You might have noticed that I am participating in The SWC Kinky Community Advent Calendar. I am loving the prompts and loving to look at older images and re-sharing them for this advent calendar.
The prompt for day 6 is:
6 Things – List 6 things about yourself or about someone else that you love.
Sound easy, right?
Except, when I tried to come up with something, I got stuck. I wanted to write happy things for advent, but sat here, staring at my screen for some time, and nothing came to mind. The past weeks have been difficult again, and I had many of those this year. I am tired, and emotional, so decided to write the first things that come to mind. I know if I do this tomorrow, those things might be totally different, but here goes… my six things for the sixth day of advent.
1. My mental health is a bit shaky.
If there is one thing this year has taught me, is that my mental health is not what it once was. Back when I had a burnout in 2012, it took until 2016 to feel like I am more or less back to myself. Frequently back then I remarked that I had an invisible scar because of the burnout, as I never got back to being as strong as I was before it.
In 2018 I went through another kind of burnout. I was to the point where I wanted to crash my car into a tree or drive off a bridge, and it’s thanks to a great psychologist that I was pulled back from the edge. Now, in 2020, I started suffering from panic attacks, something I never had before. I believe that invisible scar has gotten bigger, and it will take some time, before I am back to full strength again, if ever. I don’t mean to be dramatic here. I think all I want to say is that I now understand that I will always have to take care of my mental health as much as I do of my physical health.
2. I’m dedicated and determined.
When I start something and I am convinced I am doing something that can aid others, I am dedicated to the cause and determined to make a success of it. That’s the case with this website, with Wicked Wednesday and it also was with the Smut Marathon. And of course, I feel the same about the new project — Blogable — which I do together with May and Missy.
3. I have more friends than I ever had.
Speaking of May and Missy… they have really become some dear friends during this year. I love how we work together, how we support each other, not only with blog work, but also with personal stuff. I know I can go to them with anything and they will have advice, or just a shoulder to lean on. Isn’t that what friends are for?
Of course here I can’t not mention my best friend, who is always a huge support to me. She listens to my rants about things, my worries for my kids, my kinky stuff, just everything. We’ve been friends for fifteen years now, and I want to add multiples of fifteen to that. Sometimes we joke around about being in an old age home together, racing through the hallways with or walkers.
But, these three ladies are not the only friends I have. Mostly throughout my life, I had only one friend, but if I look around me now, there are a number of people I count as my friends. Most of them are bloggers, and we might never meet in real life, but I still consider them friends. There’s also the lady at ‘our’ bistro, and my beautician. Where those two provide me with a service, over the years they have become friends too. My life is rich with friends.
4. I don’t want to be popular.
That is one thing I have realized this year: I just don’t want to be popular. I just want to be myself, to do my thing because it makes me happy, and not because others expects me to do it. Realizing this, and freeing myself from the ‘popular crowd’ is one of the best gifts I have given myself this year.
5. I am who I am, and that’s good enough.
I have always said: I am who I am and I seriously mean it. I am not willing to change myself for anyone. Search ‘respect’ on this blog, and you will see how many times I have said I respect people for who they are, for how they identify, for what they believe in. I am not as outspoken about things like many other people are, because that too is part of who I am: quiet and shy, respectful and kind, and definitely not as outspoken as many other people. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Not being outspoken, doesn’t mean others can fill in what I believe or not, and I can’t automatically be called a bad person because of that. I know I am a good person, and I am good enough!
6. I will always be sexy and sexual.
Not only am I good enough in who I am, but also in what I look like. I am a 53-year old woman, who have given birth to two children, have gone through difficult times in my life, and all of those are etched on my body. There was a time when I was ashamed of what my body looks like, but I am not anymore. I am proud of who I am. I feel sexy — most of the time. And I will forever be a sexual person. Seeing how my grandma was, and my mom, I don’t think I will ever lose this side of me.
© Rebel’s Notes