Masturbation pleasure and problems

An image of me with my legs spread, my hand on my pussy, giving myself some masturbation pleasure in front of the camera.
Image first shown here

When I was younger, masturbation was much different from what it is nowadays. Getting older definitely affects the masturbation pleasure on so many levels.

When I was younger

As a younger woman, and up until about 10 years ago, masturbation was easy. It was easy, because I got wetter than wet, and my fingers were more than enough to get me off. I loved pushing my fingers inside, and then pay intense attention to my clitoris, which got me off to a nice orgasm.

Up to my late thirties, I could get myself off more than once during a masturbation session, but on the other side of forty, after one climax, I had enough. It must also have been in my late thirties that I more or less switched from using my fingers to using sex toys. Now I have heard women say that they think they have ‘broken’ their clitoris because of using sex toys, and maybe they were right, but I really preferred using sex toys.

Functional masturbation pleasure

One of the reasons why I preferred to use sex toys, is because my masturbation sessions changes from self-indulgence to functional sessions. Sometimes I masturbated because I didn’t have an orgasm for some weeks, and just needed to get off, but most of the time it was because I was ordered to masturbate. It was set as a task.

Another reason was that sex toys helped to bring back the ‘unexpected’ element to orgasms. With my fingers, I knew exactly what to do, how to touch myself and where. This meant my masturbation sessions all more or less looked the same, even if I would add a dildo to the party. With sex toys that’s different. Yes, of course I knew the toy vibrated in a certain pattern, or exactly where it would touch me, but every session seemed to be different from the last. Sometimes I climaxed within a couple of seconds, and other times I could drag it out for many minutes.

Even so, I still alternated between sex toys and my fingers, as my fingers knew (and still does know) my body the best to bring me the utmost masturbation pleasure.

Masturbation pleasure as an older woman

Now that I am in full-blown menopause, all my masturbation sessions are functional. Sometimes I will masturbate only one week after the last session, and sometimes it takes weeks before I experience masturbation pleasure again.

So much has changed.

My mind is not busy with sex all the time anymore. The urge to have sex is much less than it was before, all because of the hormonal changes taking place in my body. With Master T’s health, this is a good thing, as otherwise frustration might have run high on my side.

I also don’t get as wet as I did before. I get wet yes, and where before I would stay wet, now I just don’t. It also seems that the skin of my vagina and inside my labia is more sensitive than before. I think it’s thinner, as when there has been too much fingering, it starts to burn, and the wetness seems to dry up, which makes the burning sensation even worse.

Something else I have noticed is that it takes longer to masturbate. Not only when I finger or rub myself, but also when Master T does it, and also when I use a toy. My orgasms just don’t build as quickly as I did before. I still can have multiple orgasms, but only if Master T is in the driving seat. Whether I use my fingers or a toy, one climax is enough for me. See, functional. I want to get off and I want to be done.

Oral sex masturbation

As Liz has mentioned, there are a lot of toys on the market which simulate oral stimulation. Even when I start out with my fingers, I always reach for either the Womanizer or the more recently acquired Lelo Sila.

I use the Womanizer when I want to drag out the session, as it takes me a bit longer to get off with it. The Sila is used when I want quick masturbation pleasure, when I have little time and getting off is my only goal.

These oral sex toys will never replace the real thing – a mouth, but it really comes close! Anyone with a clitoris should try one of these toys at least once.

Masturbation and mental health

Why do I masturbate? I have asked myself that sometimes, as I know I can easily go without sex for a long time. I have done that many times before, and it never killed me. But, even through all those times of no penetrative sex, or no sexual interaction with another individual, I masturbated.

I never had a set time to do so. When I was younger it would sometimes happen every night, and like I said, it now happens irregularly.

I came to the conclusion that I have to masturbate to release tension in my body. I literally feel a tension building, between my legs. Sometimes I try to ignore it, but it never works, as it seems to fill my mind in every quiet moment I have. If I would ignore this urge — my body asking for an orgasm — it will make me focus on the fact that my sex life has once more came to a standstill. It will send me into despair, and make me have dark thoughts like ‘I am only 54, married, and I don’t have sex’ or even worse ‘it’s because I am not attractive to him anymore that he doesn’t want sex with me’.

When I give into the urge, and give my body what it’s asking for, I help to keep the bad thoughts at bay. Masturbation pleasure is good for my mental health, and consequently for my sexual health.

The orgasm gap

I have never heard of the orgasm gap before, and found it really interesting to read about it. A couple of questions have been raised in the prompt post, and where I have answered some of them above, I want to answer a couple of others here.

Do you experience orgasm with just penetration? Does your partner?

I can’t orgasm from penetration only. I think this is one of the reasons why it took me until close to my thirties to experience the first mind-blowing orgasm. Before that, I thought that I orgasmed from PIV sex, because I really enjoyed it, but I was never left with that satisfying feeling.

When Master T and I have sex, he always makes sure I’ve had multiple orgasms, before he wants me to either go down on him, or he wants to fuck me. Sometimes — not every time — when he penetrates me, I will climax again, because my insides are all sensitive. If he would have penetrated me without all the fingering and orgasms, I would still have enjoyed the PIV sex, but I wouldn’t have climaxed. Only he would.

Do you regularly communicate to find out how your partner likes to be stimulated?

I don’t easily communicate my needs, but have over the years learned to do so with Master T. If ever I have a new sex partner, I have no idea whether I will be able to tell them what I like and what not, and how I want to be pleasured. I hope I will be able to do so, as I would appreciate them communicating what they like to me.

How is it that women who sleep with women are more able to orgasm than those who sleep with only men?

