Home is wherever you leave everything you love and never question that it will be there when you return.
~ Leo Christopher
Home is where the heart is, they say, and I do believe that’s true, because where my heart is, I am home. For some people home is a place, for other people it’s a person, but for me it’s both, depending on the situation.
My ‘home’ people
To feel ‘at home’ with someone, I have to be comfortable with letting down my defenses, to be able to share all of me without the fear of being judged. There are some people we frequently have lunch with, such as Sophia, who make me feel like this, but mostly when we see each other in a public setting, I also keep in mind that people around us might hear our conversation, so then I don’t open up fully, even though I feel fully at ease.
Of course, whenever I am around my kids, I feel ‘at home’, even though I definitely don’t tell them everything. There was a time when I felt uncomfortable to say many things around my oldest daughter, but that has passed since she has relaxed so much. I love feeling comfortable around my children, and for them to feel comfortable around me, with the knowledge that their mom is a sex blogger.
Then there’s my best friend. From the moment I have met her through an online diet club (back in the time when we were both fanatic about losing weight), I have felt ‘at home’ with her. I grew to tell her everything about my life, and I really mean everything about my life! She loved hearing about our kinky stuff, and loved seeing images of my marks, or me bound in rope. Frequently she visited us without her husband, because he would have fainted had he known all the things we talked about. When my friend and I have a spa day, conversations cover the good and the bad in our lives. For instance, I know she struggles with her marriage at the moment, and she knows all about the struggles we have in our sex and kink life at the moment. I love that she makes me feel safe, and I know she feels safe with me too. Our friendship has been going for 14 years, last December.
I don’t think it will take much effort for anyone to know who the one person is where I feel the most at home. Of course this is Master T. I think a love like ours comes along only one in a person’s lifetime. We are friends, lovers, and soul mates. We love each other and feel comfortable to be together, no matter what our mood, or our circumstances. Whether we have a conversation, or are just quiet together in the same room, it’s never uncomfortable. Everything just always feel so easy with Master T, once again, despite what is playing in our life. I have frequently thought about maybe having a fuckbuddy or two, just so I can have some sexual experiences again, but one thing that is holding me back is that I don’t think I can ever feel as at ease with someone else as I do with Master T. I am planning to have a conversation with him, as I really do miss sex, and for us to see whether we can find a solution for this that works for both of us.
My ‘home’ places
There was a time where I felt home in two different places, but that was when my mom was still alive. I loved going to her, and our regular Tuesday evenings, after dinner, I lay on her couch and we watched television together. She always made me feel like her home is mine too, even though she lived in a place where I didn’t grow up. Her home was mine too, simply because she was my mother, and we loved each other.
My own home is the best place for me to be. That is where I can be 100% myself, where people accept me like I am, and if they don’t, they are just not welcome to share the four walls with me. I can easily go home on a Friday afternoon, lock the door behind me, and only unlock it again when I have to go back to work on a Monday morning. I love being at home, and yes, I love it this much probably because Master T is there too.
Getting back to the quote above, home to me indeed is the place where I leave everything I love, and I never have to question whether it will be there when I return. I know Master T loves me, and without a doubt I know only death will part us. But I also know that our home is a safe place, a place where I can easily stay for weeks without leaving it, and I still won’t feel lonely.
The ultimate home to me is the combination of being in my own place, and having Master T right there with me.
© Rebel’s Notes