I decided I need some quiet. I need to withdraw, to be by myself, to get back to who I am. I have drifted too far off. I am hurting, and when I hurt, I want to hide. And that is what I do. I put on my brave face to the outside world, while I am crying inside, licking my wounds, trying not to drown. When I feel like this, I am my worst enemy, as I see and feel hate everywhere, even though I know it’s not there. I tell myself that over and over again, but my brain keeps on lying to me, and I the more it does, the more I have to fight and remember I am not a bad person. I hate feeling like this.
I’m fighting. Holding on to my schedule, my routine, to keep me afloat. Going to bed early to sleep, because then the thoughts stop, but then the dreams start…
I will come out of hiding. Eventually. I always do. I just need to find solid ground again, find my confidence, find myself.
Where the image in February 1st: Golf… by The Other Livvy is brilliant, it’s the combination of image and words (by Exhibit A) that’s absolutely stunning. Trust, whether between partners or friends, is such an intense and delicate thing.
Sometimes you read something and it just touches you deep in your heart, the way Stupid stupid stupid fear by Naomi has touched me. I have been following Naomi and Rex for some time now, and I just love reading about their relationship, their sex. I want to be like Naomi when I reach her age, still full of sexual feelings and lust!
Since February is all about February Photo Fest I am sharing my favorites from the first week:
- Long Night by Cat — I love how Cat has edited this image, the black and white, and her beautiful eyes.
- Sensuality by Considering Cuntella — The moment I lay eyes on this, I just sat staring at it, letting the gorgeousness of it work in on me. I love it!
- Wrap me up by Jae Lynn — The pink in this sexy image literally pops from the screen, making this a very striking view.
- Clamped and pulled by Focused and Filthy — This close-up black and white image of a clamped nipple tells a sexy story.
- Day Four – #FebPhotoFest’20 by Little Switch Bitch — The moment I saw this image I sighed. This is just so very sexy!
- Deserted by Purple’s Gem — This couple has shared other images of the beach too, but this one, the colors the pose, everything just works to make this a stunning image!
- When the bee stings by Exposing40 — This image made me smile and when I read E40’s words, it warmed my heart. I hope to see more fun images on her blog of this individual.
- February Photofest Day 6 by Brigit Delaney — This must be one of the most beautiful hearts I have seen. I love everything about this image.
Prompts are great to inspire you to write a new post, and you can also combine two prompts (or three) if you want.
These are the ones currently running:
|Meme||Prompt||Date(s) to link|
|Masturbation Monday||Week 284 (Molly Moore)||7 to 11 February 2020|
|Wicked Wednesday||Prompt #402: Valentine||8 to 13 February 2020|
|Food for Thought||#135 – Pride & Feeling Proud
#136 – Love Letter
|4 to 9 February 2020
11 to 16 February 2020
|Sinful Sunday||Prompt to follow||1 March 2020|
|Beyond Fetchat||Poly D/s||5 to 10 February 2020|
|Kink of the week||Cupping||1 to 15 February 2020|
|Tell Me About…||#27: Romance||2 to 15 February 2020|
|Erotic Journal Challenge||Sensuality/Sexuality
|1 to 29 February 2020
1 to 31 March 2020
|Sex Blogger for Mental Health||Week 56: Self-Control
Week 57: Anger
|3 to 9 February 2020
10 to 16 February 2020
|Write Big Sexy Words||February’s Big Sexy Words – link to follow||1 to 29 February 2020|
|Life Matters||Recipes||4 to 10 February 2020|
|Elust #127||Elust submissions||1 to 8 February 2020|
More memes — also those without prompts — can be found here. And, did you know that it’s perfectly okay to combine memes? Just make sure you have the buttons of those you link to in your post!
Every week someone else in the community does the top 3 roundup for Wicked Wednesday. Sometimes it’s me, but mostly it’s someone else. I love to engage others to do it, because I want Wicked Wednesday to be for everyone.
Are you interested in doing the roundup (again)? Just get in contact with me!
Prompt 401 for Wicked Wednesday was ‘I am because we are’ for which 31 posts were linked. The top 3 was done by Doctor J. Author and she chose:
- Tied up with string by Exposing40
- Gratefulness and Disappointment by A Mental Switch
- Existential by Brigit Delaney
The first writing round of the Smut Marathon 2020 has closed on Wednesday 5 February 2020, and tomorrow at noon my time the first voting round will open. Are you ready to read the entries and vote for those you like best?
This day in past years
Sharing posts from the eighth day of February in the past years of my blog:
2011: First Sub Step
Once again a post from the time when I still wrote about myself in the third person, and in this we were talking about whether I am submissive or not.
When I read this again, I got tears in my eyes. The want is still in his eyes…
2013: Eroticon 2013
A post about the first Eroticon we were going to attend.
2014: Bliss (#febphotofest)
This is the first year I participated in February Photo Fest, and this was an image taken in mom’s house.
2015: Shadow Detail
The second year of February Photo Fest, and sharing an old image, as a polaroid.
2016: Toy Box: Day Collar
The third year of February Photo Fest, sharing an image of one of my day collars.
2017: Old Photo
The same photo from 2015, but then in a different edit.
2018: A Night Out
Another February Photo Fest image, this time of my legs, taken on a night out.
2019: Hurt… Pain…
This image is from one of the first series Master T has taken of me, long before we were officially a D/s couple, and even before I moved in with him.
© Rebel’s Notes