No Consent: Gaining strength

This is the rework of a self-published auto-biographical story (2008), rewritten for this blog. Names of characters have been changed.
Content warning: mental and physical abuse, misogyny.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.

Gaining strength
November 1994

Continued from… Odette and Rachelle (2)

Not long after Annie and Odette had returned to the living room, Fred and Rachelle walked in too.
“And,” Fred asked with a cunning laugh, “did the two of you have as much fun as we did?”

Annie and Odette both answered affirmative and emphasized their answer by firmly squeezing each other’s hands. What Fred didn’t know was that this gesture was all because of their reaffirmed camaraderie. A flash of jealousy crossed Fred’s face when he totally misread the intimate moment between them.

For a while, the four of them sat in the living room, lightly chattering and enjoying another drink. Directly under the surface of their pretense, the sphere was thick with unpleasantness. Far too late for Rachelle still to drive home, she and Odette left. Odette was upset with Rachelle and she didn’t make any effort to hide it from her.

Annie locked the gate behind them and stood there for a couple of seconds, trying to calm her pounding heart. She breathed in deeply, and walked back to the house, locked the back door and went to the bathroom, where Fred was just getting out of a warm bath. Annie undressed and got into the bath. She leaned backwards with a suppressed sigh.

“What were you doing earlier?” Fred asked Annie while putting on his underpants.
Annie saw his anger, but didn’t know exactly which part of the evening had made him so angry. Also, Annie thought she had more reason to be upset than he had. A devilish and rebellious feeling took hold of her. This gave her more inner strength than she had in months.

“What are you hinting at?” she asked. Her voice was very calm.
She didn’t want to make Fred angrier than he already was, but she wasn’t prepared to let him walk all over her either. Not again.

Fred walked to the bath. He leant towards Annie.
“Why didn’t you want to go with Rachelle?”

Annie was flabbergasted. She just stared at Fred. Somehow she expected that this was why he was angry, but at the same time it was the last thing she had expected him to be angry about. She tried to explain her reasoning about Joy.
“Don’t lie!” he screamed. “You didn’t want to go with her because you wanted to be alone with Odette!”

Stunned, Annie looked at him. She shook her head — partly in denial, partly in disbelief. Fred never gave her a chance to say anything. He raged on. Leaning even closer to Annie and looking her straight in the eye, he hissed: “You only pretend to be bisexual. But you, you, you…” he stammered, “… you are nothing but a fucking lesbian!”

Something, somewhere deep inside Annie snapped. Her calmness was gone. The bottled up anger of the last months, the grinding feeling in her about all the unfairness she had to endure, her irritation with Fran, her aversion to Fred’s bizarre sexual habits, her powerlessness under Fred’s charm when she just met him, her indecisiveness to end this torture she lived in — everything bubbled up at once and exploded. It was like a dyke bursting and the water threatening to drag everything with it.

You were wrong tonight. You! You saw a new cunt and couldn’t stop yourself until you’ve had it!” Annie now too screamed.

Then she froze.

As if in slow motion, she saw Fred’s arm moving upwards. It would be a matter of seconds before Fred would use the only way he knew to get him out of a difficult situation. He was going to hit her! She waited for the blow, but this time she was not as numb as the previous times.

“Hit me! Hit me! Come on! Hit me then!” she taunted him.
“But Fred,” she said with a wicked laugh, “you just remember that I’m in bath. If you hit me and I faint, you have a big problem. A problem you would not be able to solve easily.”

Without a word from him, Fred lowered his hand and went to the adjoining bedroom. Annie didn’t take the time to enjoy the effect her words had on him. She was fuming. Now she was the one to be blinded by an exploding anger. Without any attention for the fact that she wasn’t done bathing yet, she grabbed a towel and followed Fred into the bedroom. He was in bed already, his eyes fixed on the television. Annie didn’t exist for him. If possible at all, her anger intensified.

“I. Am. Not. A. Lesbian. You know that. You are the one with a problem, not me,” she continued her tirade.
“Shut your trap and go to bed,” was Fred’s almost inaudible answer.

Annie got back into bath and washed herself. She brushed her teeth and got into bed next to Fred. No matter how angry she was, she didn’t have the guts to just go to her own room. Once she turned her back on Fred, she couldn’t sleep.

It was over, that much she knew. After what happened tonight, she had no inclination of continuing with Fred and Fran. She felt stronger than ever, even though she didn’t yet know how she would use this regained strength.

To be continued… Advantages and disadvantages (1)

© Rebel’s Notes

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