As a woman who have slept with women before — and hope to do so again — I think much of this is because one woman can read another woman’s body better than a man can, simply because the ‘body parts’ are the same. Here I don’t say there should be no communication, and you can only rely on what you know you yourself like, but it helps. I think this also go for sex between two men, but I might be mistaken.

Another reason might be — and once more, I can be totally mistaken, as I only speak from the experiences I had — is that women who sleep with women might be more patient when it comes to the act of making love to each other. Gentler touch, and taking the time to build the other towards an orgasm.

Though changed, still pleasurable

Even though so much have changed from my younger years, I still love playing with myself, whether only with my finger, only with a toy, or a combination of the two.

© Rebel’s Notes


25 thoughts on “Masturbation pleasure and problems

  1. There was so much covered in this post Marie and I found it really interesting. I have found my own masturbation has changed over time but have not yet experienced all of these symptoms. I do have a different approach these days to it though as there isn’t the same drive. I think I do it for more practical reasons as it is nice to get the orgasm and it relaxes me. Lots to thunk about here. Thank you for sharing. Missy x

    1. I hope to get back to more masturbation as the stress eases in my life, but somehow I think I am just in a ‘normal cycle’ where sex and masturbation gets less important because of getting older? I don’t know… just thinking out loud here.

  2. Ok so I think, I am the only male here who is commenting on this post, or I don’t know if any male has also commented here, but I also wanted to share on this topic so that we’ll get a male opinion also.

    Yes I beleive somewhat age matters in sex/masturbation.
    When I was young in my early 20s I had a long distance relationship and we used to have phone sex like approx daily, And we used to masturbate daily.

    Now things are different, it’s like I masturbate only thrice or just twice a month.
    It might be because I am single now, or I don’t know.

    Yes you really said correct, we sometimes masturbate just to release the tension or just calm our body. When there’s a long gap you tend to feel your body is getting warmer, and to release that heat of the body, I do masturbate.

    But I like to masturbate, and I prefer Saturday night. Though it’s like it’s been almost two weeks now I haven’t masturbated.

    Now that I am single, I masturbate to porn, but I prefer if there’s someone other side of the call or video call.

    And your image, your pussy looks delicious.

    Also I think you’ll like this
    https://sexoticstories.wordpress.com/

    1. Thank you for your comment, it’s always good to see the male version or opinion of things 🙂

  3. Interesting and very well set out Marie, you covered all the bases!

    I have found in the past (and during lockdown) if I don’t have sex or masturbate I’ll have a dream where I have a climax. This reminds me that my body needs an orgasm for it’s wellness or balance, so I try to make time to masturbate, the shower is a good place for me and it can be quite brisk & functional.

    My menopause has meant, like you, that I get wet but it’s lost it’s slipperyness and so I’m a big fan of lube. Even putting it on, all cold and immediately slick, makes me feel in the mood. Now you say it, I think I am noticing that rubbing to climax makes me a little tender too – like in my teens – but back then I would have done it loads and made myself sore, now it’s just the once!

    1. I need to start remembering to take toys to the shower with me, as I love it when the warm water runs over my body, and then to… play 😉

  4. Such a comprehensive post Marie – when i am stressed i dont want to masturbate at all – I think it is a survival thing. But when in a good place I prob like an orgasm every other day – and yes like u when i was younger this would have been every day – or twice a day
    May xx

    1. Sometimes I wish I can get back to daily masturbation, but I just don’t feel the ‘need’ anymore xox

  5. I greatly enjoyed reading this, Marie…and fabulous picture! I do masturbate to release tension at times…I find that very helpful in relaxing my mind and body. Also… I am very curious about the Lelo Sila…I read your linked post and looked it up on the toy’s website. I may have to try that one….

    1. I really love the Sila, and would love to hear your experiences if you decide to get it 🙂

  6. Illuminating read. For us guys it’s so easy, perhaps too easy. Don’t need to think about it, or only need to think about it as it were (BTW that pic has me thinking about it!)! I actually don’t master masturbate often, just not being about self indulgence and giving in seems like a defeat often times. Also that sexual buzz helps keep my imagination going for short film or photo story ideas.

    1. Thank you for your comment. I like reading things from the other side too, which is why I follow several ‘male blogs’, because it gives me insight into things I have no experience with, simply because I’m a woman 😉

  7. This is a brilliant post Marie. I relate to so much of what you say here … perhaps because we are of a similar “maturity” !!!
    But you put everything so well and I find myself nodding in agreement to almost every paragraph.
    Wonderful !!!
    Xxx – K

  8. Like you, I find that I have far less interest in masturbating during this time of my life; I used to orgasm at least once a day, usually more — both by myself and with a partner — but now I can go several weeks and the idea to masturbate doesn’t even cross my mind.

    1. I can’t even say that I miss it… it’s just… well… it is what it is 🙂

    1. If you follow the 4 thoughts link at the bottom of the story, there’s a post on that side which explains it all. I never heard of it before, but it did make sense to me.

  9. I know all about functional masturbation sessions. I’ve even masturbated while not in the mood, because well, it was necessary. I often find I am mellower and less bitchy after reaching an orgasm when it had been a long time. I’m happy to hear you can still masturbate and enjoy orgasms, even during menopause 🙂

      1. I went through menopause mid 40’s, I am 52 now. I am like a cat in heat compared to how I used to be. So many things are opposite for me than what I hear and read about other women in this age range. I know the feeling Marie of that thing that keeps building , building until for the public’s safety I need to masturbate.
        Lol, 😳

        1. Haha for the public’s safety… that certainly made me laugh. I guess we all experience menopause differently, and maybe surrounding circumstances are of influence too, not only menopause 🙂

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