Beautiful Noise, a tribute

An image of the album cover of Beautiful Noise by Neil Diamond.

In May it will be fourteen years since I had last seen my father, and that was after thirteen years of not seeing him, since I had moved away. In all those years, whenever I heard the song Beautiful Noise by Neil Diamond, I thought of him, my father. And I still do.

Something I haven’t mentioned in Wednesday’s post, but I did briefly mention it a week before, is that my father is gravely ill. Two infections in his lungs, heart failure, and a stroke. They are keeping him mostly sedated, but they know he’s paralyzed on his right, and if he comes out of this, he has a very long road ahead of him. He’s supposed to turn 80 in 3 months, and I really hope he makes it.

My father and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, and sometimes years went by without any contact.

When we were children, I was his favorite. Where parents shouldn’t have favorites, it was clear to everyone I was. But, I was his favorite only to show off with. Whenever I did well in gymnastics, he would brag to everyone how good I was, but not once did he attend any of my competitions. Only my mom did. He called me his darling, his sweetheart, his little girl, until the day I told my parents I was pregnant.

From them on, I wasn’t his favorite anymore. Our contact was sporadic. Sometimes I visited him for a weekend, and occasionally he stayed with me for a night, because he needed a halfway house on his way to wherever. Of course, my move to the Netherlands didn’t help to keep in contact. I believe that all he always loved me, the way I did him; that he always saw me as his daughter, the way I always said that no matter what, he’s still my father.

There was a time when we had more frequent contact, and then suddenly that stopped again, for years. We only started having contact again when my mom fell ill, and he sent her the most beautiful and kind messages.

After her passing, our contact stayed. He sent me old photos. We shared memories from my childhood, talked about family. Even gossiped at times. He even admitted the big mistake he and my mom made when my daughter was born — a story for another time.

One thing we never spoke about, is Beautiful Noise, or any of the other music we used to listen to. There was Elvis, and Engelbert Humperdinck, Tom Jones, Jim Reeves and many more. But the one song that always reminds me of my father, and probably always will, is Beautiful Noise.

Beautiful noise… what a song… from the moment you hear the cars, the intro music, and then the beautiful voice of Neil Diamond. This song keeps on playing in my head, while I worry about my father, think of all that has been said in the past year, and how I finally felt a bit closer to him again.

He’s a tough one, my father, and I know he’s fighting hard at this moment. I hope he gets through this, and when he does, we will talk about music.

We might not have had a good relationship all through my life, but he always will be my dad.

Note: The above was written about ten days ago. Yesterday afternoon (17.04.2021) my father passed away. He never regained consciousness. His beautiful noise is now silent. My heart aches.

© Rebel’s Notes

Musically Ranting

16 thoughts on “Beautiful Noise, a tribute

  1. I am so sorry for your loss Marie. I never feel like those words are enough or maybe they don’t convey the emotion behind them. That is a very special song and I hope it will give you the good memories of your father.

    1. Thank you, Jae. This song will always bear memories of my father. Good ones.

  2. So sorry for your loss Marie, but this is a wonderful tribute to your relationship, and your strength in forgiving him, and keeping the door open for him to communicate with you whenever he felt able. I think in this modern age, we don’t grasp what limitations and obstacles the concept of ‘principles’ presented to a person of an older era. My father was 93 when he died and I know, although he continued to love us all no matter what we did, some of our choices and actions shocked and hurt him because of how he felt the world would view him as a parent – that people would find his guidance and nurturing lacking. Maybe that was your father’s issue, parenting is never easy.

    It is wonderful to have beautiful things in common with someone, and now you’ll always have this song, (plus many other treasured memories) to hold in your heart as a tribute to everything you shared with him. Brave & beautiful Marie, thank you for writing this post.

    1. You are right, Posy, parenting is never easy, and I can see that my father might have worried about what people would think of him, seeing the mistakes I made. It’s good he and I had a kind of bond the past years, and yes, this song and others will definitely always remind me of him.

  3. <3 <3 <3 –
    I m such a fan of Neil Diamond. You see my Mum loved him and his music so i took her to see him several times in London. He was amazing. One funny thing, in the middle of his concert he invites anyone who want to down to the front for a kiss! What an performer
    May xx

    1. He’s brilliant! A couple of years ago Master T and I went to one of his concerts. So good! xox

  4. Oh…this is sad, Marie. But I think many parents make these mistakes with their children. They can’t get past their own expectations long enough to accept their kids as they are, with all the flaws and the screw ups. I think we may be changing as parents, but maybe that’s just because I know I would never do that to my own kid. I do hope your father makes it, and that you have more opportunities to heal your connection.

    1. We all make mistakes with our children, even if we don’t want to. And some things are seen as mistakes, even though they never were. Sadly I will never be able to work more on the connection between me and my father, as he passed away the day before this post went live (there’s a note under the video).

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