I am because we are

Where I want to dedicate this post to the relationship between Master T and me, I first want to talk about Ubuntu — I am because we are — and where I first learned about it. Many, many years ago, when AIDS numbers were still increasing in Africa, while decreasing in the rest of the world, there was an article on the Internet that said that AIDS is spreading because of Ubuntu. Since the bottom line of Ubuntu is to share with everyone, that was the way they thought about AIDS too: if I have it, you should too, so no precautions were taken not to spread it. I tried to find the article, but couldn’t. Nowadays Ubuntu has been turned to the positive side, to get men to take responsibility of their action, to stop abusing women and children and to stop spreading AIDS.

That said, let’s get back to the principle of Ubuntu… I am because we are.

Difficult times

I have written about our difficult times many times before. Our lives started changing in September 2016, and it has never been the same as it was before. Master T’s health continues to be a matter of concern, and where in September last year I thought his interest in sex was coming back, it was soon killed by the new heavy meds he is using to see whether the problems with his stump could be solved. Up to now all remedies they have tried had varying results, but nothing where we could call out ‘eureka, we have found the solution!’

The last time Master T has touched me to bring me to orgasm was in September/October 2019. All orgasms I had after that, and in 2020 was at my own hand. It’s not that he doesn’t find me attractive or sexy anymore, but all because of the meds that has stolen his libido, his energy, him. I do believe that many a relationship would have suffered irreparable consequences were they in a similar position.

But not ours.

Unconditional love

Without wanting to be or sound smug, I do believe what we have is unconditional love. The day we promised to love each other through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, neither of us understood the gravity of it, but through life we have learned that we meant every word of the promise we have made each other on our wedding day, back on 1 November 2005.

Back in 2014 when I fell and almost tore the ligaments in my ankle, Master T was the one who arranged a wheel chair and walked behind it, so I could get out of the house. When I had a breast cancer scare, he was the one supporting me through the days of tears. When mom was dying, he was the one I could lean on. When I was depressed and close to ending my life, he was the one listening to my rants, and then putting his arms around me like a lifebuoy, keeping me afloat, saving me. He has always been there for me, in my best and my worst times.

I like to believe that I have done the same for him, and currently am doing the same, seeing the circumstances we are in. I do have my down days, as sometimes it’s difficult to foresee where all this will end, but I do it, because my love for him is bigger than anything else. We are in this for the long run, no matter what life throws at us.

I am because we are

I wouldn’t be who I am today, was it not for Master T.

And no, I am not only saying that.

From the moment we came in contact online, there was a connection. From the moment we first spoke on the phone, we were hooked. From he moment we first met in person, we knew we had to be together. He is the one who has shown me to always be true to myself, to believe in myself, to be who I am without any regrets, any apologies. He is the one who supports all my crazy endeavors, even if he sometimes frown upon them. He is the one who is strict, because that is what I need. He is the one who hugs me when I cry, whether it’s because my mom died, or because something has happened to make me feel insecure. He is the one who encourages me to keep on doing what I do, whether its about my paid job, or this blog. He is the one who believes in me, no matter what I do.

This is me… I am who I am.
I am because we are.
Ubuntu.

He understands me, sometimes better than I understand myself. He reminds me that I am a kind person, that I am who I say I am, that I have respect for anyone out there and sometimes am not given the same respect. He reminds me that I am a good mom, even when I doubt myself. He reminds me that I need to love myself, to be kind to myself, to care for myself. He reminds me of us, of our strength, our bond, us.

I truly am, because we are. And I believe he is, because we are.

Together we are strong, a team, unbreakable, infallible.

Ubuntu.

I am, because we are.

© Rebel’s Notes

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13 thoughts on “I am because we are

  1. There is so much love and tenderness in your words, nothing is smug about it. I’m glad you appreciate what you have, despite the hard times. That’s more than most ‘healthy’ marriages can say.

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