No, this is not going to be about play dates, even though I would love to have them again. This is also not going to be about sexual play between Master T and me — okay, okay, maybe I will mention some of it.
Playing games with each other is a great way to connect. It can be simple board games, or any kind of digital games — anything to make you feel connected. We are not really people for board games, although we have played our share of them when the kids were smaller. I am not really one for digital games played on the Playstation or Wii, except when it’s a game where you have to put three colors in a row, or search for words. Master T, on the other hand, has played many games in his days, and I have always loved to watch. There came a time when online play was a big thing, and Master T connected with people across the world to play Wipeout. Friday and Saturday nights were spent with drinks and snacks, him playing, me watching and writing.
Sadly, when the Playstation 4 came out, something went wrong with the game and it took them months to fix it. By the time that was done, the people Master T used to play with had moved on, and it was never the same again, even though sometimes some of them would be online. That meant Master T played less, and finally stopped. Now he will check every couple of months whether someone is there, but the magic of that game is gone.
However, we do have a different game we play ‘together’.
No sorry, still not sex!
I’m sure all of you have heard about Candy Crush. Now picture us, in bed, both with a phone in our hands, both playing the game. Of course we check to see who is in a higher level, but there is no way for me to catch up with MasterT anymore. He is way ahead of me, and I truly believe it’s because his brain is more analytical than mine. I mean, he always, and I really mean, always, won at Stratego too!
Then, sex games…
Currently there’s very little sexual play in our life, but as always I remain positive that it will return, not only between the two of us, but also with others. It’s something both of us want, and I believe it will happen. I have to remain positive about this, the same I always remain positive about everything.
Obviously, I am only human, which means there are time when I really despair, when I feel down and wonder whether things will ever be back to some kind of ‘normal’ again. It’s not strange to feel like that, as I do miss what we had. When I feel like that, mostly a night’s sleep help, and when I wake up the next morning I have found my positivity again, and continue, believing we will get back to a new normal.
I keep on talking about finding a new normal, but I actually think we have a new normal already. We are very focused on each other, and we work with what we have. Despite both missing the life we had, we are happy for what we have now, happy that we have each other, and I am happy that I can do things for Master T to help make life easier for him. In return he gives me so much love and appreciation, that what I do for him never feels like a burden, but more like a loving service. A good friend has tipped me on looking at things differently, and this has really helped me to be much more positive about the situation we are in.
This means that, even if we never get back to our life as it was (I don’t believe it will ever be 100% the same as it was, and I say that in the most positive way), I still am able to feed my submissive side, but being ‘at service’ of Master T. That service can simply be driving Master T to an appointment, or giving him an arm when we walk over uneven ground, but in future it can also mean walking behind his wheelchair. Looking at it that way has helped me a huge way.
(Sincere thanks to the friend who pointed this out; you know who you are xox)
© Rebel’s Notes