Being in the right mindset is key to D/s working well. This time we are asking about the things that you do to get in the right mindset and how that impacts on your Dominance or submission. Are there things which trigger the right mindset? What sorts of things can push you out? Do you do things yourself to maintain the right mindset or does it need to come from things that your partner does for you?
The above is the Tell Me About prompt, and as I read these words, so many thoughts went through me. I have so much I want to say about this, but where to start.
‘At the beginning,’ my mom would have said…
I agree, being in the right mindset is the key to D/s working well. But, not only one, but both people (or more if there are more than two) should be in the right mindset for D/s to work. When one’s mindset is not right, there is just no way any kind of D/s things will be okay or work well. There has to be a balance in the mindset of the people involved.
Back in September I thought we were back, that Master T had re-found his desire for D/s, but unfortunately soon after that his health problems consumed all his energy again, and it has ever since. To say his mind is not in D/s will be an understatement. Oh, it’s not that he doesn’t want to have the D/s in our life anymore. He definitely does, but he just doesn’t have the emotional or physical bandwidth to deal with it. The only thing he does is to put my night collar around my neck every night before I go to sleep, and sometimes — mostly when I prod a bit; and I don’t do that too much — he admits that he misses it. We both live in hope that his energy will return, and that with that he will return to his natural dominant mindset.
I am very much the kind of submissive that takes my lead from the significant person in my life, which in this case obviously is Master T. I am not only the kind of submissive, I am that kind of wife, that kind of woman. I have always said and I truly believe this to be true: I am submissive by nature. I have always looked up to the man in my life, and always put my own needs as secondary to his.
Which doesn’t mean that there are times when my needs surface and all I want to do is to have them met. I miss D/s, and these questions have made me think about my own mindset. What do I want? What are my current thoughts about D/s? What do I need? How can I feed the submissive need inside me?
Because yes, there is a part of me that needs to be submissive, especially now that I have to be in control most of the time. I would so want to just be able to let go and to concentrate only one what someone else wants from me. I prefer that to be Master T, but after the past three years of almost no D/s, and not knowing when and if we will ever return to it, I am starting to wonder if I shouldn’t revisit something I wanted in the past: a task master. It didn’t work out back then, but it might now.
All I want is for someone to — with the permission of Master T — give me tasks, to make me focus on my submission again, to ‘force’ me to take time for myself to perform the tasks. Sometimes I lie in bed and I imagine what those tasks might be: masturbating, using a plug, flogging myself, using clamps or suction cups. Oh I have a million ideas, and yes, I can set myself those tasks, but that will not get me in the submissive mindset I need. Sometimes, when I think of these tasks, there are even a couple of men I have in mind to be the ‘task master’ I so desire, but I am too shy to approach those men, so will forever be waiting for them to approach me.
You see, there is nothing I can do to get into a submissive mindset, as I need my partner to do this. However, since my partner is not capable of doing it now, I need someone else to do it. I am not capable of asking someone else, which means I don’t get into the submissive mindset at all. It’s a vicious circle. I so want to experience that mindset again, to feel my mind focused on what is expected of me, to let go of control and just… be.
I live in hope for Master T to heal, and to get back to the point where he can take the control again, or for someone to come along and take the control until Master T can do it again, or even keep the control alongside Master T. Oh I have so many dreams in this regard, but if those will ever materialize…
© Rebel’s Notes