#SoSS #118: The Birthday Edition

Three days.

Three days from today it will be my 53rd birthday. The third without my mom. The third year where I feel like someone has punched me in my gut, and I’m struggling to catch my breath. The third year I feel like I can scream to people to shut up when they tell me to ‘think of happy things’. I know they mean well, and it’s what I am doing. Constantly. I remember the happy things; more and more of them. But this sadness creeps up on me, holds me captive, and no matter what I try, I cannot shake it. This year I tried to be vigilant of it, especially as there were (are) already other things that have me on a mental low. I cannot even tell people how I feel, then the tears come. I can’t type the words, then the tears come. I am thinking I might need help, but just typing that brings tears to my eyes. And when the tears come, I blink my eyes to see my screen, and push all the thoughts to the far back of my mind.

On the twenty-fifth I celebrate my birthday. Tomorrow my children and best friend will be here for an early celebration, as Tuesday is a working day for all of us. There will be cake. There will be wine and tea and coffee. There will be memories of mom. Happy ones, sad ones. There will be hugs and laughter. There will be love. I will join in all of that, and hide these deep dark feelings inside me behind my smile, because I am ashamed of yet again feeling like I do.

It’s my birthday on the twenty-fifth, and where I am thankful for having been granted yet another birthday, I look forward to the twenty-sixth.

Sexy writing

A piece of writing that made me squirm with pleasure was A Failed Attempt at Celibacy by Kristan X. Just read it, and you might be squirming in the end too. I can’t decide what I find hotter… the way he takes her, or the change in her… this is just hot!

And once again, Cara Thereon did it too: make me squirm with horniness. Her story Chastity taps right into one of my fantasies, but the way she has written this, is much hotter than my fantasy, that’s for sure!

Francesca Demont has been sharing stories from her time as Alyssia, and this post, What Money doesn’t buy – Alyssia quits just made me cringe, as changing the law is not always a good thing, and sometimes those who change the law because they say ‘things will be better’ just seem to have no idea how wrong they are.

Hot images

Once again I am sharing my favorite images that have been shared for February Photofest.


Prompts are great to inspire you to write a new post, and you can also combine two prompts (or three) if you want.

These are the ones currently running:

Meme Prompt Date(s) to link
Masturbation Monday Week 286 (Blue Submission) 21 to 25 February 2020
Wicked Wednesday Prompt #404: Co-dependency / Inter-dependency 22 to 27 February 2020
Food for Thought #137 – With Hindsight and Regrets
#138 – Time-slip
18 to 23 February 2020
24 February to 1 March 2020
Sinful Sunday Fill the Frame 1 March 2020
Beyond Fetchat Disability and Kink 19 to 24 February 2020
Kink of the week Unfuckable Things/Objects 15 to 29 February 2020
Tell Me About… #28: Codependency
#29: Edge play
16 to 29 February 2020
1 to 14 March 2020
Erotic Journal Challenge Sensuality/Sexuality
Curious (Lucky)
1 to 29 February 2020
1 to 31 March 2020
Sex Blogger for Mental Health Week 58: Toxic People
Week 60: Codependency
17 to 23 February 2020
23 February to 1 March 2020
Write Big Sexy Words February’s Big Sexy Words – link to follow 1 to 29 February 2020
For the Health of it Physical Health 24 February to 8 March 2020
Elust #128 Elust submissions 1 to 8 March 2020

More memes — also those without prompts — can be found here. And, did you know that it’s perfectly okay to combine memes? Just make sure you have the buttons of those you link to in your post!

Wicked Wednesday

Every week someone else in the community does the top 3 roundup for Wicked Wednesday. Sometimes it’s me, but mostly it’s someone else. I love to engage others to do it, because I want Wicked Wednesday to be for everyone.

Are you interested in doing the roundup (again)? Just get in contact with me!

Prompt 403 for Wicked Wednesday was ‘Fishnets’ for which 37 posts were linked. The top 3 was done by Francesca Demont and she chose:

Smut Marathon

Last week I mentioned that the first voting round has closed the day before, and on Sunday the results for the first round of the Smut Marathon 2020 was announced. In the meantime the writers are working hard on their second assignment. The next voting round opens on 1 March 2020, so keep an eye on the site.

This day in past years

Sharing posts from the twenty-second day of February in the past years of my blog:

2012: Rape??? (Part 2 of 2)
Was it rape or not?

2013: Eroticon 2013 Session: Myth busting: the submissive woman by Molly Moore
One of my favorite sessions at our very first Eroticon.

2014: Black & red (#febphotofest)
I must definitely take more pictures with this red half-a-dress.

2014: Elust #55
Sharing the work of others in the community.

2015: Sign Language
Signs and symbols can send strong messages.

2016: ‘Crush Flight’ – Progress Report
A work-in-progress report of my debut novel.

2016: Erotic Self Torture
Using a search term to create a new blog post.

2017: Vintage Red
The same image as in 2014, but another edit.

2018: Mountains
An image of my bottom, and one I really love.

2019: Where Hands Touch
A post about hands, and my hands are in the picture…

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
© Rebel’s Notes

8 thoughts on “#SoSS #118: The Birthday Edition

  1. Hope your birthday celebrations are fun, but don’t feel ashamed for still feeling grief. Your mum was a huge part of your life, and you’ll always miss her. She’d be proud of you, I know that much.
    Hugs xxx

  2. Wishing you are very happy Birthday when it comes. It sounds really hard but I hope that you are able to make some allowances for yourself and enjoy the time spent with friends and family when it comes despite the loss and pain which underpins it. ❤️

  3. Big hug to you Marie. I hope this next year brings you joy and affection and a deep well of creativity. And I hope your birthday itself gives you some moments of peace. Xox

  4. Many happy returns of the day in advance. You are an inspiration and a beacon of light to many writers, and hopefully that can bring you a little bit of happiness and hope when you are at your most despondent. Thank you for everything, and happy birthday!

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