A sex blogger’s privacy

I actually smiled when I saw the prompt for this week’s Food for Thought. We are sex bloggers, and we write about the most intimate things, so you would think that privacy might not be high on our list of priorities.

But, it is. At least, I know it is for me.

The thing is, whatever I write on my blog are things I have chosen to share. No one has asked me to tell them about it, and I feel comfortable sharing the information with my readers. I like to give my readers a glimpse of my life, and share as much or as little as I want to. What I share can be anything from my sex life, my personal life, my mental health, my physical health and sometimes even tiny titbits about my family. I share because I want to share.

When don’t I share?

Back in December something happened at my work where I was ‘reprimanded’ for something I supposedly did, but which is an integral part of my personality. It might not have been meant as such, but it came across as an attack on who I am. Not how I identify, but my personality. It totally shook my foundation and I told the mediator that I just can’t handle what was happening, as I have more than enough on my plate. She then said: “You can always talk to me, about anything, you know that.”

Everything in me screamed: NO!

There is no way I can talk to her. Firstly, I am so tired of constantly hearing people coming up with solutions for Master T’s health problems. I know people mean well, seriously, I know that, but to explain over and over again that the solution is not for him to temporarily sit in a wheelchair, because he knows if he does, chances are 99.9% he will never get out of it again. He needs to work through the psychological process himself, and no one can force him to be ready. (And having written that, I feel like a bitch, because I really do know people mean well.)

But, this is not the reason I can’t talk to her. I can’t tell her my sex life is almost non-existent. I can’t tell her how much I miss kink; how I long for a spanking, for pain. That’s private. It’s not something I tell just everyone. I want to decide who I tell, and to what extent I disclose my heartache. So no, she can say I can discuss everything with her, but I can’t. Sometimes things are just too private.

Another thing I don’t like is when people hear I am a sex blogger and they start asking me questions about my sex life. Why is it that some people think that is okay?

What about ‘big brother’?

We live in a time where big brother is always watching us. I have totally no illusions that the government know more about me than they care to reveal.

Some years ago during the summer, I was home alone when two men knocked on the door. They were dressed in casual clothing, jeans and T-shirts, and asked me if my daughter was home. At first I was defensive, until they told me they were policemen of the vice squad. My first thought was ‘oh no, what has she done?’ as I let them in. They proceeded to tell me that they had been tipped about a loverboy who reached out to young girls through MSN Messenger, and that they had traced one of the IP addresses to our daughter’s computer.

My heart was beating in my chest, suddenly afraid for my daughter and what she might have gotten tangled up in, when they told me that she had handled perfectly. The moment the man had asked her to show him her bra, she had told him to ‘fuck off’ and logged off. Master T came home shortly after, and the men asked to bring our daughter to the police station, as she had to be heard. We did, and weeks later we read that a man with the description the police had given us, had been arrested.

My point with this story is that anything can be traced. Back then I already had this blog, and I am sure the police know about the things I do. I have no illusions that they do. I also don’t mind public cameras, as they are there for our safety too. Of course, there are things that will go too far, such as having my phone tapped, or cameras in my home.

Respecting the privacy of others

Questions asked with the prompt: Do you respect your lovers privacy? Have you ever checked their phone?

My answers: yes and no.

I have never checked Master T’s phone, and he has never checked mine. We never check each other’s phones, nor do we check any accounts of each other. We have one file which contains all our passwords, which makes it very easy to ‘snoop’ in each other’s accounts, but neither of us will ever do it, because we trust each other completely, and tell each other everything.

Openness

I am a very open person (otherwise I would probably not have started this sex blog ten years ago), but as the years progress, I more and more see that despite being an open person, I am also quite a private person . I think just like with many other things in life, it all boils down to choice. It’s my choice how much I reveal to who, and the fact that I am a sex blogger, doesn’t mean my entire life should be thrown open for everyone to know what is going on in it. I value my privacy, and what I share, will always be my choice.

