Some weeks ago I put a note in my drafts folder:
Revisit #fucketlist on site.
Now since the Food for Thought prompt is ‘bucketlist’, I thought it was time to look back on the list I did in November 2016 in A Baker’s Dozen #fucketlist, as I suspect some of the things on that list have changed, due to the way our life has changed in the past three years.
The thirteen items on the list were:
- Being tied in rope
- Sex in the woods
- Being the subject of a sexy (boudoir) photo-shoot
- Go to a BDSM club/party
- Have sex 7 days in a row
- Gangbang (being fucked by 5 or more guys)
- Fucking a man half my age
- Weekend dominance
- Get a sensual massage with a happy end (preferably done by a stranger)
- Double penetration
- Have sex during the day, just because we can
- Wear a corset
- Womanizer & anal sex
Back when I wrote this list, the problems with Master T’s health had already started, but neither of us knew that three years down the line we would still not be closer to a solution than we were back then. And, in the first year of those problems, and him going through a depression, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and passed away just a mere five months later.
Bottom line: the #fucketlist above totally drifted to the background. There are some items I can cross off, though. Some of them had only been put on the list because I really wanted to do them again, but I am crossing them off now, because I had the experience before. I have been tied in rope before, I have experienced a weekend of dominance (although it wasn’t only Master T and me), I have received a sensual massage with a happy end, but it wasn’t by a stranger, I have worn a corset () before.
That’s four things off the list, leaving nineteen. But, there are two more I can remove, and those are ‘Fucking a man half my age‘ and ‘Have sex during the day, just because we can’. I didn’t actually have sex with the young man I wrote about, but it came so damn close, and it did make me feel so good that someone so much younger than I could still find me attractive enough that he wanted to have sex with me. Because it came so close, and because it satisfied some odd ‘need’ in me, I am crossing this off.
Six things remain on the list, but with Master T’s health as it is, I have my doubts whether any of these will ever happen
- Sex in the woods – Master T can’t even walk without pain for a mere couple of meters, so there is no way he will be able to walk in the woods. Yes, I can have sex in the woods with someone else, but I would never do it without him there, and since he can’t walk there, this is just never going to happen.
- Being the subject of a sexy (boudoir) photo-shoot – I still hope this can happen. I would love for it to be a professional photographer, but it would also be perfect if it is one of the brilliant photographers in our community, such as Molly and Missy and Exposing40.
- Go to a BDSM club/party – not going to happen, also because of Master T’s health.
- Have sex 7 days in a row – not going to happen, for the same reason as the previous one. When you have pain 24/7, sex is not really on your mind that much.
- Gangbang (being fucked by 5 or more guys) – I know Master T would absolutely love for this to happen, and he would be perfectly okay to watch. But, before this can even be considered, he will have to be in the right mindset and that is not going to happen unless he has at least half less the pain than he has now.
- Double penetration, Womanizer & anal sex – this remains on my list, and can maybe be mimicked by an anal toy. I might have to mention this to Master T, and we can keep this in mind for a future night of debauchery.
I guess what I am trying to say here is that I will need to make another list, one where I keep in mind that Master T’s health might never get better than it is now, and I will always have the caring role in our relationship. Please don’t think that we never have sexy times because of this, because we do. We love each other deeply, and our love, our marriage, us being together always comes on the first place, and only then all the rest follows – sex between us, involving others in our sex life, etc.
The other list might have less sexy things on it, or sexy things that I can do and explore all by myself. We can all make bucket lists as much as we want, but when life throw you curve balls, you might just have to change some of the things on the lists. I guess it means we have to deal with reality sometimes, and not only focus on our dreams and wishes.
You know, I actually thought I would have a new list by the end of this post, but honestly, I don’t. I needed to write this post to see where I am on the list of three years ago, and to order my thoughts and see how I want to proceed. I think I know that now, so watch this space, because in time there will be more to come.
© Rebel’s Notes