The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.~ Madame de Staël
I searched for a quote about desire, and this one stuck such a cord with me, that I had to share it here.
I have written about desire before
Those of you who have been following this blog for some time will know that we have gone through four years of health issues on Master T’s side, and my mom’s passing in 2017, which had a huge impact on my mental health. With Master T in pain 24/7, and me dealing with the intense grief and fighting off very dark thoughts, sex was definitely not something that we thought about a lot. We had our moments of intimacy, but essentially our sex life was non-existent. I have written about this in Death of Sexual Desire and in My Libido Is Gone.
Because of having so little sex, my desire dwindled too, as I wrote in my post Less Sex, Less Drive. What I also wrote, and I still stand by it, is that it’s a kind of survival mechanism. When life happens, and desire runs out the back door, it might not be easy to accept it, but eventually the body adjusts.
Desire has returned
Towards the end of August I wrote a post and shared that we are finally back. The ‘sex drought’ seemed to have ended then, and I can report that it’s still the case. Every weekend, and a couple of times during the week too, we had sex. We skipped only one weekend because I wasn’t feeling well, and Master T ordered me to go to sleep.
It’s interesting that after I have written in May that my libido was gone, only three months later the desire was back. Not only mine, but most definitely Master T’s too. Even though we had both most definitely felt the effects of the four years of hardships, it was soon almost forgotten. Our hands found their ways to each other’s bodies, our lips touched in passionate kisses and our heart and souls connected even fiercer than they had before. Our desire had returned, and it was like the world around us looked lighter, sunnier and just perfect again.
My body was waiting for him
I look at the quote again, and especially the second part “the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man” is what keeps on going round in my head. Maybe this is why I felt so disconnected in all those dry months (years!) and why, to preserve my own sanity, I distanced myself from my own desire. And I think this is also why, now that he has shown his desire for me again, my own has been ignited. My body had been waiting for him, and while it did, it shut down all the longing, as it would otherwise only frustrate me to not get what my body was asking for.
There’s no frustration anymore. No more disappointment, where I sense something ‘might’ happen and then it doesn’t. It’s so different from what it was. During those ‘down’ months we kissed, we hugged, we laughed, we smiled, and there was always intimacy and companionship in those actions, but they never carried through to the bedroom. When we we went to bed, we went to sleep. Nothing else.
Now we hug and kiss and look in each other’s eyes, and silently tell each other we want more, and when we go to bed, our hands find each other. Desire that’s there in the morning, still exist when we go to bed at night, no matter how many hours there were in between. I dream about sex again — both when I sleep and daydreams. My fantasies have returned, and as was the habit for many years in those last minutes before I go to sleep, I once more think about sexy things I want to do.
I needed his desire to wake up my own again. And now it has, the desire for our D/s returns too… and not only mine, but his desire too.
© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay