Checking in with self-care

An image where the word self-care is spelled with Scrabble letters.

Back in January I set my goals for this year, as well as my theme: self-care. With all that has happened in the past six months, self-care had taken a firm backseat. I tend to put myself in the last spot when it comes to the care department, but I know I cannot keep up the pace I have now. I need to take care of myself, or I won’t be able to take care of those around me.

This meant, revisiting the theme post, and re-reading the quote:

Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.
~ Katie Reed

We both need self-care

Both Master T and I are in recovery mode — him from his stroke, and me from Covid. He needs to spread his energy out throughout the day, as otherwise his right side gets tired, which affects his walking, and his speech. He is forced to take care of himself, and I enforce it by watching him, and reminding him to take things slow.

At the same time I need to take things slow too, still suffering from the after-effects of Covid. No two days are the same. Some days I am terribly tired, others I feel okay. I am once again using an inhaler because I noticed that I gradually ‘build up’ shortness of breath over a couple of days. And then there’s the headaches. Sometimes all I want is to go to bed and sleep, and some days I do. My body forces me to, and Master T tells me too.

We watch each other, and remind each other to take things step by step. But, I can do better. I need to readjust to this ‘taking-it-slower’ mode, and that’s not easy, because I prefer to be busy.

Adjusting goals

One of the things I can do is to readjust my goals. Today, with this posts, it’s the 56th consecutive day a post appeared on my site without a day in between. A 56 day streak, WordPress calls it. Insane, right? One of my goals was ‘taking a step back’, but I can’t say that I have done that at all. Wanting to support memes makes me write… and write, and write.

It took me months to realize this, that I need to have a different approach to my writing. I need to combine things more, but instead of looking at memes I can combine, I write separate posts for the prompts. This is the first thing I want to change — as from May, more things will be combined. I can still support all the memes I want to, and write less.

Other goals that need to be adjusted are the relationship and personal goals I have set myself, simply because our circumstances have changed so much. The main focus now is to get Master T back to where he was before the stroke, or as close as possible to that.

Wants and needs

We all have wants and needs, but when other things, such as health, take a priority, those wants and needs may change. Currently those are focused on getting our health to improve, but of course there are also our wants and needs as a Dom and sub, and on a sexual level as a couple.

Sexual self-care

Master T can easily switch off his sexual wants and needs. I know they are still in there, simply because he sometimes pinches my nipple or cups my breast in his hand, or, when he tries to tickle me, his hand always seems to briefly end up between my legs. It’s his way of showing me he’s still interested, but for now just doesn’t have the energy to do anything about it.

I can switch off to a certain extent, but always get to a point where I need to do something about it. To release tension. To satisfy a need. Or just because I want an orgasm. The last time I masturbated was Master T’s second night in hospital, and I felt incredibly guilty about it the next morning. But I needed it to get rid of the tension in my body after the fright of seeing him have a stroke. The guilt quickly left me, thankfully. I haven’t been in a sexual mood since I came down with Covid, but when the urge comes back again, the orgasms will happen.

Much have changed in the past years, but the months before Master T’s stroke has shown me that we can get back from no sex to having regular sex again, and I am sure it will happen again. Once he has his physical self back to a level where he has more energy than now, we will get back to that. And until we do? Well, I guess I will just have to have regular masturbation sessions. After all, masturbation is a good thing, because of the happy hormones it releases.

D/s wants and needs

Because of the persistent shortness of breath, my sleep collar has disappeared into the nightstand drawer on Master T’s side. I cannot handle it around my neck at the moment. That was the one thing that kept us connected on a D/s level, or so I thought. Now that I am not sleeping with the night collar, I don’t feel any different. I still see Master T the same as I did when I wore it, and when our D/s was very active.

It’s all in the mindset. I am his sub, and he is my Dom, and that will always be so, even if our D/s is inactive. Our commitment stands, the same as our marriage does.

We both want to get back to the D/s, but other things are just more important now.

Focusing on self-care

At this moment in time it’s important for both Master T and me to focus on self-care. For us that doesn’t mean only taking care of ourselves, but also taking care of each other. We kiss a lot, hug even more, joke with each other, take short walks for him to exercise, have nice talks about anything under the sun, watch series together and sometimes we’re just quiet together, each doing their own thing.

