Today… what do you love most or wish you could change about your sex life as it appears today?
Oh that’s easy to answer: everything!
However, as with more short answers, this needs a bit of explaining…
Some time ago I have written a post where I mentioned that the less sex I have, the less of a sex drive I have. Master T’s head is just not in the right place yet (he has now started to take liver cod oil to see if the vitamin D tablets work better, but he’s also on a 2 month antibiotics treatment, which also has some ‘not-so-nice’ side effects), which means his sex drive is still almost non-existing. Oh, we kiss and we hug and in bed we hold hands while watching television for a while before we go to sleep, but that’s as far as our ‘intimacy’ goes at his moment.
Up to some weeks, maybe a couple of months, ago, I masturbated at least once a week. Now I am down to about once a month. Why? As I said above, I think it has to do with the fact that we have so little sex, and that masturbation only happens when I really, really, really need to have an orgasm.
The first thing I would like to change is to get back to regular masturbation. Now that our son has moved out, and our daughter is at her boyfriend’s quite frequently, it opens a window of opportunity to go upstairs, get some toys out and just… ENJOY.
I truly believe that once I masturbate more frequently, my sex drive will return.
Now it sounds easy: get back to masturbating. First it will have to be conscious decisions to bring myself to orgasm, but I believe that later my body will take over and ‘ask’ for them.
But, I have to time it carefully…
Once my sex drive increases and gets back to normal, I would love for Master T to have more of a libido too. I would love for us to build our drives up together, that we discover the sex(y) side of our relationship again. I know it’s simmering under the surface. I see it in his eyes when he kisses me, that glint that tells me he finds me sexy, and he actually would love to fuck me, but just not now. I know I am not imagining it. It’s the way he kisses me, the way he touches my ass when we happen to stand next to each other in the kitchen, the way he sometimes looks at me. Others might not see it, but I know… I know it’s still there, because I see it, and because he has said it.
If I start masturbating once or twice a week, and my sex drive comes back long before Master T is interested in sex again, it will only cause me to feel frustration all over again. Up to some months ago, when I masturbated less and less, frustration made me a bitch at times, and all I wanted was for Master T to ‘get over it’ and get ‘back to normal’. Of course, some things can’t be rushed, and Master T, patient man he is, will never ever allow anyone to rush him.
So, to get back to the question: where I want to change everything TODAY, it’s much better to follow my husband’s example… be patient and build it up: step by step.
(And then, after writing all of the above, I sit here and wonder: isn’t this ‘state’ of very little sex actually quite comfortable? I need to explore this thought more…)
© Rebel’s Notes