Why I don’t date

You must understand though the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it’s only the thrill of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract
It’s physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore that it means more than that
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
What’s love but a second-hand emotion?
What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
Lyrics from What’s Love Got To Do With It by Tina Turner


I have never been good at it. I don’t think I have ever dated.

Yes, I had ‘dates’ in the sense of setting a date when I would meet someone for drinks or lunch or dinner, but I have never dated in the sense of meeting different people and seeing who is ‘suitable’ for me. I guess I was always a one-man woman… and I guess I always will be. Yes, Master T loves to watch when someone else fucks me, and I like it too, but I don’t fall in love with those men. I like them — a lot — but I don’t love them.

Back to dating.

In my younger years Internet was not a thing. I wasn’t into going to bars, or even going out much, so the only way I could meet people was in school, and later at work. There were no other options. Nowadays there’s a lot, especially since the Internet has made it so much easier to meet people. Whether you are into the dating scene or want to meet someone just for one night, the Internet is the place to be. Of course, meeting someone for one night can be a one night stand with someone you have met somewhere on a dating site, but it can also be with a sex worker, an escort. I have written about it before, where I mused whether it would be possible for a woman to go to a sex worker, as it seems it’s mostly men who go there. There are some popular locations in Australia for escorts such as Sydney Escorts @ E&B and Toowoomba Escorts @ E&B, but would I dare to go there if ever I go to Australia? Would I even dare to go to an escort closer to home?

I don’t think I will, because I need more than one meeting to feel at ease with someone, and simply because I have never been the ‘dating type’.

The ‘dating type’.

The moment I typed those words, the question came to mind: what is that, the ‘dating type’? To me it is someone who goes onto a dating site, and who search out several others with whom they have dates to determine who has the potential to become a life partner. It’s not only because I never had Internet in what should’ve been my dating years that I don’t see myself as the dating type, but also because I know I will never be able to do it. I have just never been the kind of person, and also never will be the kind of person who goes out to look for someone to ‘fit my needs’.

Here I am thinking about Master T and I expanding our horizons by letting others into our relationship. Never would I go out to look for someone, and to have one date after the other with several people until we find the person who ‘fits our needs’. The people we had playdates with, were people who have approached me and expressed their interest in having sex with me. I referred them to Master T, we set up a coffee date to see whether there was a click to move onto more intimate things, and as they say: the rest is history.

All through my life the initiative has come from others. Maybe this is because of something my mom had always said: “Don’t go out to find love. Love will find you when the time is right.”

But I think it’s also a kind of self-protection to not do the dating thing. I ‘attach’ to people too easily, which means I forget about my own boundaries and let things happen that shouldn’t. Thankfully nowadays I have Master T to look out for me, and I have gotten a bit more ‘streetwise’ than I used to be, which means I am much more sensible about just letting my feelings run away with me. Even so, I will still not actively pursue any kind of dating, but just let love find me, like my mom advised. That’s how it happened with Master T, so it has proven to work…

© Rebel’s Notes

The September Song Project

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