I wake up with a start. There’s no time to wonder why I’m awake or what have woken me.
I’m instantly aware of the sensation in my body.
My nipples are hard. Delicious shivers run through my body; from my toes to my chore; my head to my center. They meet and crash in an overwhelming crescendo, and all I can do is to ride wave after delicious wave rolling through my body.
It goes on and on and on, while one thought get stuck in my mind: oh god, this is so good.
Slowly my body calms. I’m content, satisfied, and soon drift off to sleep again.
The first couple of times this happened, I didn’t question it. It happened, and I gave it no more attention than just acknowledging it. But the more it happened, the more I realized that what happened was nothing other than an orgasm.
A deliciously intense orgasm.
There were months between the first couple of times, but lately it has happened more frequently. Sometimes only with a month between these ‘episodes’, sometimes only two weeks.
Where does this come from? Is it that I have a sex dream which is instantly forgotten because of the intense orgasm?
(Oh god, those orgasms are divine!)
I have written about having spontaneous orgasms before, but those always happened when I thought about sex. Mostly the sex we had the night before, or sexy weekends we had with others. Thoughts of those seemed to spontaneously make tiny orgasms happened. Delicious little explosions in my cunt.
These orgasms I have now are totally different…
Mostly when I go to bed at night and I turn over to go to sleep, I ‘force’ myself to think about nice things. In busy times I don’t succeed, as my mind always seems to go to things bothering me, but mostly I can think about nice things which soothe me to sleep. This is a defense mechanism I have taught myself to keep me sane. As I say, it doesn’t always work, as some nights I find myself hyperventilating and with an increased heart rate, and then no matter what I do, I can’t get my thoughts back to nicer things.
On nights where I do succeed to keep my mind on the things that bring me calm, I sometimes think about nice things I have done or heard during the day, or things I want to do the next day. This never has anything to do with work, but mostly with this blog, or the Smut Marathon. Many times my thoughts are about sex. The sex thoughts might be about something I would like to do, or have done to me. Oh, and lately I have also thought about photo ideas I want to execute in my new studio. These are all things that help me to quickly and peacefully fall asleep.
Even my thoughts about sex seem to soothe me, rather than make me too excited to sleep. Since those thoughts never raise the sexual tension in my body, it makes this-thing-that-is-happening-to-me-in-the-middle-of-the-night, even stranger.
Can it be that I have sex dreams? And if I do, why don’t I remember them? And why does this happen even on nights when I fall asleep not thinking about sex?
Like most people, I don’t remember most of my dreams, even when it’s said we dream every night. Sometimes I remember weird dreams, which stay with me all day and which I then try to analyze. Sometimes I have sexy dreams which make me wake up with a smile in the morning.
But, it has never happened that I woke up in the morning, remembering a sexy dream AND one of those delicious orgasms. It makes me wonder whether I even was dreaming at all, or whether it’s my body protesting against the lack of sex I am having. As I have written many times before, Master T is battling with his health, which means sex is the last thing on his mind, and I am not masturbating as much as I did before. My sex drive is not what it was before. To be honest, we have sex every 4 to 6 weeks, and I masturbate only once in the same stretch of time.
So much for being a sex blogger, right?
I know that last sentence sounds very cynical, but it’s a tongue-in-cheek remark more than a sarcastic one. Even if I am not having as much sex as I did in the past, I am still writing about sex. I think it all lies in acceptance – acceptance of what life has brought on my path, and acceptance that things can only get better.
But, it’s also acceptance of those delicious moments I have in the night, the way my body keeps itself ready for when the sexy times returns, and spontaneously reminds me what an intense orgasms feels like.
Now I just wish I could remember those orgasm-inducing dreams too!