Bedroom bloopers

Bedroom bloopers… I was sure some of those happened in my life, but nothing came to mind. Absolutely nothing.

Until something started to surface…

I blushed… I smiled… and I blushed some more. The blushing came from one embarrassing memory, the smiling from the others. Whether I’ll share the embarrassing story, will become clear during the course of writing this post.

Young and in love

I guess these are technically not bedroom bloopers, as neither of them happened in the bedroom. However,  since both of them are related to sex, I’m including them here.

I was maybe 19 or 20, and very much in love with my first husband. He was in the army, and we frequently had sex in his room in the barracks. But, he also visited me at home, and one night we were on the floor, under a blanket. We were supposedly watching television, but under the blankets his hand was in my pants, his finger in my cunt. And then my mom walked in, sat down on the couch and watched the program with us. He slowly withdrew his finger and soon after my then boyfriend went home. Up to today, I believe she knew exactly what we were doing, and just chose not to say anything .

Also with him, in a weekend visiting his mother, I was in bath on the Sunday morning. The key to the bathroom door was gone, which had me incredibly nervous, and even more so when the door suddenly opened. He walked in and got into bath with me. I assumed he had told his mom and brothers the bathroom was occupied, but gosh, how wrong I was. Imagine the feeling when the bathroom door opened once more, his hard cock pressing against my back, his hand in my boob, and his middle brother walking in on us. I don’t know who was more embarrassed… him or me.

Spitting image

In the last five years I lived in South Africa, I was in the army. I had to do my training, which took me far away from home, living in barracks for weeks. In those times, I had quite some intimate experiences, just like most if the other women.

I happened to have an eye on one of the male instructors, and was surprised when he noticed me too. I can’t remember the specifics, but I ended up in his room. The first time, after sex I noticed him doing ‘something’. It was only the next time that I realized he had a strange after-sex routine. Once he had climaxed – in a condom – he got off bed, and while his member was still half hard, he spit on it, and wiped it clean with a tissue. This wasn’t a deal breaker, but it did leave me with an uncomfortable feeling.

Slapping sounds

I think we were about six months into our D/s journey and spanking was a frequent occurrence. Our youngest slept in the room next to ours, and our son in the room above us. We always made sure they were in their rooms before we retreated to ours.

Whenever we heard our son’s bedroom door open – it had a very audible squeak- we would stop whatever we were doing, and waited for him to come back upstairs, and close his squeaky door again. Also, because the youngest was so close, we kept the noise we made to the minimum. Let’s just say, we were careful.

It turns out we weren’t careful enough, as one day my son asked me what those ‘slapping sounds’ were that came from our bedroom!

The most embarrassing bedroom bloopers

Have you ever farted during sex? Come on, be honest!

I have. And, I have an excuse for it. Sort of.

I was in this relationship with a couple, and it wasn’t a good one. I wasn’t strong enough to step away from it, and allowed myself to be manipulated into what he wanted. One thing he wanted was for me to be happy in the relationship. Not in a good way though. I was not allowed to say it wasn’t what I wanted. If I did, physical abuse would follow.

At first he complained that I never ‘showed’ them I enjoyed what happened, because I wasn’t vocal. So, I learned how to moan. This was not a bad thing. But then he mentioned that he could never feel when I had a climax. He said my pussy was ‘too loose’ because of ‘all the men’ I had before. After that, every time we had a threesome, I concentrated on tightening the muscles inside, during fucking and during a climax (many times faked). Too many times to my liking while clenching my muscles, I farted.

Sex never stopped then, but he made a point of using the fact to humiliate me.

No more bedroom bloopers

There might have been bedroom bloopers with Master T and me, but I can’t recall any, except the one above. I guess this is because we both accept that some things just happen. Yes, you can bump your teeth against the other’s when you move in for a kiss, or his finger might ‘slip’ while fingering me, or my teeth might accidentally ‘scratch’ against his chick when I suck him. Neither of us make a big deal of this. We just carry on and enjoy…

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay


4 Thoughts or Fiction

7 thoughts on “Bedroom bloopers

  1. How funny Marie – so many of them – I have farted during sex and usually it has not bothered me but one partner has a way of making me feel embarrassed about any bodily functions.
    Great post
    May xx

    1. It’s when people shame us for those things that happen naturally, that we feel embarrassed when we shouldn’t…

  2. My son asked Mister K the other day why he doesn’t hear slapping sounds anymore. Mister K has stopped spanking me because my son told him he could hear them. You just can’t win. Lol
    I laughed about your army instructor spitting on his dick after sex. I wonder what caused that reaction in him, but like you said. Not a deal breaker. A strange post -coital habit though.
    Thanks for sharing Marie, and i think you’re right about excepting that things sometimes happen when you have sex. It’s maturity that helps us get through them. Although, there’s always room for a bit of a laugh:)

    1. Oh I agree, we should never stop laughing, especially not at ourselves. Some silliness is always allowed, and having a good laugh about a blooper forms a kind of bond too 😉

  3. The slapping sounds is a universal for those of us who like a good thrashing every now and again–the distinctive sounds of a flogger are hard to mistake!

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