I don’t believe in ghosts, although I do believe that the presence of those we love doesn’t leave us when they have passed. I have witnessed some bad things in my life, but none of those gave me nightmares. There is nothing in my life I regret so much that it keeps me up at night, or any tragedy I can’t seem to put behind me. I am a resilient and perseverant person, and try to turn negatives into positives, even when it takes time. Still, I am haunted in my dreams…
My subconscious works overtime
Some nights I can’t sleep, because whatever happened during the day is still in my head. Thoughts go round and round and round in my head, and no matter how hard I try to stop them, I can’t. In those nights I lie awake, but then there are the nights that I sleep, but I wake in the morning, feeling so terribly tired. Those are the nights that mu subconscious worked overtime. Those are the nights when I was haunted in my dreams.
Because of my nature of ‘just keep on going’ I tend to ignore the signs that there is something I need to work through; something that has me stressed. Here I mean the subtle signs, like feeling negativity from others (say in the office) or being stressed because of something that’s happening in the world, such as this virus we’re all dealing with. When this happens, and I wake in the morning, remembering the ”strange’ dream I had, the puzzle pieces slowly start falling into place, pointing me to the signs I have ignored.
When major things happen; things that can’t be ignored, they either keep me awake at night, or ‘invite’ those haunting dreams. Dreams that can stay with me for days on end. Disturbing dreams.
Haunted in my dreams
I have written about this one recurring dream before, where I try to cross a street, but no matter what I do, I can’t seem to reach the other side of the street. I have written before that the dream occurs in times when I am troubled, and I also know it is seems to tell me to pace myself, to remember that I am important, that I should stop forgetting about myself by always putting others first.
A garage. Concrete floor. A tilt-up door. I’m on my back, on the floor. Disorientated, because it’s dark. The door starts opening. Light streams in. There’s something above me. The lighter it becomes, the clearer the creature above me. A spider. A giant spider. Filling the space above me from corner to corner. As the door opens, it lowers towards me. With the door open, the spider just doesn’t touch me. Several times the door closes, the spider moves away, and as the door opens again, it comes closer. Not once did it touch me.
I am terrified of spiders, and dreaming of one is my idea of a haunted dream. With no idea on how to interpret this dream, I turned to the web and learned that dreaming of a giant spider can mean there is something in my life that’s coming too big to ignore, many times your feelings or emotions about a situation. I had this dream only once, and it was in the year after my mom passed away, and before I realized I need psychological help to unlock my grief.
Is there a way to stop being haunted in my dreams?
I have wondered about this many times. Can I stop those dreams? Is there a way to change my nature, to be more aware of myself, of my own stress, and stop my subconscious from using the nights to work through difficult things. The answer: of course there is a way. Also, I have found the way, but I seem to fall back in my usual habit of just getting on with things; of ignoring the negative and concentrating on the positive.
I have more recurring dreams that the two I have mentioned. Recently another one was added, where I dream of my mom. At first in the dream I don’t see her face. It’s just a person, angry with me, and looking down at me through the window of a flat on the fourth storey. It takes me ages to get to that flat, but when I do, I see her face, and she’s not angry anymore, but smiling. Between seeing the anger and seeing her smiles, several things happen, and they differ from dream to dream. It feels like my mom is watching over me, and she’s angry and not willing to show herself because I’m not taking care of myself, and when I do, when I work through the difficulty, she shows her face, and smiles.
I will always fall back in my old ways, and I think my mom will always be there to remind me to take care of myself.
A strange kind of comfort…
Being haunted in my dreams offer me a strange kind of comfort. Where I believe in just getting on with life, sometimes I need to be reminded that I have to pace myself, that I need time to deal with things, and my dreams remind me of this.
© Rebel’s Notes
Image from Pixabay