The right head space

A bondage image of a woman lying on her side to go with my post about getting in the right head space for play.

Normally when I see a topic of Tell Me About… Dominance and Submission, I have a clear idea on what I want to write, but the current topic — head space — sparked absolutely nothing. How could I write about head space, with our D/s being so low, and only just (with baby steps) being ignited again. I had no idea where to start, and when trying to define head space for myself, I couldn’t.

I tried to find definitions to spark something to write about, but then I found this:

If you are experiencing trouble with head space, you will likely experience kink like never before if you incorporate some of the following concepts into your life. The primary obstacle to overcome is allowing your heart, genitalia and mind to accept that during play, those people who take on the role of top and dominant are simply “givers” and bottoms and submissives are simply “receivers”. (If you accept this, you can use your name as the label for all other things kinky about yourself.)

~ KinkWeekly

The moment I read that paragraph, I knew what to write.

Dominants are simply “givers”

If you look only at our D/s relationship, and our kinky side, Master T definitely is only a giver, and never the receiver. Yes, of course he loves when I give a blow job, but that’s not what this giving is about. He handles the whip or the flogger, he decides on when to use the clamps. When he wants to spank me, he does. He dishes out the pain when he sees fit, and he decides when it’s time for me to have an orgasm, or if I am even allowed to have one. Over the years Master T has learned what ticks my boxes, and he loves pushing the boundaries and seeing how much I can take.

Apart from the D/s part, he’s also a giver in a different sense of the word. He cares for me. Keeps me safe. Loves me. Is concerned about my well-being. This is a grey area when it comes to giving, because I do the same for him, but I am well aware that this is not the kind of giving the quote above referred to.

Submissives are simply “receivers”

I am on the receiving end of all of the above; all of what Master T wants to give me. Back when we started on this D/s journey, I consented to him whipping or flogging me, to him deciding on when I can have an orgasm, and for him to pinch my nipples or cause me pain in any way he sees fit. Of course all of this happens within the boundaries I have consented to. I love being on the receiving end, love having ‘things done to me’. I have always loved this, to just let go and let ‘things’ happen.

There is, however, a but…

The right head space?

I have difficulty getting into the right head space. Now, after the years of taking care of Master T, but also before our D/s was cut back to the bare minimum.

The article I referenced above also stated:

When one sees themselves as a gift to another person or otherwise does not humble themselves and feel gratitude for the moment and efforts, they are not opening up their energy, but creating a black hole for which energy is trapped and consumed at the detriment of the giver.

I have never seen myself as a gift to anyone, so that can’t be the reason. Am I though, grateful for Master T’s efforts and that he gives me what I crave? Yes, I am. I really am.

Then why do I feel like I am a creating the said black hole? Why can’t I get into the right head space?

I believe it’s because I have difficulty to let go of control. To let go. Period. I am forever watching if everyone else is having fun, and forgetting to… just… be. Watching others for their facial expressions, to see if they are content, excited, happy… prevents me from getting in the right head space.

This doesn’t only happen in a D/s session. It can also happen with ‘simple’ sex, where I just can’t seem to get ‘into it’. When I can’t let go of the world around me, my head just can’t be in the game, no matter how humble or grateful I am in that moment.

Having said that, when we have a next session — D/s or sex — I want to actively remind myself to be grateful, to be humble and give myself over to his will. I want to see whether that will make a difference, and help me to get in the right head space, to stop caring about all the things around me, and focus only on what he is doing to me.

© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay



4 thoughts on “The right head space

  1. Form the “giver” side there is no doubt in my mind that Kitten is a gift that I cherish and care for. That care includes helping her get out of her head. She has a similar problem letting go. Fortunately, I am patient and will keep doing what needs to be done until she lets go of today. Does it always happen. Of course not. But patience and perseverance win out more than often.

  2. You sparked my interest with your opening lines which popped up on my reader and I was keen to see what you were going to say about the topic of headspace. I can really relate to what you have said here and while I can influence my own mindset, slipping into a submissive headspace is not something that I can control in the same way. I feel it needs to be triggered in me and there are some ways which I have found that usually make it happen. Like you when things are ‘less’ it will happen less and when things are ‘more’ it will happen more. I don’t know that others see it as being distinct from mindset and subspace but that is how it works for me and my submissive space is a place that I slip into when the circumstances or events trigger that. I guess it is the same as some people having a little headspace or a pet headspace. An interesting post and I could learn from your thoughts on gratitude and being humble I think. Thank you. missy x

    1. Reading your post about headspace, I loved how you have written about mindset, subspace and a submissive headspace. It made so much sense to me. I think for me (and for you too, I guess), the mindset is there 24/7, to get to the submissive headspace circumstances have to be good, and subspace only happens occasionally. Thank you for your comment, Missy xox

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