For those who have been following along, you will know that over the past years we had done a lot of adapting over here. Ever since Master T started having health problems, our life changed.
At first it was quite slow, as neither of us realized how serious it was. I mean, Master T frequently had local infections on his leg — it seems to be a thing that happens when something is deprived of oxygen for hours on end — and both of us thought that this was just the same. Granted, Master T realized long before me that this was not ‘just an infection’. By the time he was three months into this ordeal, we had so many health appointments scheduled that most of my Wednesdays — my off day from work — was consumed by those.
But, we carried on.
When we started going to the hospital to see the prosthetics guy — instrument maker is the official occupation — I parked the car and then we both walked the 200-300 meters to the consultation room. By the time we got to five or six months, Master T could barely walk the distance, so we adapted yet again: I dropped him as close as I could get to the front door, and then drove around to park the car. And afterwards I picked him up again. In the past couple of months we have adapted again, as he walked back to the car with me, but we always stopped halfway at the hospital canteen to have something to drink.
My mom died in the first year that Master T was into this medical merry-go-round. That took more adapting. It took the better part of two years for me to come to terms with my grief, to work through it, and in all that time Master T supported me. I needed to adapt to a life with no mom, with missing someone who played a huge role in my life. Without being able to lean on Master T, I don’t know where I would be today.
Something else we had to adapt too — both of us — is the loss of our kink life. Currently our D/s consists of one thing: Master T putting my night collar on me when we go to sleep. That is like a promise: a promise and a reminder that our D/s is not gone. It’s simmering under the surface, waiting to return when Master T feels up to it again. It took me much longer to adapt to this change, as D/s filled a void in my life and freed me from many confinements I have placed on myself during my life. It finally allowed me to be myself, and losing that made me feel lost, adrift. But I always had Master T to hold on to, and once he is ready for it, we will adapt to our new kink life, because I am sure it will be different from what it was before. More mature.
Through all the adapting we have done, one thing stood out like a beacon: our love. We adore each other. I admire (another a-word) Master T’s strength and how calm and reserved he has gone and still is going through his health problems. He really is the most patient person I know, and he has taught me patience too. Not by telling me how it should be done, but because he leads by example. Now, I don’t get it right all the time, but I am much calmer than I was in the past.
I really adore my husband. I can sit here, typing away at the computer and then suddenly have this urge to look at him. Sometimes I do it in bed, before we go to sleep, and sometimes in the morning while he’s still asleep. When I look at him like that, I feel the love for him surging through my veins. I really can’t imagine a life without him.
If he adores me, you ask? Yes, I know he does. His actions tell me he does. The way he treats me, the way he speaks to me, the way we laugh together, spend time together, are together… I know he adores me. We do say ‘I love you’ to each other, but we actually never say ‘I adore you’, even though I am sure he knows I do him as much as I know that he does me. But who knows, maybe there comes a blue Monday on which we actually say those words to each other, instead of ‘I love you’!
© Rebel’s Notes