This is the rework of a self-published auto-biographical story (2008), rewritten for this blog. Names of characters have been changed.
Content warning: mental and physical abuse, misogyny.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.
Weight problems (1)
Continued from… Kim (2)
When she hung up, Annie had tears in her eyes. It was not in her imagination anymore. Fred was exceptionally cold and reserved towards her. She picked the phone up again.
“Hello Fran, it’s me.”
“Hi Annie. Why do you sound so sad?”
“Fran, I have a problem and I want to know if you could help me with it. Fred is quite aloof and I have the feeling he doesn’t want me anymore. Maybe you know why?” Annie explained to Fran, sounding distressed. Even though she wanted to get out of this situation, she couldn’t handle Fred’s rejection.
“Annie, no. I don’t know what’s going on, but I will call him and ask,” Fran suggested.
“No, you don’t have to do that,” Annie responded with fear in her voice, “it might just make him angrier towards me.”
“Annie, I will be very diplomatic. I promise.”
Annie knew Fran had no idea what it means to be diplomatic, but she was desperate to find out why Fred had been so unfriendly and cold towards her.
Almost an hour later she talked to Fran again.
“Annie, I spoke to Fred,” Fran immediately said.
“What did he say?” Annie asked, feeling insecure.
“Your feeling that Fred is cold towards you is correct. He’s doing it on purpose. I asked him why.”
Annie thought that she heard a sound of satisfaction in Fran’s voice.
“He said you’re fat. That’s the main reason why he’s not interested in a trio anymore. That’s also the reason, Fred said, why he makes love to me when you have already gone to your own room. He said he would much rather go to sleep every night without any playing. His aversion to your body is that bad. You know that,” Fran continued, and he tone of voice turned haughty, “the last couple of times Fred never joined you and me anymore? He said it’s because of you, because you are so fat. He hates your body.”
It was quiet for very long. Annie tried to control her tears, but she didn’t succeed. She cried softly, unable to speak, while several thoughts rushed through her mind. How could Fred be so mean to her? She lost some weight since she moved in with them. She weight more when she and Fred met than she did now. How could he be so mean? Her entire being screamed out against his spiteful nature. She screamed in silence.
“Annie, are you still there?” the voice got through to her.
Fran could clearly hear the tears in Annie’s voice. When she spoke again the sound of satisfaction had disappeared and was replaced by concern. Concern for Annie, with whom she had already shared quite some of life’s joys and sorrows.
“Annie, it’s not that bad. Fred is frustrated because the club isn’t working out as he hoped it would,” Fran tried to console her.
“Yes, but he hates my body. That’s not because of the club, right?”
“That’s not what I said.”
Fran tried to back out of the words she uttered earlier.
“He just wants you to lose a bit of weight.”
“Do you also think I’m fat?” Annie asked.
It was quiet for a while. With some twisted feeling of satisfaction, Annie realized she had cornered Fran. The woman would do anything to agree with her husband, but deep down she also felt sorry for Annie.
“My dear friend, please don’t get me wrong,” Fran chose for the well-known way out, “you would look stunning with a couple of pounds less.”
These words of Fran damaged their already wobbly friendship. Fran would never understand how much harm it caused.
“Fran, what do I do now?”
“Annie, about three years ago I too went on a diet, under the supervision of a doctor. It’s expensive, but it really works,” Fran said. “The doctor is in the same building I work in. If you want, I can call him to make an appointment for you.”
Annie briefly thought this over. Going to a diet doctor, might get Fred to warm up to her again, and only for that, she would do it. Nevertheless, she didn’t want to give Fran the satisfaction of arranging an appointment for her.
“Fran,” Annie said, and her voice sounded stronger again, “can you give me his telephone number?”
Annie had difficulty eating that evening. She didn’t dare put any food in her mouth with Fred sitting across from her. Even though he ignored her, she felt guilty about the little food she had on her plate.
Annie went to her own bed directly after their bath. Like so many evenings in the past weeks, she cried herself to sleep.
To be continued… Weight problems (2)
© Rebel’s Notes