Equality & Empathy

Despite the power exchange Master T and I have agreed upon, we are equal partners, and always will be.

As said in an earlier post in this series, our marriage is base on which we build anything else we do in our lives. Our love is strong, and one thing neither of us want to do is to damage our marriage in any way. From the very first day we were equal, and the moment we moved in together we changed the bank accounts to reflect both our names and for both of us to have full access to it. Even the rental contract of our house is in both our names. This also makes it easier for the other to stay in this house, and get to the money if one of us should pass away (god forbid!).

Even though both Master T and I are for equality in our relationship, there is a natural ‘disbalance’ besides our D/s. I say natural, because it’s not something that we agreed upon; it just happened. Maybe it’s because we were both raised with traditional parental role models. When we moved in together, it was only natural for me to let Master T make the decisions. Not all decisions, as I am perfectly capable of making a lot on my own, but anything regarding money (even if only in a remote way) I always left to him, or discussed with him. Sometimes I even went as far to discuss the smallest purchase with him, but he told me that’s not necessary. Gradually I relaxed where that is concerned, and now we only discuss when we want to make purchases that are over 100 euros. This means that every time Master T buys a new shirt, he discusses it with me, because his shirts are never less than 100 euros.

Many times when we discuss where we will go — even for a simple outing as lunch or a drink — we will be on one line, but sometimes I want to go to one place, and Master T to the other. Of course then we compromise, by going to the one place the one weekend, and the other the next. Although sometimes when I say where I want to go, Master T changes his mind and agree with my choice. To both of us it’s more important to be together than have a huge discussion on where we should go.

The thing is, above I use a couple of examples, but bottom line is that we are each other’s equals, and his needs are not more important than mine, or vice versa.

That brings me to empathy. Now I am the bigger empath of the two of us, but I think Master T is more empathic than he gives himself credit for. He is quite sensitive to my needs and that of our children, but he rarely ever shows his feelings, or talks about it. He might even be more sensitive to the needs of others, especially those we see on a frequent basis, but his rational way of thinking keeps him from soaking up the emotions of others. He is a real believer — in thoughts, words and deeds — of not worrying about things he can’t change.

I, on the other hand, can be upset for days when I know my husband/child/friend is unhappy. I feel their emotions and have to push it (the emotions, not them) as it will otherwise consume me. Something else that also happens is that when someone is upset because of something that I have said or done, and I have unintentionally hurt them, it stays with me for weeks, and even seeps into my dreams and steals my sleep. It doesn’t happen because I feel I have been wronged by their reaction, but because I am upset that I have hurt them. It’s like I can feel their hurt and want to do all I can to ‘unhurt’ them, even though I know that I can’t.

Back to our relationship… I think it’s a good thing that Master T and I are as different as we are regarding emotions, because this helps to keep everything in balance. Whenever the kids cry, I am the one who put my arms around them, console them and sometimes even cry with them. Master T is the one who puts his arms around me when I need to cry out my own hurt, and that of others. Emotions and empathy might be the only thing where we can say we are not equal partners!

Image by Mediamodifier from Pixabay
© Rebel’s Notes

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