Sex is natural…

Let’s talk about sex for now to the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don’t decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cuz that ain’t gonna stop it
Lyrics from Let’s Talk About Sex by Salt-N-Pepa

Some years ago, roundabout my birthday in 2012, my children accidentally learned about my blog. The reactions were totally different. Our son just pulled up his shoulders, and never wanted to know more about it, and didn’t care whether I had the blog or not. Our youngest wanted nothing more than to read it, but it’s one thing I have decided long ago: never will I give my children (or family members for that matter), the link. If they stumble across it for some or other reason, I’m fine with it, but I won’t hand it to them on a platter. Our oldest daughter was the one who didn’t want to know anything about my blog, and almost looked disgusted by it.

For years I have refrained from talking to her about my blog or sex, even though when she had her first serious boyfriend, she asked advice on how to give a blow job.

Then, a couple of months ago she totally surprised me by mentioning that she has a vibrator. I was flabbergasted, as that’s something I hadn’t expected – both her having one AND her telling me about it. I didn’t make a big thing of it, but acknowledged that I have heard her, and allowed her to decide how far she wanted to take the conversation. The sex part of our talk was over quickly, and after that I never brought up the subject.

Early September my daughter and I spent an afternoon together. I laughed and told her how I drive Master T crazy with every other day telling him how happy I am with the new theme on my website. Why I told her that, I can’t remember, but somehow it seemed to give her exactly the opening she wanted. The rest of the afternoon sex was discussed several times, and not just any sex. Sex between her and her husband, how they experiment with some things. The vibrator she told me about a couple of months ago came in a surprise box, and in that same box they received furry handcuffs, a blindfold and a feather-tickler. She told me how much she had enjoyed surrendering to her husband and how intense it was. She shared other things with me too, and I opened up towards her too, telling her some things too. I even ended up sending her an image of my nipple, which she edited right there in the restaurant where we sat.

Now this post is not about what she told me. This post is about my daughter finally opening up towards me again. I never have and never will expect her to tell me the intimate bedroom details, but it has been a bit of a strain not being able to talk openly about my blog. Sometimes I have things I want to share with her, but because she seemed to be irritated whenever anything regarding my writing or sex was mentioned, I always watched my words. It’s not like I want to talk about that all the time, but it is a big part of my life, and not being able to talk about it when she and I spent time together was difficult.

I love how open and relaxed she was, and how when she shared some things with me, she laughed and blushed, but kept on sharing. In hindsight, there were some moments where I interrupted her, and I now wish I haven’t as I think she might have wanted to tell me more. There will be a next time, I am sure about that, and then I will be less surprised with her openness and will give her all the time to talk and share what she wants to share.

Two things happened on our way home, one of which made me smile, the other which made me proud. She was talking about her small standard purple vibrator again’, called it a ‘simple toy’ and quickly added that if I have any toys that I don’t want to use, she would be happy to take it over from me. Now it just so happens that I have a lot of toys I don’t use, so guess who will soon be getting a package with an assortment of toys that are much better than what she received in that surprise box? Yep, you guess right… my daughter!

The thing that made me proud is when she told me about a conversation with her oldest son, where he asked whether two men can fall in love with each other too, and she told him that it’s possible, and that two women can fall in love with each other too. I love that she is teaching her kids that love is love, no matter the configuration of a relationship. It means I have done something right while raising her.

In the past years I have frequently thought that my daughter is ashamed of her sexual side, despite the openness we had in the past. I have no idea what had changed to make her close up about it, just as now I have no idea what made her open up again. I just love that we are able to talk about sex like it’s the most natural thing in the world, because it is!

© Rebel’s Notes

Wicked Wednesday
The September Song Project

14 thoughts on “Sex is natural…

  1. Lovely post Rebel, I just came across this now. The words in yhour closing stood out to me, ” I have no idea what had changed to make her close up about it, just as now I have no idea what made her open up again.”

    It reminded me of the Afrikaans phrase “moenie dink nie, doen net” . Overthinking things, takes away from fully enjoying special unsuspecting moments like the one you and you daughter shared.

    1. You are so right about that and I am definitely not overthinking this, but just enjoying the new-found bond with my daughter 🙂

  2. This is so lovely. I never had this kind of relationship with my mum. Sex was just not discussed with us, though. I think it’s wonderful that you and your daughter are developing the ability to talk honestly about sex and pleasure.

  3. This is a beautiful post and I love the fact you have this with your daughter. I want to be able to be open with mine but It isn’t always possible to do that in the way I would like. It is good to see an example of how much things can change their attitude and it made me hopeful too ?

  4. I’m really proud that I have a really open relationship with my son and that he can talk to me about anything. We often discuss sex things and I really am glad he trusts me enough to do that.

  5. how lovely that you and your daughter can have such an open and in depth conversation and it is so nice to read that she is happy to explain love to her son
    so refreshing to hear in this day and age
    i do hope that you have a lovely day
    very best wishes

  6. How lovely, you’ve really put a smile on my face. To have this kind of relationship with your daughter is a credit to both of you. We have 2 daughters, very young, but one day they will find out more about us and I hope that they can be open and honest about their relationships.

  7. I somehow managed to become someone without much in the way of sexual hang-ups, despite the environment in which I was raised. I shared this observation with my mother a couple months ago, in the greater context of a conversation about healthy relationships (we were discussing the failed relationships in my family); she chose not to engage with me any further along those lines. And I don’t blame her really. I mean, it would require a level of open-ness — and honestly, a willingness to own/accept/apologize-for some major parenting flaws — on her part that… Yeah, I don’t think we’re ever gonna go there.

    Sex is not something I ever expect to discuss – on any level – with my mother.

    So I’m always fascinated by posts like this, because the perspective is so different. It’s very cool. (And it’s so NOT something I can relate to.)

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