The moment I saw this two things came to mind:

  • Being in a D/s relationship with a friend;
  • Friends you make in the D/s (BDSM) scene.

Of course, when you make friends while ‘practicing’ D/s, there are possibilities to end up in a D/s relationship with a friend.

We have made several friends over the years, some of whom are ‘in the scene’ and some of them not. In the past year or so, with our D/s being almost non-existent, I have frequently wondered about those friends, and whether I would want any of them to dominate me, to give me tasks and have me follow their rules. There are four men I instantly think about, and where I am fond of the four of them, I don’t feel as at ease with any of them as I do with Master T. I guess this is obvious, and I can grow into feeling at ease with any of them, if there could be more interactions. Here I don’t specifically mean physical interactions, but any kind of interactions to get to know each other better, and get to a point where there is enough trust to enter a D/s based relationship.

Unfortunately, this is where things already go ‘wrong’ as the men I have in mind are people who only sporadically are in contact. They all tend to ‘disappear’ for a while, and then pop up again, are in contact and then they are gone again for an indeterminable time. Sometimes the contact had been daily, and slowly something built up, but when they disappear for weeks on end, slowly what you have built up disappears to the background. I am definitely not high maintenance, but I do need to be in frequent contact to keep things in motion, to feel secure.

On that last point, Master T frequently had to assure me that even though our D/s is on a low, he still loves me and is definitely not looking for someone else. And also that he still wants our D/s as much as I do. Because yes, sometimes my confidence was so low because of the D/s being low too, that I doubted everything. That is what happens too when people ‘disappear’ on me – I start doubting myself. Am I not good enough? Did I offend them? Don’t they really want to be in contact with me? Have I said something wrong? Am I too needy? Many questions go through my mind, and my self-confidence drop, although not to the same extent as when it involves Master T

This means that where I can see myself in a power exchange scene with those men, I cannot see myself in an actual D/s relationship with them. I just don’t feel the trust for anyone else that I feel for Master T. He is the only one with whom I feel comfortable with to be exactly who I am… who I dare to show all aspects of me.

That said, we have met some lovely couples, and some lovely ‘single’ men, and I consider them our friends. Some of them are ‘in the scene’, others not, but they are all just nice people to be with. Having frequent lunches with them and being able to talk openly about absolutely everything, whether good or bad, is just brilliant. Master T has always said there’s no such thing as friends, only acquaintances, but in the last years his opinion about that has soften a lot.

Where I said that I can’t picture myself in a D/s relationship with the ‘FrienD/s’, I can definitely picture myself in a D/s-like scene with some of them. Oh, and how I hope some of my fantasizing will become reality when our D/s picks up again. Who knows… maybe a weekend away with a couple somewhere in the country. Oh, the things that can happen then…

Image by congerdesign from Pixabay
© Rebel’s Notes

7 thoughts on “FrienD/s

  1. I can relate to a lot of what you say here and I think the questions about what others think and feel about me would mean that I complicated play with others. In a platonic friendship this can be tricky but I think it would be amplified if there were other sorts of feelings involved too. I have to agree that I can only see play happening with friends and when the time and mood felt right. I don’t think it is something I would go looking for but can almost see it just happening. A great post which is making me think!

  2. It’s hard for me to think of any other relationship D/s -wise, especially friends. Maybe because I haven’t had much experience yet? I mean, I will wonder, when talking to a friend, if they ever thought about such and I wonder what they would be like, but I haven’t actually envisioned me with them.
    Thinking about being in the space/place you are in, I can see the possibilities being an interesting thought!
    Thank you so much for sharing. I always love reading your posts! xx 🙂

  3. I so hope your D/s picks up again. Fantasizing is nice, but reality so much better. Your post, as always, makes me think about my own situation – like Swirly says – we can always learn something. All our relationships are unique, and yet, there is a common thread. We’re looking for something, always seeing ways to expand the horizon. I have a friend who I could imagine having a D/s relationship with – but he goes silent for weeks at a time. It can be crushing, and just a single word back lifts me up again.

  4. The first half of your piece is extremely relatable. The slow burn learning about someone/a d type and then to have them disappear without notice for extended periods of time.

    Whilst I’ve never experienced a true relationship with honesty and integrity – I find each and every post you share teaches me about people and their “rituals/behaviours”

    Swirly ?

    1. Swirly, I have to agree with you about Rebels posts. Sometimes providing a windows into the behaviours and characteristics of others and sometime a mirror reflecting me.

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