Image by ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay
© Rebel’s Notes

Food for Thought Friday
January Jumpstart

10 thoughts on “A sex blogger’s privacy

  1. Privacy was one of my biggest concerns when I decided to make a blog myself last year. But then I thought that Google, Facebook and who knows else are collecting so much information through our phones, emails, browsers and so on. Who cares if they know about my kinky stories as well. They most likely know it already through my browser history anyway.
    It seems unavoidable and the solution has to be a political and legal framework instead of avoiding apps or web services on which we rely more and more.

    Nevertheless I (hopefully) made sure that no one I personally know connects my website to me and that creepy people who happen to find my blog do not find me. That is the level of privacy I feel comfortable with.

  2. I’m sure I could be traced if someone really wanted to, but so far, it hasn’t been an issue. I hope it never is. Privacy (of lack of it) can be a very scary thing. I’m glad your daughter was smart and that the police found the guy. Even though govt and police can track that sort of thing, I don’t think they do unless the really feel a need. There are far too many others that hit their radar for more pertinent reasons. We everyday sex bloggers are small potatoes. I only worry, very occasionaly, about stalking, because I know of some bloggers who have had that happen. It would be a nightmare, I think,

  3. This is a great post! What you’re saying about how it’s your choice is so true in probably everything. I don’t know why people tend to think it’s okay to ask as soon as you have a sex blog. I don’t think people tend to when you write personal things on a non-sex blog. The story you told about the police showing up because they traced stuff is such an eye-opener moment. Of course, I am also aware that the government knows about everything, but your story makes it very concrete all of a sudden.

  4. Oh my gosh, the whole being watched by the police thing is quite freaky, but I know that like you say, it is for our protection. Also, if we have nothing to hide, we don’t need to worry.

    But I do find it hard to know if I can open up to someone if they give a dismissive opinion or try to just offer solutions. Sometimes you want to talk about something without being offered a solution 😉

  5. Great post and u have covered so much.
    Recently I had to go to the phone shop as I had a problem with my phone that I just could not sort out. A young lad helped me and while doing so released a load of my blogging notifications. I released what had happened when he slowly started to blush and I glanced down and saw “sex matters this” “sex matters that” – Normally that would have horrified me but as I didn’t know him and was not likely to see him again I just thanked him and left the shop smiling.
    I love my whats-app as it enables me to keep in contact with my daughter in NY so I would never give it up but Posy told me recently that she had heard on the news that they are taping everything! Sometimes I wish I go back in time and live long ago – in a wood with my wellies on 😉 xx

    1. I bet the lad had a brilliant time telling the story to his friends 😉
      And I would love to join you in the woods! xox

  6. It really is hard to have your privacy when on any type of device anymore. If someone wants to know more about you or get things on you, it’s not so hard, unfortunately. Seems to be getting harder and harder to keep that privacy and identification risk from being taken. 🙁
    But we still try xx

  7. I totally agree with your sentiments regarding choice – nobody should have information you do not wish to be shared. In that regard, remember it’s not merely the government intruding on your privacy. You wouldn’t want your phone tapped – but if you are using any kind of smartphone, everything you enter on the keypad, everything you say and do or film using that phone is recorded elsewhere and can be sold, exploited or used against you in evidence in a court. If you own an Alexa, you have effectively bugged your own home, as sound recordings of your activities can be–and certainly are- made by individuals and/or commercial/govt bodies without your knowledge. Most modern flat-screen tv sets are also equipped with cameras (similar to laptop webcams but not mentioned in the instruction manual) which are not there for decorative purposes. Big Brother is very big indeed.

  8. I think privacy is a difficult one and I share a lot of these concerns. I will reveal more on my blog about sex and relationships than I even can in real life and more about how I feel. There are personal details I can’t share online though as I can’t run the risk of being identified. This was an interesting post which made me think. ?

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