Mindset and submission

Being in the right mindset is key to D/s working well. This time we are asking about the things that you do to get in the right mindset and how that impacts on your Dominance or submission. Are there things which trigger the right mindset? What sorts of things can push you out? Do you do things yourself to maintain the right mindset or does it need to come from things that your partner does for you?

The above is the Tell Me About prompt, and as I read these words, so many thoughts went through me. I have so much I want to say about this, but where to start.

At the beginning,’ my mom would have said…

The key

I agree, being in the right mindset is the key to D/s working well. But, not only one, but both people (or more if there are more than two) should be in the right mindset for D/s to work. When one’s mindset is not right, there is just no way any kind of D/s things will be okay or work well. There has to be a balance in the mindset of the people involved.

His mindset

Back in September I thought we were back, that Master T had re-found his desire for D/s, but unfortunately soon after that his health problems consumed all his energy again, and it has ever since. To say his mind is not in D/s will be an understatement. Oh, it’s not that he doesn’t want to have the D/s in our life anymore. He definitely does, but he just doesn’t have the emotional or physical bandwidth to deal with it. The only thing he does is to put my night collar around my neck every night before I go to sleep, and sometimes — mostly when I prod a bit; and I don’t do that too much — he admits that he misses it. We both live in hope that his energy will return, and that with that he will return to his natural dominant mindset.

My mindset

I am very much the kind of submissive that takes my lead from the significant person in my life, which in this case obviously is Master T. I am not only the kind of submissive, I am that kind of wife, that kind of woman. I have always said and I truly believe this to be true: I am submissive by nature. I have always looked up to the man in my life, and always put my own needs as secondary to his.

Which doesn’t mean that there are times when my needs surface and all I want to do is to have them met. I miss D/s, and these questions have made me think about my own mindset. What do I want? What are my current thoughts about D/s? What do I need? How can I feed the submissive need inside me?

Because yes, there is a part of me that needs to be submissive, especially now that I have to be in control most of the time. I would so want to just be able to let go and to concentrate only one what someone else wants from me. I prefer that to be Master T, but after the past three years of almost no D/s, and not knowing when and if we will ever return to it, I am starting to wonder if I shouldn’t revisit something I wanted in the past: a task master. It didn’t work out back then, but it might now.

All I want is for someone to — with the permission of Master T — give me tasks, to make me focus on my submission again, to ‘force’ me to take time for myself to perform the tasks. Sometimes I lie in bed and I imagine what those tasks might be: masturbating, using a plug, flogging myself, using clamps or suction cups. Oh I have a million ideas, and yes, I can set myself those tasks, but that will not get me in the submissive mindset I need. Sometimes, when I think of these tasks, there are even a couple of men I have in mind to be the ‘task master’ I so desire, but I am too shy to approach those men, so will forever be waiting for them to approach me.

You see, there is nothing I can do to get into a submissive mindset, as I need my partner to do this. However, since my partner is not capable of doing it now, I need someone else to do it. I am not capable of asking someone else, which means I don’t get into the submissive mindset at all. It’s a vicious circle. I so want to experience that mindset again, to feel my mind focused on what is expected of me, to let go of control and just… be.

I live in hope for Master T to heal, and to get back to the point where he can take the control again, or for someone to come along and take the control until Master T can do it again, or even keep the control alongside Master T. Oh I have so many dreams in this regard, but if those will ever materialize…

© Rebel’s Notes

9 thoughts on “Mindset and submission

  1. Oh Marie, I really do hope that you will be able to reconnect with your submissive mindset in one way or another in the future again. It sounds like there are options and possibilities in your mind, and who knows, maybe one of them will eventually materialize.

  2. You’ve both got to be in the same boat, and paddling in the same direction! Your D/s lifestyle is very challenging without doubt but your close connection is very obvious.

  3. I can really relate to this Marie and also find it hard when there are times that my mindset is not fed so I would agree that it has to be a two way thing. If I am allowed too much time to myself then I seem to slip out of it and am less submissive when a request is made. I can also relate to having a need for that though because I am happier when I am in that frame of mind. I hope that 2020 will bring about some positive changes for you in terms of Master T’s health 🙂

  4. I agree about both parties needing to be in the right mindset. I certainly experienced with my ex that it doesn’t work out otherwise!
    It must be so hard to deal with this unfulfilled desire on both ends and being unable to do anything about it because of his health problems which you can’t control.

    I remember trying to give myself tasks when I was younger and didn’t have a clue of how to get involved with anyone but it was never the same. It made my unfulfilled desire bigger, rather. If you decide to try this again, I hope it goes well, though I can imagine that you struggle with the thought of asking someone.

    1. I definitely struggle with the thought to ask someone… I can’t even ask my own husband for something intimate, let alone someone else.

  5. In order to get my sub into her mindset, we begin a few days before & I don’t let her shave. During her lunch break on Friday I have her edging until time to go back to work. From there, she wears her g spot vibrator the rest of the day & turning it on for the ride home. Once she gets home, I tell her she can take the toy out in order to shave herself smooth for me & finish her shower. After she finishes her shower, she is to dress in her shortest skirt, a sheer blouse with a shelf bra & her pierced nipples peaking over the top. From there she is to turn the toy to high & drive to meet me at an old red neck bar that we are well known in.

    I’m there when she arrives I’ sitting at our table in the dark back corner with her special chair with the center seat slats missing. After I pulled her chair out & get her seated, I pull her sheer shirt up to play with her piercings. Of course, by this time her nipples are hard & her pussy is extremely wet & wanting.

    After we have a few drinks we move to the pool table & challenge it.As we wait our turn, some of our friends both male & female can’t help but sneak a peak at her dark nipples peaking over the top of her bra. We finally get tho the table & all of our friends enjoy it when she bends over the table to take her shot with her being naked under the short skirt. Between shots & games, I tease her nipples & use the remote to run the toys through it’s 12 settings driving her closer & closer to a very intense orgasm.

    As she gets closer to her orgasm, she leans over & whispers “Master, I an so ready”. That is my cue to tease her further
    until we settle our tab & leave. We leave her vehicle & head to wards the outskirts out town. Luckily we live in a small town with a lot of undeveloped rural areas. As we get to a deserted spot, I have her strip & tie her hands over her head to a tree branch & then tying her ankles to a 4 foot spreader bar. I bind her breasts as tight as possible until her nipples are very hard as well as very swollen.

    I sit in my chair in front of her & begin lightly flogging her swollen & sensitive nipples until she is begging to cum. I very slowly pull the vibrator almost all of the way out, only to let her wet pussy pull it back in. After 20 to 30 minutes, I remove the toy, tell her to bear down hard & cum for me. She usually cums very hard & squirts for me.

    Once she regains control, I untie her legs & hands but leave her breasts bound to make the ride home naked. Once back in the car, I have her put the toy back for the ride home. When we get home, I have her work her nipples while I work the remote of the toy. As soon as she is on the very edge again, I begin running my fingers over her swollen sensitive clitoris as she begins squirting again. I allow her to rest for a few minutes & then allow her to please me anyway she wishes.

  6. Love reading this post…food for thought for oneself….hopefully you will find a way forward for yourself and Master T….pity the guys you mentioned dont read your blog…smiles


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