Master T is not really into discipline, while I would love for him to discipline me more. That said, this doesn’t mean he had never disciplined me when I broke some of my rules.
Currently I am not following any of my rules, due to the state of our D/s, and where I would still love to follow them, it just feels so senseless to do it. The reason for this is that I know there will be no repercussions if I don’t follow them. To be honest, where our D/s has been low for three years now, it’s only in the past year I have started neglecting my rules. The only rules I still follow is wearing my night and day collars.
It started with me crossing my legs. This was one of my rules, never to sit with my one leg over the other. The first time I did it, nothing happened. I’m sure Master T had noticed, but he chose not to say anything. One or two times after that he did say ‘are you supposed to cross your legs’ and I just smiled at him sheepishly (while going yayyyyyyy inside) and uncrossed my legs. But then he stopped, and now I am crossing my legs all the time. One reason why he might have stopped is that I once said crossing my legs takes pressure off my lower back. It really does. I have been battling with lower back pain for a couple of months now, and when the pain is really bad, crossing my legs seem to help. But, even with this explanation, I would’ve loved for Master T to punish me in some or other way because I am not following a rule he has set me.
Another rule I have is to always ask for permission when I want an orgasm. Now I mainly follow this rule when we have sex, but there were times that I orgasmed and only told him afterwards, like when I had an impulsive masturbation session. There were a couple of times where he did punish me for this, either by a couple of cane strokes, or by pinching my nipples until I beg for mercy and forgiveness. But discipline has never been high on his agenda. There were also times where I had one of those ‘no-permission-orgasms’ and even though I told him, the punishment never happened.
Being a brat
Already in the beginning of our dynamic I discovered that being a brat will never get me punishment. I am not a brat by nature. I prefer to just do what I am told and pride myself in following the rules as much as possible. Still, sometimes I just wanted to provoke Master T. I wanted to see how far I could go before he grabbed me and smacked my bottom, or discipline me in any way he saw fit.
It never worked. He just doesn’t react to my being a brat, which means I quickly stopped with that behavior. I still have my bratty moments, but they are not to provoke him anymore. They are just me being me, teasing him and trying to be funny.
When our D/s relationship just started, and in the first months of exploring to find what works for us in this addition to our marriage, Master T did take the cane to hand on specific nights. This was not to discipline me, but to help me get used to the pain, and to keep me in a submissive mindset, focused on him and my rules. I’m sure at the same time it was also to keep him in the dominant mindset. Our dominant and submissive roles are quite natural to us, but the D/s made them more prominent, and we want to do something to deepen that extra element to our relationship.
This was not always managed with a caning. There were the period where I frequently were cuffed, hands behind my back, and where Master T would pinch my nipples over and over again, alternating with bringing me to the brink of an orgasm, and then going back to the pinching, until I was in tears. This was another way for him to place the focus on the our power exchange.
My mindset now
Writing this, and thinking about how many times I have said our D/s is low, I realize I am still very much in the submissive mindset, and that where I thought I am following none of my rules anymore, it turns out that I am following most of them. Maybe those beginning months of our D/s, where Master T disciplined me to be the submissive he wants me to be — obedient, yet independent — are still so in me that when our D/s gets back on track again, it will be easy enough to pick up where we have left off.
When we do start up that part of our life again, I do hope Master T will be in for some disciplining again. I can say it’s because I need to build up my tolerance for pain again, but bottom line is I like discipline as much as I like to live according to his rules.
© Rebel’s Notes
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