There are so many ‘J-words’ I could’ve chosen for this post, such as the JOY we have in our relationship, and how we JOKE and laugh together. I touched on that last in my ‘humor’ post, which still makes me smile when I think about it. Oh the joy we have when joking together, when being silly, when being… US!
Instead of writing about the fun things, I have chosen to write about being fair to each other, being just, and in how we juggle things in our lives. Now you might say I have written about the latter already when I wrote about how we adapt in our relatonship, but I wanted to go into more aspects of that. You see, the juggling is not all about Master T’s health. And, in fact, it’s not all about health either.
Juggling is also about honoring who we are as individuals apart from being a couple.
Master T and I grew up in two totally different environments. Where I grew up in the sunny southern hemisphere, he grew up in the mostly gloomy northern one. My youth was a conservative one; his more liberated. My parents were quite young when I was born (my mom 19, my father 25) and his parents were a lot older (his mom 37 and his father in his forties). I had a sibling; Master T is an only child. I had been married twice before, but Master T only once. Master T never left his parental home, where I have left, came back, left again, came back and then left again.
By the time we met and moved in together, we were so set in our own ways, that we had to find a middle ground. We had to honor who we were as individuals and not try to change the other to be what we wanted them to be. I think both Master T and I felt very strong about this: accept me as I am, because I am not going to change for anyone ever again. Both of us had in previous relationships.
Because of this strong belief, it wasn’t difficult for either of us to honor the other as individual, while still being incredibly strong together as a couple. We both have our quirks, and just like in the beginning I frowned on some of Master T’s, I am sure he did the same about mine. About some of those we joked to each other; other quirks were never discussed, but just accepted.
I think honoring the other as an individual means you are fair to each other; just to each other. There’s respect and acceptance there, and not making the other feel inferior because of their beliefs or habits.
One of the other things we have juggled together is the situation we have been through with our son. As you might know, Master T and I don’t have children together, but we do have three children. He has a daughter, and I have a son and a daughter. My son has autism, and most probably also mild schizophrenia. He only moved out in July 2019, a month before he turned 31. The last two years he lived here was a lot better than the preceding five, where he has been through a psychosis and frequently had anger attacks, where he ignored us for weeks. I was ashamed of his behavior (it’s my child after all) but in no way did Master T think less of me because of that (opposed to previous relationships).
No, we juggled the difficulty together. Master T was there for me when I needed someone to talk to, when my son caused me stress or tears. And I understood those moments when Master T had enough of the behavior of my son, and needed to let of steam, especially when it affected our youngest (his) daughter. We came close to having him removed from home because of his aggressive nature, but Master T backed me when I just couldn’t make the call.
Throughout our relationship we have juggled the good and the bad — his mom’s passing, my mom’s passing, troubles with my son, but also the marriage of our oldest (my) daughter, the birth of our grandsons, and of course the explorations we had with our D/s relationship.
We are strong together, happy together, and through all of this we juggle life, while joking and keeping the joy in our relationships.
Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay
© Rebel’s Notes