interest. I want to see and feel that they want me. With Master T, it’s the same. If in the hours before we go to bed he shows me that he wants me, it definitely turns me on. We had days where the ‘flirting’ and touching and kissing started early in the day, leading to explosive sex when we go to bed.
  • Good conversation: I love a good conversation. Whether it’s something that interest me or not, if you talk to me about whatever, and do it in such a way that I don’t feel dumb, I will show interest, ask questions, etcetera. But a good conversation goes both ways, so I am going to expect to see the same from you, interest in what I do, or what I have to say. Master T is into shares, and I am not, but I do listen when he talks about it, and have learned some things over the years. I am into websites, and Master T is not, but he does show interest in what I do. It’s always a two-way street.
  • Confidence: I like a confident person, to see it in the way they carry themselves, the way they talk, and to see it in their actions too, that it’s clear they know what they want.

It seems to be easier to come up with things that are turn-offs, opposed to those that are turn-ons. My turn-offs are:

  • Unkempt: If someone looks like they don’t take care of themselves, it’s an instant turn-off. Here I think of stains on clothes, or holes in clothes, or hair that seemed to not have seen a comb or brush for days, and even an unkempt beard. Master T has a beard, and he knows when it gets longer, I will gently remind him to shorten it again, as i also feel this is my duty as his wife. In a way, when someone doesn’t take the time to properly present themselves, it feels like disrespecting me, like I am not worth it to make a proper impression.
  • Bad manners: I detest bad manners, and it really is an instant turn-off. If you eat with your mouth open, or constantly interrupt others when they talk, fart or burp in company, or you’re just outright rude to anyone, believe me, my interest in you will vanish like snow in the sun.
  • Drunkenness: I guess I could’ve put this with bad manners, but this one stands out to me so much, that I wanted to list it separately. I have been drunk in my life, maybe about five or six times, so I am definitely no saint. But, I never made a scene, and I never embarrassed others. If you are drunk, and can hardly stand on your feet or properly talk, you put me in a spot where I feel embarrassed for your sake, and this is not a nice feeling at all.

Master T turns me on

My husband has many ways in which he turns me on. Even now, twenty years after we met, and married for almost sixteen years, he manages to turn me on. His mind is beautiful and clever, and I love his humor. From the silly moments when he loudly cries “ouch, ouch” when I only touch him lightly, to when either of us says something funny, and I have the privilege of listening to his deep, hearty laugh.

Then there’s the way he sometimes looks at me. There’s something in his eyes. Love. Lust. Friendship. Companionship. Caring. Just so much. Sometimes that look is followed by the most sensual of kisses, and I totally loose myself in him. Every time it calls up a feeling of love, mixed with lust, and the urge to press myself against him; to totally give myself to him. I have never felt this with anyone else, and I don’t think I ever will.

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pinterest (original source unknown)


30 Dirty Questions
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4 thoughts on “Turn-ons and turn-offs

  1. I totally get the comment “when someone asks me what I like to have done to me sexually. I never know what to say, and then, days later, I can finally formulate the words.”
    I am exactly the same!!! When someone asks me this my immediate response is “How long is a piece of string?”

  2. I’m with you on the “unkempt” thing. I don’t expect flawlessness and you don’t even need to be “put together” (some people just do NOT have the knack), but at least be tidy.

    If you’re not, it’s not cause for dislike on my part. But it’s guaranteed that any “like” I feel will not fall into the category of sexual attraction!

    1. I totally agree… dislike is too strong a word, but I will definitely not feel attracted to them.

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