I lose myself in Grey’s Anatomy on my tablet (a new ‘addiction’ – watching things where I don’t have to think) while he watches CNN, or he puts on New Amsterdam (see the trend) for me, while he plays a game on his phone. Everything is in perfect harmony, despite the curveballs life has thrown us. Together we are strong, and together we will get to the other side of this, by caring for ourselves while caring for each other.

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay

19 thoughts on “Checking in with self-care

  1. What a touching post to read, thank you for sharing (and linking up)

    In addition to the other wonderful comments I wanted to share some information that a good friend sent my way recently, regarding sexual needs.

    Following a conversation on masturbation and the confusing need to touch in times of adversity (even if not for release) she sent me Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, and sex features in the bottom row (physiological needs). Well, in the copy she send me it did!

    I guess what I’m trying to say is please don’t feel guilty for moments like that, if you have the urge then go with it. Maslow says its important! N xx

    1. You mentioning Maslow reminded me that indeed, he finds it important. I am trying hard not to feel guilty, because even in times of sadness, we do have needs, do need to reconnect with ourselves. I know it makes me feel better, even if only for a short time xox

  2. My phone saw your post as ‘Elf Care’ which I thought was a kind gesture this far from Christmas! But Self Care it is, and boy you need a special delivery of it. Hitting the brakes and slowing down to manage yourself is so important, but oddly harder than managing others. You have friends Marie, even the Elves!

    1. I can indeed do with a delivery… especially from the Elves. Slowing down isn’t going to happen now, with the new curveball life has thrown us. But, we will get there. I will get there xox

  3. I was really interested reading about your sleep collar as I know that has been something that really symbolised your D/s. I am really pleased that not wearing it has not changed the way that you feel about your submission. Great post with loads of food for thought as usual. And yay – you quadrupled up on memes! missy x

    1. The sleep collar is still not around my neck and with all going on, it will stay like this. And yes, I finally managed to get more memes in 😉

  4. Marie, the part you wrote about the sleep collar I can sincerely empathize with.You know Brigit and I have had our share of ups and downs over the years. But, I think the last two paragraphs under that heading are probably the most important to be mindful of. Our D/s is but one piece of our connection to each other. Much like a flower bulb can lay dormant, you know it is there it just isnt doing anything right now. But, you also know it will bloom again when the time is right and be as beautiful as the last time. Take care of yourselves.

    1. Thank you, Hiram. I have to say, I really love the analogy about the flower bulb. It’s perfect really.

  5. I think the past year has taught all of us that self-care is essential. We all need time to recover and recharge whether it be physically or mentally. Xo

  6. Thank you for this excellent reminder about self-care, Marie! I am glad to hear that you are thinking of your own care, and obviously, caring for Master T as well. I also had Covid (in Oct. 2020) and I have noticed that I have some exhaustion that just lingers. I try to rest on the days it is really strong. You take care of you! <3

    1. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had Covid too, Nora! Darn thing has nestled itself in my lungs, which means shortness of breath and not being able to do much at once. This morning I briskly walked about 100 meters because it was raining and I wanted to get to my car, and I was panting like I had run a marathon! It’s time I get back to the self-care theme of this year. High time! Take care, my friend ❤

  7. I’m right there with you on the blogging front. Self-care for me involves having some white space in my calendar, and I’ve been overdoing it on the blog. The A-Z challenge kicked my butt. And in May, I will be writing less and combining more, like you. I agree with Feve…the world sends us opportunity in the form of obstacles sometimes. If we stop fighting to get around them, sometimes we realize they are just what we needed. Not to say that you need covid or a stroke, but even tough things like that force us to reassess our priorities in a way me might otherwise not have.

    1. I think it’s when things like a stroke and covid happens, that we realize we’ve been on a path that can only lead to a crash, and that we have to take better care of ourselves. At least, that’s how it worked for me this time round. I need downtime, which is why I needed to rethink what I am doing. I have been posting a LOT in the past 2-3 years, and it’s time to stop this runaway train…

  8. Sometimes I think the purpose of outside forces “holding us down” is for us to be reminded that sometimes we need to keep still.


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