A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
~ Albert Einstein
I have done many things in my life, and yet, and many of those things people might see as mistakes. I don’t. I remember each and every mistake I had made at my work — some of them still haunt me after years. Those are the things I think of as mistakes, not the life things others looked upon as mistakes.
But what are those things?
I’ve had a child at the tender age of 16, married when I was 20 and divorced when I was 22. When I was 21, I had my second child. I had several relationships, the two most significant of those the relationship with a man almost 5 years my junior, and the other the relationship with a married couple. I left behind my country to come to the country of my mother, and here I was in one relationship which ended after almost two years, I was married again when I was 31 and divorced when I was 35.
By the time I divorced my second husband, I was already in contact with Master T, but he wasn’t the reason of the divorce. I moved in with him when I was 37, married him when I was 38 and the rest is history.
Except for my history with Master T, I know there are people who look at my life before that as an accumulation of mistakes. Jumping from one relationship to the other (which I never did), allowing men to use me (which I did), not giving my children enough security (which is not true). People looked in from the outside and thought they knew my motives. They judged me by their own standards, accused me of mistakes they thought I made, but which I knew I didn’t. If I didn’t go along with the ‘solutions’ they had for my life, they pushed me aside like trash. I actually recently learned that back when my kids were still small and we were still living in South Africa, someone had already contacted a lawyer to start procedures to have my children taken away from me. I have no idea what their motives were, because my children always had love, food, clothes, went to school and had everything they needed, despite not being able to buy them everything I would’ve wanted to. They couldn’t continue with their plans because I moved up north in the country, and 3 years later I moved to the Netherlands.
Were my two previous marriages mistakes?
In hindsight, they might have been, but I don’t see them as such. When I married those men, I truly believed I loved them and that I would be with them for the rest of our lives. It worked out differently, since my first husband couldn’t be faithful, and he physically (not sexually) abused my daughter. My second husband was so good to my children before we got married, and then after the marriage he started ignoring them. I tried my utmost best to make the marriage work, until he was the one who mentioned divorce. Then, I was done.
I divorced both those men to give my children better lives. I don’t see it as mistakes. Sexually, both those marriages didn’t bring me what I wanted. I can safely say that those two marriages had shown me what kind of sex life I don’t want. Against my nature, with both of them, I tried to introduce something sexier into our sex lives, something a bit more kinky than missionary sex, and both of them miserably failed at it, neither of them adventurous enough to try something new.
Of course I understand that people see those marriages as mistakes, but I only saw them as part of my journey to get to where I am now. I know for sure that I wouldn’t have appreciated Master T for the person he is, the man he is, had I not gone through the hardships I had. Because yes, it’s now easy to write about that, but there were dark and sad times too. Even though I did it for my kids, and I was thankful to always have them with me, I was lonely too. But, if I had to do it all over again, I would make the same choices, because all I always wanted was for my children to be happy.
There are more things I can point out as mistakes — the relationship with a colleague, the relationship with a married man, the relationship with a couple. The thing is, I just don’t see those as mistakes. I see them as part of a learning curve, as trying out new things to see whether they work for me or not. I believe everything that happens in our lives, whether it’s by choice or not, happens for a reason, and is designed to teach you something about life, something about yourself.
This is not to say that I haven’t regretted things. I have, but as the years passed on, I have come to see them as part of that learning curve, and I have turned them into something positive instead of hanging onto the negative experiences, the things people see as mistakes.
Life is a journey, and without mistakes, we will never grow.
© Rebel’s Notes