In the past year I have developed a love-hate relationship with social media. It wasn’t always like this, but the corona year of 2020 has changed a lot for me.
I have written about social media before, back in 2011 when I shared my thoughts about Twitter, after a particularly nasty incident with one individual who tried to claim me, and was immensely jealous of me talking to others. I recently came across the messages this individual had sent me back then, and felt the chills run through my body when I read it.
And then of course, 2020 happened, and I took a step back from social media, and haven’t managed to return to it. The love-hate relationship intensified with all the events of 2020.
Who am I on social media
I am always myself. Whether I am ‘hiding’ behind a pseudonym, or whether I am on my vanilla accounts, I am who I am. Whether I have a good or a bad day, if I post something on social media, my words will reflect that.
On social media, I use the same voice as I use on this site. Always me, and always true to myself. I have met many people in real life whom I had first spoken to on social media, and not one of them had told me that my real self is different from my online persona. I don’t believe in a masquerade, in being who you are not.
Where am I on social media
I have two Facebook accounts, and two Twitter accounts, one each for my real name and my pseudonym. Besides this I also have a vanilla Instagram account. Obviously links to my real name accounts are only for family and friends, people I know I can trust. Yes, this also means there are some family members I don’t share my vanilla accounts with.
I didn’t only have a Facebook account as Marie Rebelle, but also an author page. I recently opted to delete the author page, since it took me too much time to add posts there, and I barely ever get views from it. And, why a page if I can add the posts directly to my profile, which is what I am doing now. I earned this Facebook account the hard way, as there was a time someone reported me, saying it’s not my real name, but Facebook allowed the account since I could proof it’s my writing name.
Why am I on social media?
The very first social media accounts I had was first Hyves (a Dutch platform which doesn’t exist anymore), and Facebook under my real name. Both these accounts were created because our youngest (who wasn’t yet a teenager at the time, but very savvy with computers) mentioned she had created accounts. They were done more or less to keep an eye on her, but of course that’s not the case anymore. My vanilla Twitter account is to keep in touch with family, friends and ex-colleagues in South Africa.
I created my Twitter account as Marie Rebelle because I realized I could promote my blog. In the beginning of this account and the blog I promoted quite aggressively — each new post was tweeted 5 times a day — but have long stopped with that. I mostly just allow the post to be promoted with automated services.
Another reason why I created my Twitter account was to get in contact with like-minded people. Other submissives. Other bloggers. It’s wonderful to say that I have made quite a number of friends because of social media.
My Facebook account was created simply to promote my blog.
Will the love-hate relationship ever change?
I don’t know if it will. My confidence have taken a huge blow last year. I still look back on what happened, and think it could really have been done differently. Not by means of attacks, but by simple communication. I prefer not to think of that time, as it had left me suffering from panic attacks, and just thinking about it, my heart starts racing again. What happened had taught me that many people are not who they seem to be, and it has left me trusting very little people online.
Something else keeping me away from my accounts, both vanilla and not, is the comments on some posts. I have seen it so many times – news articles being shared, and the vile comments being left on it. There is so much hate in the world. I get it when you are passionate about something, but this is not that. What I see are personal attacks. Vile comments. It’s upsetting, and makes me avoid social media for a couple of days.
I want the love-hate relationship to change. I would love to get back to posting on Twitter frequently again. To not double-guess every. damn. word. I type. Sometimes I think I should just do it. Start out carefully the way I did when I had just created my account. Feel the water. Then I see a tweet, feel my chest tighten, and I am gone again.
Who knows, maybe one day I will love Twitter again, and until then, I will just keep on promoting my work.
© Rebel’s Notes
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