The first thing I do nowadays when I write about any BDSM-related topic, is to see whether I have written about it in the past. This way I can see if my thoughts are still the same as years ago, and adjust them where they have evolved. When I looked for the topic ‘aftercare’ on my blog, I discovered that I haven’t written about it before.
This immediately made me question myself: how do we do aftercare?
Our play sessions, now and in the past
When we just started out with BDSM, we had some really hard sessions, as we both went through the so-called frenzy of the newness of our deepened connection. Some nights there were tears during a session, and pain was always part of it. Many nights he forced one orgasm after the other from my body, over and over again.
When our D/s hit a low because of health problems, our sessions were less, but we are now gradually getting back to what we both enjoy so much. Nothing like we had in the past (yet) but pain has definitely been introduced again, as well as forced orgasms. There were one or two occasions when the feelings were so intense, that I let my tears run freely afterwards.
And of course, there were also our play sessions with others, where more pain was endured, and for longer periods of time, like the one weekend we spent with another couple.
Aftercare when with others
Some of our dates with that couple were for three to four hours in a dungeon-like area, and the owners always made sure there was tea for us to drink. Sometimes we drank tea between two sessions, other times we had a cup before we left. That was a kind of aftercare, and coming down from the highs we had experienced.
On other occasions with others, we would go for a drink afterwards, and just relax, or Master T and I would drive home and talk about highlights of the evening. I guess that was our way of aftercare, and it always left a smile on my face for hours afterwards. Many nights when we got home after being with others, we would go to bed and have sex, and that in itself was a way to reconnect with each other. Because, isn’t that what aftercare is about? Reconnecting and looking after each other?
Aftercare when we are together
Of course this brings me to thinking about our play sessions at home, both in the past and currently. How do we do aftercare? To be honest, I had to think really hard about this, because we have never done a cup of tea after play, or talked about our play.
I have said many times how Master T and I are always on one line with each other, and many times during a session he would hold me, kiss me, or look deep into my eyes and smile at me the way only he can. Those moments kept me connected to him, and I think they really helped in that I didn’t need extensive aftercare after a session.
That said, many times after a session, in bed, I would make a remark about what happened, such as I can still feel my bottom or maybe you can kiss my nipple better and he would either reply with a joke like did you bump your bottom against the bed again or just bent over and softly kiss and lick my nipple. Those moments, either the joke or indeed the action, always made me smile, and made me feel loved and cared for. Sometimes I would just lie with my head on his shoulder, and feeling his arm around me, holding me tightly, is more than enough to feel extra close to him.
I really don’t need a cup of tea or any extensive aftercare ritual, as I always feel close to Master T, not matter what, but thinking about this, and looking back on years of engaging in BDSM, I do need those hugs and kisses and looks and jokes to confirm our connection.
That, in itself, is aftercare to me.
© Rebel’s Notes
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