Here in the Netherlands there’s a running joke that the weather people can’t see two days into the future, because the weather forecast is always hit and miss. Take for instance last week. On Thursday we had a code yellow warning, for heavy rains and thunder. Didn’t happen. On Friday there was no warning, but they did say there would be thunderstorms. It rained. A bit. And absolutely no thunder.
We always take the weather forecast with a grain of salt, and just wait for the day to happen to see what weather it will be.
In a way we approach life in the same way: take it day by day.
Or rather, Master T does.
As I recently wrote, I am a planner and overthinker, and I find it very difficult when unexpected things happen, especially those that will influence my future.
Knowing about the future
It doesn’t always help — knowing about the future. I mentioned before that Master T had an appointment with an endocrinologist. Or rather, an endocrine oncologist. There was another appointment, where the diagnosis was confirmed and we received a huge amount of information on all that will follow in the coming months.
Where not knowing about the future can absolutely drive me crazy, knowing about the future can do the same. There’s an operation coming up, and follow-up treatment. We know this. But in that lies my unrest too. Even though we know what will happen, what the upcoming procedures and treatment are, we still don’t know just how it all will go.
I think that’s the thing with wanting to know the future… to know doesn’t necessarily bring you the rest you might be seeking. It doesn’t for me, not in this case. Maybe it would have if someone could have seen beyond the treatment and told me what to expect.
Foretelling the future
I have never been to a fortune teller, and I don’t think I will ever visit one. Oh, believe me, I’m highly intrigued by going to someone who can gaze into a glass ball and tell me what my future will hold, but I steer away from that. One of the reasons why is that I don’t trust myself. I’m afraid I might be so focused on what is said, that I change some things for it to be(come) true.
This said, it doesn’t mean I haven’t tapped into trying some things that might be seen as telling the future. Many, many years ago I visited a spiritual fair with my best friend, and we had to take a picture of a family member with us. I took one of my grandmother, who had passed away a couple of years before then. When the woman told me that my grandfather was standing behind me and telling her he was waiting for his wife to join him, I left more skeptical than I was when I went there. I didn’t even correct her when she just assumed my grandmother was still alive.
At the same fair there was someone who told you things about yourself by hovering his hand over your legs, while you sat in a chair in front of him. To be honest, I can’t even remember what he told me. If it was something spectacular, I’m sure I would’ve remembered.
One thing that have always intrigued me are tarot cards. I don’t understand one thing of them, in that I don’t have any idea how to read them, but somehow I also never thought of them as being used for predicting the future, even though I understand that they can be used for this.
Halfway through 2020, after thinking about it for weeks, I took the step and had a reading done. The cards didn’t only look forward, but also back. The reading said that I came through a difficult time, that I had to distance myself from people or a situation that is part of my fear. It told me better times were ahead, that I am brave and strong, like a warrior, even though I might have to step away to heal and rejuvenate.
I had another done in January, and it was spot on, telling me I need to make time for self care, something I hadn’t been doing. It was not like I started making time for myself right away. No, it still took some weeks in which I pushed myself far too hard, before I finally decided to take a step back, and concentrate on my theme for this year: self care.
I don’t know what our future holds, but I do know it’s going to be a rough ride. In all of this, and wanting to be there for Master T, to support him through his ordeal, I forget about myself. I am not a person to constantly think about what I need, or to slow myself down. Instead, I push myself, thinking if I stay busy, I don’t have to think, and it helps to keep the tears in. I know I can let them run freely, but I’m afraid I can’t handle the pain if I cry, so I hold them in.
You know what? In a way the tarot cards are part of my self care. Somehow the tarot readings help me to reflect, and even if it takes weeks, to adjust my ways.
I think I see another reading in my near future…
© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay