Sprinkles of kink were always present throughout my life. Obviously, for many years, it has only been in my fantasies, but as I grew older, I have dipped my toes into kink in some ways, but only really got to express my kinky side when Master T and I met.
Exhibitionism as kink
One of the first kinks I explored, even at the too young age of ten or eleven, was exhibitionism. Even when there was no one around, I pretended that people could see me when I pulled my panties aside and exposed my private bits to the air outside. By the time I was eighteen I involved a cousin in a naked photo shoot in the pool, and loved looking at the photos afterwards.
My exhibitionism was more or less dormant for many years, except for those occasions when I had the urge to ‘show myself’, like wearing a sexy babydoll to bed, to surprise my first husband. In my second marriage I tried to get my husband involved in taking photos of me, and posting them online. He did it when I asked, but never initiated it. I got tired of that and took my own images and posted them on a voyeur platform.
With Master T it was different. He initiated many photo shoots, and only stopped those when he had problems with his health. He still takes the occasional photo of me, especially after sex and then either keeps it in his own personal archive, or posts it on Twitter. Because of Master T’s health, I am now photographer and model, and still sharing my photos.
Sex with more than one
Something I have fantasized of for all of my adult life, is having sex with more than one person at the same time. The first time this happened was in my mid twenties, when I got involved with a married couple. That was a toxic relationship, but I had quite a number of sessions where either I had sex with the couple, or with two other women.
About a year or so after we started our D/s relationship, we also had a couple of dates with others. Where sex happened, I never had sex with more than one person at the same time. I either was with the woman or the man of a couple, or when we dated men, sex happened between me and the man, while Master T snapped photos to record every detail, and feed my exhibitionism kink.
There was only once when I was touched in a sexual way by two people at the same time, but this was more about the massage than about sex, and a date which I was glad ended. The other time when three of us were involved in a sexual act, was when myself and another woman sucked Master T’s cock.
Submission… my kink?
I have wondered many times whether submission is my ultimate kink, but came to the conclusion that it’s not.
Being able to submit myself to Master; to hand over control to him, feeds a need in me. There are many people around me — family, friends and colleagues — who will call me crazy when they know I submit to him. They don’t understand it.
A life without submission is not appealing to me. This doesn’t mean I will submit to just anyone. I have many times wondered that if Master T is taken from me (god forbid!), whether I would ever trust someone enough again to submit to them. Master T understands me without words, and I like our kind of kink, the way we have shaped our D/s to be what we want it to be.
It’s not the submission that’s the kink. The submission is who I am. I am a submissive woman at heart, but I only submit when I trust fully. Once I trust, and I submit, I feel safe to openly explore my kinks too. In the past I explored some kinks in private, and never shared with anyone, because I didn’t trust.
There are many things I still want to explore with Master T, but even if we never get to do it, as long as I can submit to him, I am happy.
A sexual bucket list
I have written a sexual bucket list — a #fucketlist — before, and many of the points on there still apply. Other things I can add to that, can be seen as a kink in itself:
- To have sex with two men at the same time.
- In relations to the previous point: double penetration.
- To be spanked at least once a week.
- Maybe not a sexual act, but definitely a fantasy of mine: a sexy boudoir photoshoot.
- Ever since our D/s started, a deep wish of mine has always been to be set frequent tasks. I have tried several times to make this reality, but sadly, all of those attempts have failed, so this remains an item in my bucket list.
Sprinkles of kink
To be honest, nowadays much of the kink in my life only happens in my head. My mind will always be a kinky one, and I will always explore the things I can on my own, or with Master T, when his health allows. My life will never be only vanilla, if only for the thoughts in my head and writing on this blog, but my life is not entirely filled with kink at this moment either. I guess you can say I live my life with sprinkles of kink…
© Rebel’s Notes
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