People say to me: “I don’t know how you manage with all that’s happening in your life.”
Mostly I just shrug my shoulders, say ‘ah well, life happens’, and move on to the next subject, as I prefer not to talk about it. Writing about it is okay, but a one-on-one conversation about it all? No, then I have to actually feel and then the tears come.
Life happens, and influences everything
I would say the past four and a half years — counting from September 2016 — have taught me a lot about how everything in your life can be influenced by the fact that life happens. Where we all know that times of bad health can cross our paths, I wonder if we are ever prepared for it.
It makes me think of an anecdote. There was a colleague at work who went for her bi-annual screening for breast cancer. A colleague and I both said that if we would discover a lump, we would immediately have a breast amputation. Naive, I know, and knew even better when less than a year later, I did discover a lump, and knew I would do everything not to have an amputation. From then on, it became my mantra to say that you never know how you will act in a situation, until you are actually in it.
That’s the same with bad health, whether your own or your partner’s. You have to deal with it. There’s no way to prepare for it, other than to know you will be there for the other, no matter what. When life happens, it doesn’t always have to be about bad health. It can be busy times at work, dealing with family issues, or any kind of disconnect you can think of. When this happens, you just don’t know what influence it will have on life as you knew it, on work, on friendships, family time, your love for each other and yes, your sex life.
Sex and D/s
With all that happened in the past years, and is happening now, it’s obvious our sex life and D/s relationship have suffered. I have written about it much on this site, so won’t bore you with any of the details anymore.
In the past months our sex life has really picked up again, and I even saw the signs of dominance returning to Master T. It made me hopeful for the future, hopeful that we will return to what we had. We even had a couple of conversations about it, him admitting that he missed it as much as I did, and that he has every intention to return to it again. Oh, that one night when I questioned something he told me to do and he answered: “All you have to do is listen.”
It sent delicious shivers through my body. There were more moments like those, and I allowed myself to start dreaming again. Of floggers and butt plugs. Kneeling and spankings. Of ‘yes sirs’ and ‘good girls’.
Then Master T had a stroke.
His energy levels are low, and he has to rest after every activity. Has to spread his energy out over the day. Obviously sex and D/s both had to take their place on the back burner again. Life happens, and we have to deal with it.
Things that pull me through
One of the most important things that pull me through everything, is my connection with Master T. I can go without the sex, but I cannot go without this connection, without the feeling that I belong to and with him. When we committed to each other, we did so for life, and I am confident to say that nothing will change that.
At this moment I don’t miss sex. My head is too full to think of it; my body too tired. But, when the urge returns, and Master T is still not up for it, I will return to my functional masturbation sessions, watching a porn clip, and using a toy for the sole purpose of getting off.
Where our D/s is close to non-existent, and under current circumstances will not return — sometimes I wonder if it ever will — there is one thing that kept it alive, and that is Master T putting my night collar on me every night. Yes, there have been exceptions, like now with Covid and me first suffering from nausea for two nights, then a slight shortness of breath for several others, but on average my night collar had been around my neck for 95% of our nights in the past 5 years. If he would entirely stop with putting it around my neck, I will know we have reached the end of our D/s commitment, something I think will probably never happen.
Life happens, love binds
Life happens to all of us, and we all have to deal with it — not only the good, but also the bad. I live with the love of my life, and that makes difficult times easier, and good times get a beautiful golden frame because I share them with him. Our love for each other and the bond we share make living life with all its ups and downs an interesting and rewarding journey.
© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay