Resilience is something that have always been part of my personality. Resilience and perseverance. I think many times the two of them go hand in hand. But, I am not the only resilient person in this house. Master T is as resilient as I am.
If I look back of what we have been through in our lives…
… Master T: born crippled, and wore a leg brace until his leg was amputated when he was 11.
… me: a pregnancy at 16, leaving school, but continuing with a home study and getting my school diploma a year earlier than my peers.
… Master T: getting through a bad, abusive (drug-induced) relationship.
… me: two broken marriages.
… Master T: taking care of his elderly mom after she had a stroke, while also taking care of a toddler, and having to go to work too.
… me: immigrating to a different country after leaving an abusive relationship.
… Master T: increasing disability.
… lost my mom, feeling adrift because of our low D/s, went through bad mental health lows.
Those are but a few of the main things that happened in our lives. ‘Life events’ psychologists call it. Yes, we are both resilient, and we persevere when there are any kind of setback, but this doesn’t say that we don’t have our bad times; our times where we wonder if things will ever look up again. Master T went through a depression in 2017/8, a year after his health problems started, and he had some bad days back then. I had suicidal thoughts in 2018 while trying so hard to cope with my mom’s passing. We are just human, but I believe it’s because of our resilience that we come back every time, and come back stronger.
Also, while one is going through a bad spot, or even when we are both going through one at the same time, we remind ourselves that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. When I say this, Master T always says: “Yes, that’s the light of the train approaching” and it never fails to make me laugh. Because, you know, laughter is always good. And laughter reminds us that the bad spot is not permanent; it’s just something we need to get through, and we will get through together.
Our resilience is part of what makes us a strong couple, being able to offer the other a shoulder to lean on until they ‘feel better’ again.
One thing that is hugely important when one goes through a bad time, is for the other to have respect for it. Neither me, nor Master T is a person who dismiss how the other feels. Master T is not really a talker and I normally sense when he is not feeling well, and then I ask him how he is. He’s always honest when he answers, and if his answer concerns me, I ask more questions, as only that way I will know how to support him. I am more of a talker, and will tell him how I feel without him asking me. There is this thing in me that believes that when we are not feeling well, we should tell each other (without being a nag of course), because you never know when someone just drops down and you might need to tell EMT’s how they have been feeling.
Back to respect and having a bad time… when one is going through a bad time, and the other is perfectly okay, it will be wrong to try and impose your ‘feeling well’ on the other and sort of dismiss how they are feeling. No, you have to respect that they are going through a bad time, acknowledge it, and at the same time help them in a positive way to get through it. Make them see the sunshine outside. Make them notice the stars at night. Point out the good things. Give frequent hugs. Make them feel even more loved than normal. That’s what I do for Master T, and that’s what he does for me.
We respect each other in every way there is, we are resilient together, and we always remember the little things.
Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay
© Rebel’s Notes