My D/s expectations… then and now

An image of my ownership tattoo to go with my post on D/s expectations.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about our D/s relationship. Actually, I have been thinking about it for longer than only ‘recently’. I look back, and I can see three… let’s call it… phases in our D/s. The first is that part before our commitment, and then the part after our commitment and until Master T’s health started to play up. The third part is now. With each of these parts, there were and are different expectations.

As said, it’s been quite some time now that I have been thinking about our D/s, and many of those thoughts have been re-ignited because I am working on the Dom Sub Workbook of The SafeworD/s Club.

In this post I want to look at my expectations as they were in the past, and maybe what they are now.

Before our commitment

From the moment we started seeing each other, we were interested in kinky things. On one of our first dates, Master T bound me to a chair with rope he found somewhere in the house. It was quite early in our relationship that he ordered clamps and cuffs, and a Histoire d’O collar. He loved seeing me in it, and I loved wearing it for him during play.

Our sex always had a kinky edge to it, whether it was him almost fisting me, anally fingering me to get me to an intense orgasm, or fingering me while clamps spread my labia. We had sex everywhere in the house — on the dining room table, on the kitchen counter, on the couch, and yes, in bed. There were absolutely no expectations, except for enjoying a good time together.

Naive as I was, I knew that there was something like S&M, but had no idea that a formal D/s commitment could be made. I only learned about it when I started my blog, and explored others.

Expectations after our commitment

We made our D/s commitment in January 2011, and where we still had the same kinky sex as before, there was more structure too. Impact play and rules were introduced, and Master T put me through several trainings. We explored more of our kinky sides when we interacted with other people, and had several playdates which ticked a lot of my submissive boxes.

I enjoyed every minute of it and wanted more, more, more. I wanted it to last forever, this kinky life of ours. There were things we needed to work on, and we were both committed to it. Where not all my expectations of D/s were met — I really would’ve liked to be engaged in tasks, and to be punished when I disappointed Master T — I was happy and finally felt like I had found my place. Not only was Master T my husband and my lover, but he was also my owner, and I had this strong sense of belonging.

Life happened

Life happens to everyone of us, and as regular readers of this blog will know, Master T started having health problems. It started with physical problems, then mental problems were added and dealt with (it took just more than a year). It took four years since the first problems started before we were finally on the other end of it. He’s still not 100% recovered, and maybe never will be, but he is so much better than he was.

During those four years, our D/s went from a bit less, to almost non-existent. I say almost, because all through those years. Master T alway s put my sleep collar on me when we went to bed. We had some talks and both of us were sure we wanted to return to D/s, once his health improved.

Because of those talks, and because I missed what we had in those years prior to his health issues, my expectations were that as soon as he feels better, everything will be as it were before. How naive one can be!

Current expectations

As said in the introduction of this post, I have been thinking about our D/s a lot. Where we are at, and where we want to go. What we had, and whether we will return to that. What do I want? Do I want the intensity of what we had after we made our D/s commitment to return? Or maybe it will be better to go back to what it was before our commitment, but then with elements of D/s added?

Of course, this is something Master T and I have to talk about, as we are together in this relationship. And ,we did talk about it. For now, both of us expect our D/s to evolve again, back to what it was after we have made our commitment. We might not get back to playing with others, but we definitely want to get back to a stricter and structured D/s, all in our own pace. It feels good having made our expectations clear to each other, and also agreeing that nothing should be pushed, as there are still too many distracting factors, such as my current mental health due to the health situation of my son.

For now we have agreed neither of us are done with our D/s (I don’t think we ever will be done), and that we expect it will once again grow and evolve with us, to suit us and our circumstances. Every relationship is different, and we have to find what works for us.

© Rebel’s Notes



6 thoughts on “My D/s expectations… then and now

    1. Absolutely. They say to always expect the unexpected, but I think we all settle in our routines and then are surprised when the unexpected do happen…

  1. Squeal. This is exciting. I am so pleased that you had that conversations and that you have expectations now of where you want to be. I think it is good to take things at a pace that works. It is so easy for life to derail things if it all become too formal as I think things need to be fluid and flexible so that they can grow with you. I am excited to follow you in the Dom sub workbook too. Thank you for joining in with me 😊 missy x

    1. I was excited too after those conversations. Just the fact that we expressed it to each other, already meant a lot. I have a couple of posts done for the workbook, and will start to post in the coming weeks 🙂 xox

  2. I really enjoyed reading this post, Rebel, and learning more about where you and Master T have been. I am very sorry to read about his health problems. It sounds like the two of you are in agreement that you want to recommit to your D/s dynamic. I will look forward to reading more in the upcoming months!

    1. His health problems really threw a spanner in the works, but we are bouncing back, and maybe even wiser than we were before. I will definitely share as we go along…

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