I’ll use the language of love
The language of love
You’ll understand what I say
Words are never enough
The language of love is the only way
Lyrics from Language of Love by Heart
Back when MxNillin wrote their blog post “How I Like To Be Complimented On My Blog”, I was one of the people who was spooked by what they said. My immediate reaction was to think about the time I have commented on their blog, and whether I had offended them in any way. I was relieved to learn I hadn’t, but apparently I was not the only one who reacted in the same way.
This is the reason why MxNillin has created a month-long meme for September, called “Blogger Love Language” in order for everyone to be able to share their love languages, their preferences regarding comments on their blogs and how they want to be treated and/or empowered.
Where I can give a very short answer – treat me with respect – I still wanted to support MxNillin in their meme, and therefore decided to to this blog post by answering some of the questions they had posted:
How do YOU like to be complimented on your blog or through social media, by others?
I have never thought about the way I want to be complimented. In fact, I actually never know how to accept a compliment from someone else, and tend to, when complimented, explain something. Say someone tells me that I am wearing a nice dress, I will say thank you, blush and the start telling them where I have bought the dress or any other trivial details, where I could’ve stopped and thank you and a nice smile. On my blog or on social media it’s easier to accept compliments, as I can say thank you and move on.
I will, however, when a comment is not given with respect, say something about it, except when I don’t want to give the commenter ‘airtime’ on my blog, like the ‘famous’ Wayne, then I just delete the comments.
What are your personal communication boundaries when it comes to other sex bloggers, peers, and/or your readership who are trying to interact with you?
I have been staring at this question for some time now, and even thought: I don’t have boundaries.
But yes, of course I have.
A comment that is disrespectful to the people I write about, or to myself, will be deleted from my blog. Attack my husband or call him an abuser or anything negative because we are in a D/s relationship, and the comment will be deleted from my blog. Many years ago I have written a post where I mentioned that if you don’t like what you read, you can also just move on.
Okay, there is one other thing I want to mention, but I really have to find the right words for this. One thing that is a sure fact is that I love comments! Of course I love it, because why else would I put my words out there? I want it to be read, and I want to hear your thoughts. But, if someone leaves me a comment that has nothing to do with the content of my post, but is all about their experiences and it comes close to the length of a blog post, I feel the irritation. Yes, please tell me your own experiences, but at least acknowledge what I have written. I know we all have our own experiences, but writing a 1000 word comment is not the way to share yours. It has happened before that I read a post by another blogger and where I really have a lot to say in response to it. What I do then is to put exactly that in my comment (that I have a lot to say) and then I copy my comment and the link to the blog post to my dashboard, and write my own blog post, linking back to the original post. I think this is the way to do it, or rather, this is the way I prefer to do it. It just doesn’t feel right to leave a comment that’s the same length as the original blog post.
Lastly, I am a bisexual woman and identify as such, and my pronouns are she/her.
In what ways do you like folks to comment on your nudes, lewds, or other explicit content that you create?
I know I sound like a broken record, but really, I just want to be treated with respect. I bare my body because I am an exhibitionist, and it makes me feel good to share. I know there are people who don’t understand this and might stumble onto my pages, and would prefer them to move on instead of leaving a disrespectful comment.
I honestly have to say that I had very little bad comments over the years, and love how loving and supportive our community is.
What kinds of measurable support from your peers and/or readers would make you feel most motivated and empowered in your writing? (ie; more comments on your blog? More social media engagement? More financial support?)
I seriously can’t complain about the interaction on my blog or on social media. There is only one wish I had for many years, and still have, and that is for at least ONE week of Wicked Wednesday to reach 50 posts.
I wanted to add some more specifically about some of the the love languages.
Touch is incredibly important to me, whether it’s touching a hand or a shoulder when talking or passing by, or whether it’s hugging someone when you greet them. If Master T would stop touching me (and here I don’t mean in a sexual manner), I will feel adrift, and if I couldn’t touch him anymore, it would feel the same. A lot of the love and friendship I show and want to have shown to me, comes through touch.
I do sometimes need words of affirmation to keep me in balance, as I can let self doubt bring me down. This can be in my relationship(s) or with my writing, and sometimes just a couple of words can make me believe in myself again.
One thing that is very important to me is spending quality time together. Master T and I do that a lot, whether we are at home or away. Our time together is always special. Even when I am at my desk working on my blog, and he is watching a movie (in the same room), then we are spending quality time together. But, I also like spending quality time with friends. I go for long-term connections, and even if I don’t see people every week, or even every month, the time we spend together is important to me to build and maintain what we have.
It’s been an interesting exercise to do this post, and even when in the beginning I thought I would have nothing to say, I guess I had enough to say. I don’t think of myself as a difficult or demanding person, and I think this post shows that I don’t ask that much. Honestly, I am seriously happy with the way people interact with me here on my blog and on Twitter, and if there are moments I am not, I will even withdraw (social media) or say it (both social media and my blog). I treat everyone with respect, and I guess all I am asking is for respect in return.