Memories can be sparked by simple things – a song on the radio, a smell, a word…
Some old Tom Jones songs always take me back to my childhood, next to my brother in the backseat of the car on our way to Namibia for a holiday, and me singing happily along, on the top of my voice, totally in my own world, and making up my own words when I couldn’t understand the lyrics. I was so carefree back then, leaving it to my parents to face the perils of the world around me.
My thoughts jump to another song, an Afrikaans one, about walking barefoot in the rain. I remember walking with my friend back then, singing the song while it poured down, but Windhoek being hot almost all of the year, didn’t once made us feel cold. We shared our secrets, our interests for boys, and both knew that we were not popular girls, and would have to look in from the outside while other girls have boyfriends. I tracked her down through Facebook a couple of years ago and reminded her of those moments in the rain, singing the song, but sadly she didn’t remember it.
There are more songs that spark memories, but these two childhood memories always come to mind when I hear one of the older songs by Tom Jones, such as What’s New Pussycat or Delilah and yes, Green Green Grass of Home.
What are some of your fondest memories?
As a mother I should say the births of my children, and where both of them are beautiful memories, I can’t say they are my fondest. Both of them were traumatic for different reasons. Fond memories either go back to times when we lived I lived in Namibia as a teen, or to my time in the army when I was stationed in Cape Town (just yesterday some memories came flooding back when Chinooks flew over our house) or to my life with Master T, because really, we have made so many good memories together.
It won’t surprise you that I am filled with fond memories of my mom, ever since she passed away two years ago. Sometimes those memories are of my childhood, sometimes of my teen years, and sometimes of the months she had been so ill.
But, I also have fond memories of people we have met in the past years, through Twitter and my blog and of course, Eroticon. I can’t imagine my life without Eroticon anymore, seeing so many like-minded and friendly people, and giving us the opportunity to travel to London together, seeing Master T enjoying himself. You see, if it wasn’t for Eroticon, we would never have traveled to England, a place I adore, which is why I am going there several times a year now, because I have people there I consider my friends, and sadly I can’t meet all of them on my days there.
What moments do you wish you could revisit?
I will definitely not be alone to say that sometimes I wish I could go back to the childhood moments where I didn’t have a care in the world, where I had no responsibility for the people around me. But, we all know that can’t happen, that life doesn’t work like that.
There are some moments in the months that I supported my mom throughout her illness that I would like to go back to. Especially the last days, when she could barely talk. I wish I had used some of the moments where she tried to talk to have a conversation with her, to say things I still wanted to say, instead of just telling her I love her and that she had to rest. I should’ve tried harder, should’ve told her how much I will miss her, instead of reassuring her that she’s not abandoning us, but that the illness was bigger and stronger than her. I regret not saying those things, even though I know she knew. I still wish I had said it. This is the first time I have so explicitly admitted this to anyone, and it makes me cry. These feelings are pushed down so deep, and I need to get them back to that dark corner again, and keep on pushing them down every time they threaten to invade my thoughts, because otherwise I am going to drive myself crazy.
Sometimes I wish I could revisit times I had while I was in the army. Some of those were hard, during training camps, but I also had my sexy moments back then. I loved being in the army. Loved being out in nature on our training camps, bathing in the cold stream with other women, training to shoot with pistols, practicing camouflage out in the field. I can’t imagine myself jumping off those vehicles anymore with my ‘old’ body and almost-broken knees, but a girl can dream, right?
Would you like relive a whole day, or perhaps multiple moments with the same person?
All of those special moments with my mom, throughout my life…
Many, many special moments Master T was part of, back when our life was less complicated than it is now. Sometimes it was only the two of us and sometimes others were part of those moment. I would love to have a playdate again, or to be fucked hard again, while Master T is there watching and enjoying. I don’t know if there ever will be playdates again, and some of the sexy moments Master T and I had together might never come around again, but we are finding a new normal, and making new memories, things I will definitely remember with a smile later in my life, as every moment with him is special. I want to sit with him when we are both to old to have sex anymore and call up our sexy memories of intimate times while we sip from our drinks, and know that we have done all we wanted to…
© Rebel’s Notes