I think I’m a pervert

An image of a shell, changed so much in the editing that it is the perfect image to go with my post about labeling myself as some kind of pervert.

Up to the point where Kristan X asked ‘Are we all, when it comes down to it, basically perverts of one kind of another?’, I never thought of myself as a pervert. But thinking about that question, and looking at what the dictionary says about the word, I came to the conclusion that I am one. A pervert.

What does the dictionary say about the word ‘pervert’?

Typing in Google ‘perversion meaning’ or ‘pervert meaning’, I came across a couple of definitions, such as:

  • the verb ‘pervert’: distort or corrupt the original course, meaning, or state of something, or to lead someone away from what is considered natural or acceptable;
  • the noun ‘pervert’: a person whose sexual behaviour is regarded as abnormal or unacceptable

This is what I found on Wikipedia:

Perversion is a type of human behavior that deviates from that which is understood to be orthodox or normal. Although the term perversion can refer to a variety of forms of deviation, it is most often used to describe sexual behaviors that are considered particularly abnormal, repulsive or obsessive.

And then lastly, this:

To pervert something is to corrupt it. … Another common use of pervert is as a word for a person who is sexually deviant; however, people also use this word more loosely to describe anyone who seems creepy. Perverting also means changing or subverting something.

~ Vocabulary.com

Where the word ‘pervert’ is mostly used in a negative sense, my being a pervert is not a negative thing at all.

I don’t do normal

I have never done normal and I don’t think I ever will do normal. It’s not like I am someone who walk around in strange clothes, or color my hair pink, or constantly shove everything I do in the faces of others. I appear normal to others, and I mostly live according to the rules and norms of life, but I still don’t see myself as doing normal.

Normal is the shell the outside world sees, while inside lives a pervert. There are a selected few who knows all of the inside me, who I allow inside the shell. Sometimes I allow others to look through the cracks of the shell, but if they can’t handle it, I close those cracks to shut them out.

I know there are people who loosely think of me as a pervert, because I “distort or corrupt the original course, meaning, or state of something”.

Pervert of the arts

My perversion mainly lies in the arts — writing, painting, photographing.

Writing

Besides in school, I have never once written a story which didn’t have some kind of erotic element in it. My stories doesn’t always have sex in it, but there’s always something erotic. I wrote my very first novel when I was fourteen, and even then there was erotic elements to it. In my writing I have occasionally looked for the edges of what is acceptable, feeling the discomfort when I write it, while always keeping consent in mind.

Another way I ‘distort or corrupt the original course’ is to write about our sex life. I write about the happy times, but also the sad or difficult ones.

I am very selective as to who I give the link to my blog, simply because of the intimacy I share. However, I do tell people I have a blog, and that I write. Sometimes they ask what I write, and then I say ‘erotic stories’. Most people stop there, and I almost always see the surprise in their eyes. Maybe that’s when they think of me as a pervert, who knows?! Other people ask for the link, and 99.9% of the time I say no.

Painting

My father painted in his free time, and he always did landscapes, and occasionally animals or people. I have three of his pieces — two landscapes done in oil paint, and one pyrography portrait of a naked African woman with a child on her hip.

I have drawn and painted before, but never as a serious hobby, until 2010 when I joined a painting class. My first painting was of a lion and a protea — the lion’s head being inside the protea. Then I did one of my first grandson, in combination with the New York ruins of September 11, because he was born on that day.

Then I painted elves, and here I added a bit of eroticism to the painting. The rest of the students all painted buddhas and landscapes, and I really wanted to let my inner self get out. I turned into the perverted painter… painting only erotic things.

Photographing

I was eighteen when I first posed for a set of nude photos, and it was like a dream come true. I could do nothing with the photos, and eventually they were taken from me.

It was only many years later that I started taking nude pics again, or had them taken of me. By then I had discovered a site where I could post them, and people commented on them. Now how pervert is that, and even more perverted that I really enjoyed the comments, and even got into conversations with the men who commented. That’s how I met The Traveler.

My previous husband was always reluctant to take photos of me, so imagine my delight in those early days when I learned photography is something Master T and I have in common. And not only ‘normal’ photography, but erotic photography too!

You only have to browse through this site to see how much of an exhibitionist (and pervert!) I am!

Are we all perverts?

So to get back to the question Kristan X asked: ‘Are we all, when it comes down to it, basically perverts of one kind of another?’

Yes, I think we are. I think everyone has a bit of a pervert in them, even if they are not prepared to admit it. Always noticing someone wearing a low-cut blouse (me), or the bulge in pants (also me), someone swinging their hips, can already get you labeled as a pervert. You might even think of yourself as a bit of a perv when you notice things like that. I know I do!

And then not even to speak of what people think of those engaging in BDSM or swinging or polyamory, or any kind of ‘alternative’ relationship… whole chapters can be written about that!

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay


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12 thoughts on “I think I’m a pervert

  1. Ok, I admit, I’m a pervert too :-)…but I don’t like the dutch word for pervert (translated bij deepl: ‘viezerik, viespeuk’)

    1. I might have allowed society to shape me for too long, but am becoming more and more to be my own person.

  2. I think anyone that has ever read anything I’ve written, or had a conversation with me of more than a few minutes in a non-professional context would agree, that’s my picture next to the word pervert in the dictionary.

  3. What if everyone is a pervert? And we just don’t know it? And they don’t know it? Then “normal” will dance around with no fixed abode.

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