I have written about roleplay before, and how it definitely just isn’t our thing. It’s not something we will ever engage in, as I will feel totally ridiculous playing a role. There wouldn’t be a way for me to get my head in the game, no matter how hard I would try. But thankfully, I don’t even have to try, as Master T would never engage in roleplay, and when I say never, I really mean: NEVER.
That said, and as it is with many things, there’s a but…
There is one role I would want to play: patient.
No, I don’t want an entire dialogue. I don’t want to be the patient who enters the doctor’s office and tell him I am so sick or I have a pain here or there, then he tells me to lie down so he can examine me, and then of course he examines me in ways a real doctor never would. If I have to play this little charade, it would totally ruin the scene for me.
In my previous post about roleplay, I said the following:
Something that my eye immediately feel upon when I saw the second list of scenarios, is “Hospital fantasies”. That is something I have had since quite a young age. How old I was when I first started fantasizing about being in the hospital and being cared for by either a doctor or a nurse, I don’t know. Those fantasies were never really sexual, but all about dominance. I wanted to be in the hospital bed and I wanted to be told what to do. Many times I have fantasized that I have been told to lie perfectly still, on my back, the sheets straightened around me and my arms alongside my body, above the sheets. Many nights I fell asleep like that. It was all about being told what to do, to be without will, to have others make decisions for me. I have fantasized about this many years, possibly from as early as the age of 9 until close to my 20th year. Would I still want to play out a hospital fantasy? Yes, I think I would. However, I would want it much kinkier than only being in bed, lying still.
There is something about being ‘the patient’ or ‘the one that is examined’, that is just so incredibly appealing. As the quote says, it’s a fantasy that started wen I was much younger, and it was there for years. It started at the age of 9, which was roundabout the time the sexual abuse started, and I can’t help to think that this fantasy of mine has something to do with what happened back then. Sometimes he didn’t even touch me. He just told me to drop my pants, to stand there and let him look at me.
Of course, as I got older, more sexual things were added to the fantasy, and when I think about it now, there are definite kinky elements added to it. I would want the ‘examiner’ to pinch my nipples or grab my tits to test my pain tolerance. I would want them to use a speculum to open my cunt to examine inside. I would want them to probe my asshole for whatever reason they come up with. I would want them to run sharp things over my body, a Wartenberg wheel for instance. I would want them to spread my outer labia to examine my inner labia and clitoris. I would subject myself to whatever they come up with. Not once would I want to speak, unless forced to answer. I don’t want any dialogue, but I would want them to say filthy things to me. I want them to tell me what a dirty girl I am, to comment on my tolerance of pain, or tell me that I’m a slut because their examination makes my cunt wet.
This doesn’t count as roleplay where two people play a role, but it does taps into my fantasy of being subjected to the scrutiny of someone else. Maybe it counts as roleplay after all, even if I don’t say a word, essentially we both are playing a role. Or we are just being downright kinky…
© Rebel’s Notes