Exposed, in more way than one

An image showing how I am exposed under my dress.
Image first appeared here

When I first saw this 4Thoughts prompt, it instantly reminded me writing about being exposed, because my mom knew my pseudonym. I re-read that post today, and it made me smile. My mom really was the coolest. I read through the prompt, and the first sentence — Social media makes it so easy to expose ourselves — made me think of something else.

Exposure before social media

Something else I have written about before, is how I flashed my crotch at the neighbour — we were both teenagers. I believe I have also written about the series of nudes I had taken when I was about eighteen — actually my cousin took them — and how they were discovered by the people I lived with at the time. The had destroyed the photos and told me if they ever found something like that again, they would tell my mom and uncle. I never did it again… well, not while living with them. All of this was long before social media was a thing, and I remember going to pick up those photos at the shop, wondering whether the people behind the counter might’ve seen my nudes!

Exposed in the past ten years

I started this website in January 2010, and a year later, I created my Twitter account. This was mainly because I wanted to promote my words, but soon I discovered that Twitter was also a place where I could share sexy images. Some of those images also made their way to my blog, and obviously all of the images on my blog also made it to Twitter. I loved sharing my images, and loved it even more when Master T shared an image of me. He exposed me to the world, and I saw the love and pride in his eyes when he did it.

I am a exhibitionist at heart, and deep down I love knowing others see my images and like them. I enjoy reading the comments on my images, but it makes me uncomfortable if someone would say out loud or send me a private message that they are hard because of my image, or masturbating to it. The uncomfortable feelings come because I have no idea how to respond to it. Also because I am always wary that the sender of the message might see a simple ‘thank you’ as an invitation for a sex chat, something I don’t engage in.

Exposure happens here

In the past year my Twitter presence has dwindled, because it stopped being the place it used to be. I have tried many times to reclaim the feeling it gave me up to March 2020, but finding my way back is a long process. I need to trust again.

My blog has always been my safe space, which is why all exposure now happens here. Not only in images, but also in words. Here I share all the happy and sexy moments, but also the hardships of life, like the situation with my son. I share my thoughts, my feelings. Images with and without clothes. Anything I want to share, I share here.
(And yes, I know, that finds it way to social media too, but that’s okay.)

Some things I don’t share

My pseudonym and the link to my blog is something I don’t share easily. My kids will never hear it from my mouth, and many other people won’t either. Some years ago, when my book was just published, I made the mistake of sharing the book with some colleagues, and I still regret that deeply. I should never have done it, and I hope by now they have forgotten about it. If not, so be it.

There are also other things I don’t share. I have written about my son, about his mental health problems and how worried I am, but I have also left out a lot of information, to protect his privacy. Very recently a new medical emergency occurred in our family. I found myself in a position where I sat with my fingers ready to type out a message, but I just couldn’t.

No, that’s not right. I could, but I didn’t want to. Not yet. I would feel too exposed. I think much of that had to do with my own feelings, because I tend to switch off in emergencies, do what needs to be done, and only really feel when things get calmer. It will be a long time before that happens, so maybe the day comes that I will share, and maybe it just never comes.

I guess, just like with my images and my words, I want to choose the moment I expose myself.

© Rebel’s Notes


4 Thoughts or Fiction

17 thoughts on “Exposed, in more way than one

  1. I just reread your exposure post about your mom too and it made me smile too :-), Indeed a cool mom, but not only a cool mom but also nice to read that she was proud of you too.
    To expose yourself, you make yourself vulnerable and to be able to do that in the way you do, you have to be strong.
    Thank you for your exposures! This is no invitation for a sex chat ;-).
    I love reading your stories and looking at and seeing your photos…but you already knew that.

    1. I indeed already knew that, and I really appreciate you being one of my long-time readers and returning for more 🙂

  2. I think you strike a good balance in what you share. There is more than enough to let us see your authenticity and connect with you but not so much that you expose others or put yourself in a position where you could be harmed. I can also understand not sharing on twitter. Not only can the wolves turn but you are also speaking to an audience of thousands. In real life it would be inconceivable to announce such personal things so such a huge audience and yet the anonymity of social media allows us, mistakenly, to feel it is a more intimate space. Great post. Missy x

    1. You are so right, Missy, both about the wolves on social media, but also about the false feeling of it being an intimate space. I notice that I am much more careful with what I share there, but also think things through before I post on my blog, while staying true to myself. Thank you for your nice comment 🙂 xox

  3. Nice picture rebel but I’m writing because I want to ask you something personable I dont want my name mentioned if this is possible please text me back

    1. Hi Erik, you can use my contact page (see the menu above in the red bar) to get in contact with me. That way I will get an email from you and no one else will see it.

  4. Exposing yourself is a choice and one you make when you want to. But sometimes talking about others – family etc – is very difficult as we have to value their privacy while exposing what we want to about ourselves.
    Excellent post Marie

    May xx

  5. Your words reveal so we’ll just how exciting it is to expose ourselves, in spite of all of the complications. It was great to hear about your pre social media exhibitionism!

  6. That’s always the question. What and how much to share? I know I have shared a bit too much sometimes, that’s why I have started and deleted my blog a few times. It’s a fine line and the thought of others finding it is always there. When you are comfortable with that possibility, this is a good way to work through the stuff rolling around in your head. And it’s free…

    1. I think there should always be a balance in how much and what we share, especially with the nature of our blogs. But, my blog is indeed also my space to work through stuff, although with recent events I seem to mull it around in my head for weeks before I am finally ready to write about it.

  7. For me, sharing my thoughts and information about me is my choice but writing personal things about a loved one and their struggles, even when it’s a huge part of me and my feelings, could expose them. If this makes sense? I have typed so many things and just deleted them opting for just a picture.
    lilly

    1. It indeed makes perfect sense, which is why I am careful with how much I share, and want it to be about my feelings, not about what the loved one is going through. But it’s always a fine line, and like you, I have typed many things and then just deleted it again.

  8. Yes choosing one’s moment of when … and what … to share, is important in everything we do isn’t it.
    I know sometimes it’s fun to do things on the spur-of-the-moment, but like you (and like us all probably), there have been times when I’ve shared too much, or been to open.
    Xxx – K

    1. Sharing too much and being to open, especially in person, is something I regret, especially with some people. Because of all the hurt of last year, I am much more careful what I share and who I share it with. I now write, and delete, write, delete… and do this over and over again until I am comfortable with what I share xox

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