Life happens, love binds

An image of a black cup with white printing saying 'love your life' to go with my post 'Life happens, love binds'.

People say to me: “I don’t know how you manage with all that’s happening in your life.”
Mostly I just shrug my shoulders, say ‘ah well, life happens’, and move on to the next subject, as I prefer not to talk about it. Writing about it is okay, but a one-on-one conversation about it all? No, then I have to actually feel and then the tears come.

Life happens, and influences everything

I would say the past four and a half years — counting from September 2016 — have taught me a lot about how everything in your life can be influenced by the fact that life happens. Where we all know that times of bad health can cross our paths, I wonder if we are ever prepared for it.

It makes me think of an anecdote. There was a colleague at work who went for her bi-annual screening for breast cancer. A colleague and I both said that if we would discover a lump, we would immediately have a breast amputation. Naive, I know, and knew even better when less than a year later, I did discover a lump, and knew I would do everything not to have an amputation. From then on, it became my mantra to say that you never know how you will act in a situation, until you are actually in it.

That’s the same with bad health, whether your own or your partner’s. You have to deal with it. There’s no way to prepare for it, other than to know you will be there for the other, no matter what. When life happens, it doesn’t always have to be about bad health. It can be busy times at work, dealing with family issues, or any kind of disconnect you can think of. When this happens, you just don’t know what influence it will have on life as you knew it, on work, on friendships, family time, your love for each other and yes, your sex life.

Sex and D/s

With all that happened in the past years, and is happening now, it’s obvious our sex life and D/s relationship have suffered. I have written about it much on this site, so won’t bore you with any of the details anymore.

In the past months our sex life has really picked up again, and I even saw the signs of dominance returning to Master T. It made me hopeful for the future, hopeful that we will return to what we had. We even had a couple of conversations about it, him admitting that he missed it as much as I did, and that he has every intention to return to it again. Oh, that one night when I questioned something he told me to do and he answered: “All you have to do is listen.”

It sent delicious shivers through my body. There were more moments like those, and I allowed myself to start dreaming again. Of floggers and butt plugs. Kneeling and spankings. Of ‘yes sirs’ and ‘good girls’.

Then Master T had a stroke.

His energy levels are low, and he has to rest after every activity. Has to spread his energy out over the day. Obviously sex and D/s both had to take their place on the back burner again. Life happens, and we have to deal with it.

Things that pull me through

One of the most important things that pull me through everything, is my connection with Master T. I can go without the sex, but I cannot go without this connection, without the feeling that I belong to and with him. When we committed to each other, we did so for life, and I am confident to say that nothing will change that.

At this moment I don’t miss sex. My head is too full to think of it; my body too tired. But, when the urge returns, and Master T is still not up for it, I will return to my functional masturbation sessions, watching a porn clip, and using a toy for the sole purpose of getting off.

Where our D/s is close to non-existent, and under current circumstances will not return — sometimes I wonder if it ever will — there is one thing that kept it alive, and that is Master T putting my night collar on me every night. Yes, there have been exceptions, like now with Covid and me first suffering from nausea for two nights, then a slight shortness of breath for several others, but on average my night collar had been around my neck for 95% of our nights in the past 5 years. If he would entirely stop with putting it around my neck, I will know we have reached the end of our D/s commitment, something I think will probably never happen.

Life happens, love binds

Life happens to all of us, and we all have to deal with it — not only the good, but also the bad. I live with the love of my life, and that makes difficult times easier, and good times get a beautiful golden frame because I share them with him. Our love for each other and the bond we share make living life with all its ups and downs an interesting and rewarding journey.

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay



15 thoughts on “Life happens, love binds

  1. The love that projects from your written words speak directly to my heart. Your strength and hope give me courage and hope for all that lies ahead. We are aging D/sers and fortunately for my mental health I dwell on the positive experiences we have had and live with these thoughts in mind. If I didn’t have that ability, I’d lose my shit in a heartbeat. When I think of the health issues we have faced over the past many years, I realize that the lifestyle has really helped me stay sane through all of it. Example is about 2 to 3 years ago Master had a horrendous accident just as things were really accelerating in some kink areas. I remember sharing my anxiety about this with a few subs and the concern was lack of intimacy for an unknown amount of time. But one sub’s reaction was to look at the upside. “Wow! What an opportunity for service!” she said. And that was the game changer for me. From then on I found deep satisfaction in his daily care. Our lives changed after that awakening which was just the simple fact that life is never stagnant and I need to live in the moment and rejoice in it.

    Strokes are devastating and I keep you and Master T in my heart and prayers. Our oldest daughter had a stroke two weeks after the birth of her second child. She lost her sight and we were literally paralyzed with confusion as to how we would adapt to this new situation. Somehow it all came together quickly and one thing we learned right away was what a loving family we had.

    xo elskiling

    1. Oh Elskling, reading about your daughter… I cried. I am so intensely sorry to hear this, and hope and pray things will be okay with her. I can’t begin to imagine what your family is going through. Sending all hugs and positive thoughts to you and yours.

      As for the service aspect of D/s – yes, I have discovered it too, and where it might not be obvious to others, it’s definitely there, and I like it. We might not be active D/s at the moment, but we are still D/s. Thank you so much for your comment xox

  2. I love the golden frame metapbor. 💛 This is what true partnership is…”in sickness and health…good times and bad…” We do for eachother what must be done.

  3. I’m so sorry to read about Master T’s stroke. I have followed along for so long and admired your strength and the love you share with Master T – love will conquer. Take care, Marie.

    1. We will get through this, because we have each other. Thank you for your comment, Jade 🙂

  4. I agree with the idea that love binds and feel that my connection with HL is always there, even though it may appear in different shapes and forms. I know that you and Master T will be back to a higher level of protocol when life allows as it is something you both want at your core. Keep being strong and keep believing. Missy x

    1. We will indeed get back to it, for how far his health will eventually allow it. We might have to find a ‘new’ way, but we will xox

  5. Marie,
    I have walked the path of life dropping boulders into the mix. I just square my shoulders, take a deep breath (okay maybe I have muttered, Not again🤬) and keep moving, taking it step by step. When people sometimes remark, “why aren’t you crazy, or are you okay, you seem so calm! I ask what would you have me do, throw myself to the floor and have a tantrum, lol.
    The little things will probably be the end of me.
    I respect and admire you, your writings, and generally your keep moving mentality.

    I know you have Master T, but should you ever want to just let loose, I will always listen. ❤️

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, NonyaB. Yes, people ask me too… how do you do all of it… but it’s just that we have to push through. Having a tantrum and lying on the floor solves nothing, right?

  6. You impress me with your strength Marie. You have much to process and deal with, but you are being very pragmatic about it. Your must share your reserves and energy with those around you, for they depend on you as you depend on them and your love and trust must be like a beacon for Master T. I love your description of putting a gold frame around cherished moments – that’s an attitude I shall copy. You have my admiration, always.

    1. Thank you for your kind comment, Posy, I need to be strong, because of those around me needing me. Thankfully, even now, sometimes I can lean on Master T, which gives me the strength to carry on.

  7. You are so right Marie. And no matter how difficult situations seem at the time, I always try to tell myself one just has to try to be as strong as possible and move on. I know it often doesn’t seem like it at the time, but I try to remind myself of that old saying “time is a great healer”.
    Sending thoughts and best wishes.
    Xxx – K

    1. Time is a great healer indeed – it at least helps you to work through things, and give it a place. And it helps us to become stronger when we overcome difficult times 🙂 xox

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