I am writing this as I sit in the lobby of the Holiday Inn in Camden, during the Eroticon (which has been cancelled) weekend. Before we came here I had already calculated in that this will be a weekend of indulgence, and I was right.
But, at the same time it was different than before.
How it was before
In the past, whenever we went out for dinner, or were away for a weekend (where we frequently go out for both lunch and dinner), I would order what I like. Mostly this was the biggest piece of meat I could find (yes, I definitely am a meat eater!), fries, veggies, and preferably round it all of with a nice dessert. Oh and of course, one or two glasses of wine to go with it. Many times — most times — after dinner I would feel stuffed and uncomfortable, both from eating too much but also from eating the wrong things.
Then, the next time we would go out… I do it all again.
So many times after feeling like this, I used those ‘famous last words’ when I told Master T that ‘next time I am not going to eat so much, I hate feeling like this’. But, then next time came, and I just did it again. I didn’t seem to learn my lesson, and it almost seemed like I was afraid to miss out on something, which each time made me eat more than I knew I should.
How it is now
Ever since I restarted my LCHF journey, I am finding that I make better choices. True, every Saturday I allow myself something extra, something ‘wrong’, and in a weekend like this I treat all days the same I would treat a ‘normal’ Saturday – I allow myself to eat or drink the ‘wrong’ things.
But, something has also changed…
I make better choices.
We still go out for lunches and dinners, and I still order my meat, but I ask the restaurant to keep the fries and give me veggies or a salad instead. I have not encountered one restaurant yet which said it’s not possible to do that. Also, sometimes I choose to eat the carbs, but when I do so, I do it only with one meal. I know my body can’t handle too many carbs, so if I would eat carbs for both lunch and dinner, I know by the end of the day I will be nauseous and my tummy would ache.
Now, I am in no way perfect with this, as I still make mistakes. I love drinking coffee with lots of milk (which is carbs), but I can’t handle more than two of those on a day. It makes it difficult, as I LOVE my coffee, and sometimes I just order a third. And that’s when the problems start, especially when I then also eat something with carbs. So what I am trying now is to order only ONE cup of coffee, thoroughly enjoy it, and drink tea from there on.
It’s not easy
I have always said that in no way I want to be busy with food all the time. But, I have also come to the conclusion that if I am not busy with making conscious choices all the time, I will always be in some kind of discomfort. I need to be aware of what I put in my mouth, need to listen to what my body tells me, and when I do feel discomfort, choose for the food and drinks that won’t make me feel worse. It’s easy to go back to ignoring the fructose intolerance, to accept the tummy ache, and other discomforts to be part of my life, and to continue abusing my body eating and drinking the wrong things.
I have done that for years before I started on LCHF the first time in 2016, and I did it again in 2018 and 2019. This year things changed, and I besides getting back to losing weight again, I want to teach myself to always make conscious choices, to put the well-being of my body at the top of my priorities. This is a learning school, and I will make mistakes, but as long as I return to the being conscious of my intake, I am sure in general I will reach my goals.