When I was younger, masturbation was much different from what it is nowadays. Getting older definitely affects the masturbation pleasure on so many levels.
When I was younger
As a younger woman, and up until about 10 years ago, masturbation was easy. It was easy, because I got wetter than wet, and my fingers were more than enough to get me off. I loved pushing my fingers inside, and then pay intense attention to my clitoris, which got me off to a nice orgasm.
Up to my late thirties, I could get myself off more than once during a masturbation session, but on the other side of forty, after one climax, I had enough. It must also have been in my late thirties that I more or less switched from using my fingers to using sex toys. Now I have heard women say that they think they have ‘broken’ their clitoris because of using sex toys, and maybe they were right, but I really preferred using sex toys.
Functional masturbation pleasure
One of the reasons why I preferred to use sex toys, is because my masturbation sessions changes from self-indulgence to functional sessions. Sometimes I masturbated because I didn’t have an orgasm for some weeks, and just needed to get off, but most of the time it was because I was ordered to masturbate. It was set as a task.
Another reason was that sex toys helped to bring back the ‘unexpected’ element to orgasms. With my fingers, I knew exactly what to do, how to touch myself and where. This meant my masturbation sessions all more or less looked the same, even if I would add a dildo to the party. With sex toys that’s different. Yes, of course I knew the toy vibrated in a certain pattern, or exactly where it would touch me, but every session seemed to be different from the last. Sometimes I climaxed within a couple of seconds, and other times I could drag it out for many minutes.
Even so, I still alternated between sex toys and my fingers, as my fingers knew (and still does know) my body the best to bring me the utmost masturbation pleasure.
Masturbation pleasure as an older woman
Now that I am in full-blown menopause, all my masturbation sessions are functional. Sometimes I will masturbate only one week after the last session, and sometimes it takes weeks before I experience masturbation pleasure again.
So much has changed.
My mind is not busy with sex all the time anymore. The urge to have sex is much less than it was before, all because of the hormonal changes taking place in my body. With Master T’s health, this is a good thing, as otherwise frustration might have run high on my side.
I also don’t get as wet as I did before. I get wet yes, and where before I would stay wet, now I just don’t. It also seems that the skin of my vagina and inside my labia is more sensitive than before. I think it’s thinner, as when there has been too much fingering, it starts to burn, and the wetness seems to dry up, which makes the burning sensation even worse.
Something else I have noticed is that it takes longer to masturbate. Not only when I finger or rub myself, but also when Master T does it, and also when I use a toy. My orgasms just don’t build as quickly as I did before. I still can have multiple orgasms, but only if Master T is in the driving seat. Whether I use my fingers or a toy, one climax is enough for me. See, functional. I want to get off and I want to be done.
Oral sex masturbation
As Liz has mentioned, there are a lot of toys on the market which simulate oral stimulation. Even when I start out with my fingers, I always reach for either the Womanizer or the more recently acquired Lelo Sila.
I use the Womanizer when I want to drag out the session, as it takes me a bit longer to get off with it. The Sila is used when I want quick masturbation pleasure, when I have little time and getting off is my only goal.
These oral sex toys will never replace the real thing – a mouth, but it really comes close! Anyone with a clitoris should try one of these toys at least once.
Masturbation and mental health
Why do I masturbate? I have asked myself that sometimes, as I know I can easily go without sex for a long time. I have done that many times before, and it never killed me. But, even through all those times of no penetrative sex, or no sexual interaction with another individual, I masturbated.
I never had a set time to do so. When I was younger it would sometimes happen every night, and like I said, it now happens irregularly.
I came to the conclusion that I have to masturbate to release tension in my body. I literally feel a tension building, between my legs. Sometimes I try to ignore it, but it never works, as it seems to fill my mind in every quiet moment I have. If I would ignore this urge — my body asking for an orgasm — it will make me focus on the fact that my sex life has once more came to a standstill. It will send me into despair, and make me have dark thoughts like ‘I am only 54, married, and I don’t have sex’ or even worse ‘it’s because I am not attractive to him anymore that he doesn’t want sex with me’.
When I give into the urge, and give my body what it’s asking for, I help to keep the bad thoughts at bay. Masturbation pleasure is good for my mental health, and consequently for my sexual health.
The orgasm gap
I have never heard of the orgasm gap before, and found it really interesting to read about it. A couple of questions have been raised in the prompt post, and where I have answered some of them above, I want to answer a couple of others here.
Do you experience orgasm with just penetration? Does your partner?
I can’t orgasm from penetration only. I think this is one of the reasons why it took me until close to my thirties to experience the first mind-blowing orgasm. Before that, I thought that I orgasmed from PIV sex, because I really enjoyed it, but I was never left with that satisfying feeling.
When Master T and I have sex, he always makes sure I’ve had multiple orgasms, before he wants me to either go down on him, or he wants to fuck me. Sometimes — not every time — when he penetrates me, I will climax again, because my insides are all sensitive. If he would have penetrated me without all the fingering and orgasms, I would still have enjoyed the PIV sex, but I wouldn’t have climaxed. Only he would.
Do you regularly communicate to find out how your partner likes to be stimulated?
I don’t easily communicate my needs, but have over the years learned to do so with Master T. If ever I have a new sex partner, I have no idea whether I will be able to tell them what I like and what not, and how I want to be pleasured. I hope I will be able to do so, as I would appreciate them communicating what they like to me.
How is it that women who sleep with women are more able to orgasm than those who sleep with only men?
As a woman who have slept with women before — and hope to do so again — I think much of this is because one woman can read another woman’s body better than a man can, simply because the ‘body parts’ are the same. Here I don’t say there should be no communication, and you can only rely on what you know you yourself like, but it helps. I think this also go for sex between two men, but I might be mistaken.
Another reason might be — and once more, I can be totally mistaken, as I only speak from the experiences I had — is that women who sleep with women might be more patient when it comes to the act of making love to each other. Gentler touch, and taking the time to build the other towards an orgasm.
Though changed, still pleasurable
Even though so much have changed from my younger years, I still love playing with myself, whether only with my finger, only with a toy, or a combination of the two.
© Rebel’s Notes